Fringe and Chuck are back! And witness the coming of Sharktopus and The Event!S

This week sees the premiere of The Event and J.J. Abrams' Undercovers, plus the unholy rise of Sharktopus! There's also the returns of Chuck, Fringe, Supernatural and Smallville, and the shocking season finale of Warehouse 13. Television loves us again!


Today:

There's the season opener of Chuck on NBC at 8 PM — if you weren't already pumped for another season of this show about a misfit spy who downloads a super-database (and lately, super-skills) into his brain, then the promise of Linda Hamilton playing Chuck's mom ought to be enough to win you over. (They should just have Linda Hamilton and Lena Headey alternate playing Chuck's mom, and nobody ever comments on it.)

That's followed by this fall's most promising debut, The Event, at 9 PM on NBC. It's a weird conspiracy show, involving a kidnapping and a secret facility that even the President doesn't know about — but the first episode gives you enough answers to know that something other-worldly is going on, and to start putting the pieces together. Jason Ritter, as the show's lead, manages to provide enough emotional intensity and smarts to keep you following him through what could otherwise be a confusing sprawl of plot lines — and Blair Underwood is fantastic as the president.

There's also the season opener of House — a show which sometimes has some very speculative medical science — on Fox at 8 PM.

The Cartoon Network once again has a whole roundup of weird cartoons, starting with a new Scooby Doo - Mystery Inc. at 7 PM, Johnny Test at 7:30, Adventure Time at 8 PM, Regular Show at 8:15, and Mad at 8:30 PM, rounding up with Total Drama World Tour at 9 PM.

Behold Avaturds:

And there's a new Scream Queens on VH1 at 10 PM, along with a new Mystery Diagnosis on Health: "The Woman With Unusual DNA."

Movies:

Syfy is showing prehistoric action movies all day long. And at 2 PM, AMC has Volcano, followed by Superman Returns at 4:30 PM and Mad Max at 8 PM and 10 PM. Independence Day is on ABC Family at 8 PM — and also at 8 PM, Blade: Trinity on the Spanish-language TeleFutura, and Twilight is on Showtime. At 10 PM, Cinemax has Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.

Tuesday:

It's the second season finale of Warehouse 13, on Syfy at 9 PM. We've watched this episode already, and it's chock full of excitement — and a lot of loose ends get tied up that you might have thought were just abandoned forever. Pete and Myka both make fateful decisions, and we learn what H.G. Wells is really up to — and it's not at all what you thought.

And to help you get up to speed, Syfy is showing a marathon of Warehouse 13 season two all day long.

Also, the first season finale of Unnatural History is on the Cartoon Network at 8 PM.

And then there's Spike's show 1001 Ways To Die at 10 PM, along with a new episode of post-apocalyptic reality TV show The Colony on Discovery.

Movies:

True to its name, AMC is showing classics all day long starting at 11 AM, with Pitch Black, Virus, The Terminator, Mad Max and Mad Max II: The Road Warrior. The Day After Tomorrow is on FX at 7:30 PM. And Hancock is on Encore at 8 PM. Finally, 2008's Day Of The Dead, with Ving Rhames, is on Showtime at 1:10 AM.

Wednesday:

J.J. Abrams' new spy show, Undercovers, starts at 8 PM — it's not as overtly science fictional as his previous spy efforts like Alias or Mission Impossible III, but we're hoping that will change over time. In any case, the pilot is splashy, fun, and thrilling — a retired spy couple (Boris Kodjoe and Gugu Mbatha Raw) are working in the catering biz, when they get pulled back into the spy life — but can they track down the bad guys without ruining their big catering gig? It's a weird mix of high-stakes action and cooking, with a nice romantic comedy twist as well.

Science has another Sci-Fi Science: Physics Of The Impossible at 10:00 PM, dealing with "Alien Invasion."

Movies:

Syfy is showing weird alien movies all day — most notably, at noon, they have Decoys 2: Alien Seduction, the movie in which female aliens use their psychic powers to ensnare human men by transforming themselves into nurses and dominatrixes — and then the sexy, sexy aliens shove their tentacles down the men's throats, impregnating them with alien offspring. [Link is maybe NSFW.] (For some reason, the men have to be turned on, and it has to be freezing cold, for this to work.) Also, at 11:30 AM, Showtime is showing Jack Nicholson in Wolf, the movie that finally explains everything there is to know about the publishing industry.

In the evening, AMC once again has Mad Max 2 at 6 PM, followed by Beyond Thunderdome at 8 PM and 10:30 PM. Jumanji is on Encore at 6:10 PM. And the original Highlander is on Cinemax at 3:30 in the morning.

Thursday:

Fringe is back! As we already reported, the opening of the show's third season is absolutely brilliant — the first hour will show you exactly what "our" Olivia is getting up to in the other universe, and it's both fast-paced and utterly creepy. Walternate continues to be one of the more horrifying characters on television, and Anna Torv's performance this time around may just silence (or at least mute) the doubters. That's at 9 PM on Fox.

