The thing I like about V is that it just keeps getting more and more sordid. Watching it is basically like reading a pulp from the 1930s - you know, one of those Weird Tales stories where devils are planning to have sex with your girlfriend, or alien sea beasts are impregnating every girl in a small town with tenticular babies. This week, V leader Anna revealed what can only be described as an alien sex fiend agenda. Plus, everybody cared way too much about Tyler's feelings.

Spoilers ahead!

So last week, the Pope came out in favor of the Visitors. Which put poor Father Jack in a tough bind. Obey the Pope, or obey his conscience? Honestly that question is way less interesting than WHY DOES THE POPE SUPPORT ALIENS? Also, why does the Israeli guy support the Fifth Column? Is this some kind of Catholics vs. Jews thing? I am so confused.

Anyway let's leave that aside and focus on Anna's breeding agenda, which she helpfully outlines multiple times in the episode in case the whole "red rain will prepare human women to breed with our men" thing hadn't burned itself into your brain forever the first time you heard it.

The V's invasion plan goes like this

1. Create "Concordia" urban centers where everybody is employed, there is no carbon footprint, and there is room for a giant spaceship to park on top.

2. Send in the soldiers to "collect the women" who have been "readied" for breeding by Red Sky.

3. Eradicate the human soul.

4. Invade the Earth.

5. Repeat.

I would like to understand more about the V reproductive process.

So before it seemed as if Anna and other queens were the ones who bred. Right? Anna gets all breedy, has sex with some poor drone, eats him, and then spits out a million eggs. Also I thought Vs couldn't interbreed with humans except in cases of "love." But now we're hearing that soldiers will "collect the women" - presumably human ones - for the big breeding project? So now the soldiers can breed with human women, and we're also suddenly finding out that male V can be dominant too? What the hell, people.

All I can say is this. If we want to be scientifically accurate, and stick with what we've already seen of V reproduction, Anna's plan had better be that the soldiers collect the human women and then SHE breeds with them. Parthenogenesis is the right way for this show to go at this point. It's a crowd-pleaser too.

OMG what will we get Tyler for his birthday?

At this point I'm ready for Lisa to have sex with Tyler and kill him the way Anna did with that poor soldier before she squirted out all her eggs. Seriously I don't care what happens to him at all - he's a mindless dork. Watching Erica and Anna fight over him just makes me feel sorry for everybody. In last night's episode both moms tried to win Tyler's heart by giving him awesome vehicles to ride.

Erica got ex-hubby Joe to give Tyler a motorcycle and a road map so Tyler could go on a long trip to "find himself" just the way Joe did when he was eighteen. Cue Easy Rider soundtrack music. But then Anna gives him a pilot's uniform and says he'll be the first human to pilot a V shuttle. So basically Anna is telling Tyler that he can be a space bus driver and he's like, "Arf! Arf! Thanks wow let me put on my neat uniform!"

The plan to assassinate Anna

Despite the thrilling question of Tyler's birthday present, we eventually turned to a subplot where the Fifth Column finally hooks up with Cohn to assassinate Anna at the party she throws to announce her breeding plan. There is a long scene which I think is supposed to be zippy where Erica is telling her Fed buddies how they'll secure the perimeter - intercut with her planning how to penetrate the perimeter with Fifth Column guys! Whoa - seriously complex.

And here's the complex plan: Father Jack will distract everybody with a demonstration while Cohn slips inside and whips out a giant gun and shoots Anna. Luckily nobody seems to be watching the obvious sniper areas in the room.

But then Ryan gets cold feet about the whole thing because his daughter keeps crying and only Anna's bliss can make her shut the hell up. So he tips off Anna and Anna's little friend Marcus gets shot instead. Somehow everybody gets away, including Cohn, but Jack gets scolded by his Pope-loving boss.

With Marcus shot, who will take his place?

Some spaceship engineering guy whose superpowers include clasping his hands and wearing turtlenecks with blazers.

Oh, and also? Ryan totally called Anna "my queen." He's back on the V side!

Seriously, that's it?

Yeah - sorry. No sex or pods or incestuous voyeurism in this episode. Erica and Joe made some shmoopy faces at each other. The Feds are starting to figure out that Erica is a turncoat. And Anna gave Erica one of those mega-glares that made me wish passionately that the incredible actresses who play Anna and Erica had jobs in better TV shows because I love them both and can't believe how awesome they are despite the bad material they're getting.

Tune in next week . . .

When there is going to be intergenerational mom incest action. And Erica will be tortured probably. Glad V is getting back to what it does best: creepy sex and torture.