The Return of Count Spirochete was a 1970s educational film that warned kids about the dangers of doing it. This surreal cartoon depicted syphilis as a vampire and gonorrhea as an evil pitchfork-wielding demon who climbs in your urethra.

This movie was produced by the National Naval Medical Center in 1973. Here's the description of the video from Armed with Science:

As the story begins, we join the (probably) world famous "Communicable Disease of the Year Award" ceremony, which acknowledges the one disease that has "done the most effective job of contaminating others." Smallpox, diphtheria, tuberculosis, and the common cold are all serious contenders for the coveted "Fourth Horseman."

However, in a surprising turn of events, the award goes to Count Spirochete (aka syphilis), much to the chagrin of the other contestants. In response to their outrage, the master of ceremonies then proceeds to explain in graphic detail the various reasons why Count Spirochete is deserving of the award.

Seriously, watch this. Your head will explode Scanners-style from the sheer weirdness of it all. Also, it's NSFW for cartoon weens and hoo-hoos.

[Spotted on Bioephemera]