The hot-melt method is the scary-sounding solution to "penile incarceration"S

Medical science finally has an answer to an age-old, all-important question: how do you free a trapped penis from a PVC pipe? Our male readers may want to keep this paper know, just in case.

You might think a topic like this isn't really that important - after all, how many people really manage to end up in such an unlikely situation? The paper's authors quickly dispel that idea by explaining this is a scourge that affects people of all ages...and yet there is still no common cure!

Penile incarceration for erotic or autoerotic purposes has been reported in a wide range of age groups, and often presents a significant challenge to urologic surgeons. No ready method has been reported for removing a polyvinylchloride (PVC) pipe entrapped on the penis.

Note that the authors only say no method has been "reported." I think we can assume urologic surgeons are keeping all the really good penis-in-a-PVC-pipe stories to themselves. But these more generous souls have an answer to your penile incarceration troubles, and it involves the "hot-melt method." What does that involve? Well...

A long melting split was made on the PVC pipe entrapped on the penis by using the long narrow branch of forceps heated on a gas stove. The heated forceps was able to make a melt split on the PVC pipe. Consequently, the PVC pipe was removed by pulling the edges of the pipe apart without much difficulty. The total operation time was 20 minutes.

All things considered, that's probably about as pleasant as we could expect something called the hot-melt method to be. Even so, I'm officially resolving to never go near a PVC pipe ever again. You know...just to be on the safe side.