Last Friday's episode of Smallville, "Fortune," was hands-down the most deranged hour of the show in recent memory. Thanks to some magically spiked champagne from Zatanna, Smallville delivered a shitfaced Superman stopping criminals and Oliver Queen dressed a showgirl. Spoilers?
50% intentionally funny and 100% super-camp, "Fortune" deserves a spot in the Annals of WTF Superhero Television, right next to David Hasselhoff's Nick Fury movie and Adam West's Batman. Seriously, "Fortune" was so damn giddy that it made the gruyère-tinged antics of The Cape look like Masterpiece Theater.
When we last left the Smallville gang, Clark and Chloe had defeated Darkseid's slimy dungeon master Desaad and Ollie had secretly been seduced by "the darkness." So yes, one of our leads is now a sleeper agent for the show's villain and what happens next? Dual bachelor/bachelorette party, of course!
For their respective nights out of the town, Clark recruits Ollie and Emil while Lois invites Chloe and Tess. Remember, this time last year, Tess was trying to kill Clark, now she's his fiancé's drinking buddy. Yay forgiveness! Anyway, the episode gets its requisite BDSM moment out of the away immediately (Lois opines, "I thought I'd be spending the entire night cuffed to a blow-up doll wearing a dog collar!") and everyone quaffs champagne (even Clark, whose Kryptonian physiology prevents him from getting drunk, he thinks he's people).
Cut to next morning — Clark has a Hangover™ and Chloe is wearing a wedding dress. Amongst their besotted wreckage they discover a note from Zatanna (the champagne was magic, so it affected Clark), a lemur, a torn-in-half marriage certificate (they suspect they got married while tanked), the fact that Clark can't use super-speed when he's hungover (see the above clip), and Emil spent the night as an Elvis impersonator (with Tess as his back-up singer; he's quickly hauled off by some goons impersonating cops for the crime of stealing an armored truck). Lois and Ollie wake up on some train tracks, and Lois has lost her ring. Magical champagne is brewed with rectified spirit and PCP, apparently.
All of the heroes' paths cross at Amos Fortune's casino. In DC Comics continuity, Fortune is a superhero who can manipulate his own "luck glands" to aid his sinister plots. On Smallville, he's a small-time gangster who rips off Lois' engagement ring (in a rigged game of blackjack) and tortures Emil (Fortune wants his armored truck back). His goons overwhelm a nosy Lois and Oliver, who dress as showgirls to escape (see clip). This scene is a typical Lois Lane fan service moment, but actor Justin Hartley makes a formidable glamazon.
After dispatching Fortune, getting Lois' ring back, and finding the armored car (drunk Clark stole it and hid it in the Kent barn), Chloe informs Clark she's taking a job in Star City, but not before an unexpected, left-field allusion to the rest of DC Universe's Trinity. Chloe mentions that she's met a "billionaire with high tech toys" and "a wondrous woman who is going to throw you for a loop." This is obviously coded language for Batman and Wonder Woman, but I'm hoping Chloe's referring to Ted Kord (who's appearing later this season) and some yet-to-be-invented DC heroine who tosses quoits.
At the end of the episode, the gang settles down and watches a video recording of their boozy exploits. We see drunk Clark steal a LexCorp sign and cockily thwart a crime and Emil and Tess enjoy some heavy petting (cue canned sitcom "oooohing" noise). In the last segment, Chloe and Oliver discover that they got hitched while drunk and walk off
into the sunset to Star City together.
Barring some same ol' relationship prattle between Lois and Clark, "Fortune" was an enjoyable episode precisely because it was rarely boring. It was like the CW hired John Waters to write the script and then removed all the cussing and dong shots in the editing room. If you'd never seen Smallville before this episode, you'd think the show was about...about...well, I have no clue. But you wouldn't forget "Fortune," that's for certain.
Plus, we haven't seen a live-action blotto Kal-El since what, Superman III? The show's first big allusion to the Dark Knight's existence was just gravy.