Before the season finale this Sunday, let's take a look back on what this season of True Blood hath wrought. What was the best True Blood moment? The through-the-pants-vampire-head-twisty sex, vampire texting, or the vampire newscast? Find out below!

The best moments from True Blood Season 3, measured by physical arousalS


Lorena Gets Lit UP
Lorena is back and Miss Vampire is on fire. Because Bill threw an entire lamp on her. We did not see this coming, nor did we see the hilarious follow-up in the next episode with Lorena's charred hide and Talbot's hilarious response. So really this is two moments. One for the fire, and the other for setting Talbot up on his long and winding road of getting pissed while people break his shit.



They Killed My Cooter

Double whammy in this scene. As much as I want Debbie Pelt's "vampire burrito" comment to be the top moment for this character, in reality the "killed my Cooter" quip was easily the highlight of the Pelt-isms. Plus, after Cooter got Old Yeller-ed, this allowed the King to call Sookie a "special cunt" which was just... wow. I still can't believe they got away with saying this and it actually fit. Half of the time I think stuffed is just shoved into the dialog, to see if we're paying attention.


Way.
Bill elevates his parenting skills tremendously. He also starts using teen talk tips to communicate with Jessica.

I Don't Have A Nut Sack
This True Blood moment was not only clever, but it made me realize that I dislike Sookie mostly because of the way she acts, not because of how Anna Paquin portrays her. Paquin hit it out of the park in this scene. This is how actual people cry, and it's both adorable and hits home quite nicely. Also Alcide has his shirt off. And since we NEVER get to see him humping, and trust me, you get to see a lot of people humping on the Sex & Vampires show, this will just have to do. "It's a were-thing," oh ho ho ho ho, we bet it is.


Hypothetical Chainsaw

One of the better parts of this season was watching Pam and Jessica interact together.


Ring Ring Hooker

World's best voice mail.


Followed by the world's best vampire text message in response. We'll miss your brand of crazy Franklin!


Talbot is stabbed in the back — twice. (I'm a 12-year-old)

Hot, but also sad, because Talblot was the one new character we didn't want to see get staked. Alas, we don't always get what we want in True Blood town.


Invite Me In
Why Sookie didn't pick the sex option that Eric offered is still completely beyond us. The answer is always sex when Eric is giving you an option. Always sex.


The Vampire Sex Scene Heard Round The World

Drink Me

Hoyt learns how to leverage his lanky charm into unbridled sex appeal.

The sex scene that will live on in infamy.

Back to you, Russell!

Surprised that the number one scene wasn't the through-the-pants-neck-twisting-mad-cap-vampire-sex-romp? We are a little too. But, as much fun as the sex is on True Blood, the King of Mississippi had the best scene of the season.