There's a new The Vampire Diaries at 8 PM on The CW and then at 9 PM, the CW has Nikita. Put together, this is two hours of the guiltiest pleasures imaginable, featuring lots of scantily clad people kicking moral dilemmas in the face and then pausing to recharge their sexiness. And we're especially dying to see whether Caroline will be the worst vampire ever, or just one of the worst:

Also at 8 PM, there's a new episode of The Universe on the History Channel, and the season premiere of The Big Bang Theory on CBS.

At 10 PM, Syfy has a new Beast Legends (MegaJaws!) and there's a new Stan Lee's Superhumans on the History Channel.

Also, Syfy has a Jake 2.0 marathon during the day. It's important to get up to speed before they roll out Jake 3.0.

Movies:

Fanboys is on Showtime at 1 PM and 8 PM. The original Jaws is on Encore at 5:20 PM, and The Uninvited is on HBO at 6:30 PM. And then at 8:15 PM on IFC, Jason Statham stars in Crank, the film that started the gonzo Neveldine/Taylor guys' whole career.

Friday:

Smallville is back on The CW at 8 PM — in "Lazarus," Lois saves Clark but doesn't let him know that she's found out his secret. Meanwhile, Chloe is looking for Ollie, and Pa Kent is mysteriously back from the dead:

And that's followed by a new Supernatural at 9 PM. It's been a year since Dean last saw Sam, when his brother shows up — but it's not the same old Sammeh at all. And it turns out that their grandfather, Samuel, is alive after all, and leading a whole other family of monster-hunters. Welcome to the death slot, Winchester boys!

Here's an absolutely fantastic Canadian promo:

It's also the season premiere of Medium, the "I talk to dead people" show, on CBS at 8 PM. And in "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day," it sounds like they're doing the Freaky Friday episode, only with crime and stuff. Here's the description:

When they have the same dream about a missing homeless man who is the subject of Allison's most recent case, Bridgette and Allison swap personalities, causing mayhem at home, at school and with the investigation.

Doesn't that sound awesome?

And once again, the Cartoon Network has an unrelenting lineup of animated adventure — Batman: The Brave and the Bold is at 7 PM, featuring the second half of the Starro two-parter. Then at 8 PM, there's a new Sym-Bionic Titan, and a new Generator Rex is at 8:30 PM. Finally, at 9, there's a new Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

Then there's a new Haven on Syfy at 10 PM, "The Trial Of Audrey Parker."

Movies:

Encore is showing Jaws III at 1:10 PM, and at 4 PM, FX has The Animal, the Rob Schneider movie we all wish wasn't science fiction/fantasy. In the evening, Syfy has Predator at 5 PM, followed by The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen at 7:30 PM. Meanwhile, Will Smith's I Am Legend is on TNT at 8 PM and 10 PM. And Monsters Inc. is on Encore at 8 PM, followed by The Mask at 9:40 PM. Finally, at 4:30 AM, AMC is showing The War Of The Colossal Beast.

Saturday:

Sharktopus! Sharktopus? Sharktopus!! Yes, it's the world premiere of the most tentacled, most bitey, movie ever, on Syfy at 9 PM. The movie that became an internet meme is now a reality — which doesn't mean it's not still an internet meme as well. But most importantly, it's a half-shark, half-octopus juggernaut. The mere fact that its website is referred to as the "CHOMPage" should tell you everything you need to know. Plus it has the Eric Roberts acting seal of approval:

Movies:

Syfy is showing monster movies all day to prepare for the evening's huge premiere. Evan Almighty (shudder) is on E! at 7 AM, 28 Days Later is on FX at 7:30 AM, and Independence Day is on Hallmark at 9 AM. The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe is on ABC Family at noon, followed by Edward Scissorhands at 3:30 PM. At 5:30 PM, TNT has The Chronicles Of Riddick, followed by 300 and 10,000 B.C.At 8 PM, the Cartoon Network has Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. And then at 9 PM, TMC has the cable TV premiere of 2001's The Lost Voyage.

There are tons of late night options, including Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial on Cinemax at 12:15 AM, Mad Max on AMC at 12:30 AM, Jurassic Park III on Encore at 1:10 AM and Resident Evil: Apocalypse on TNT at 2:01 AM.

Sunday:

Fox has its usual Sunday night animation block, with a new Simpsons, a new Cleveland Show and an hour of Family Guy.

More importantly, though, there's another new Venture Bros., on the Cartoon Network at 11:30 PM. "Every Which Way But Zeus" is as mysterious, in advance, as this show always is — but we know it's going to rule. THat's followed, at 12:30 AM, by a new Metalocalpyse, "Fertilityklok":

Movies:

Syfy is once again showing weird monster movies all day. The mystical mind-control movie Ella Enchanted is on ABC Family at 9 AM, at the same time that Stargate is on G4. At 10 AM, Aloha, Scooby Doo! is on Cartoon Network, while Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles Forever is on Nickelodeon at 10 AM and 1 PM. Contact is on PLEX at 1:15 PM. Superman II is on BBC America at 5 PM and 8 PM. Aliens is on G4 at 11 PM. And The Mist is on TNT at 2:30 A.M., the same time that Ghostbusters is on Comedy Central.