NBC's new Wonder Woman TV series is making a good effort to be ridiculous. There's the costume. There's the insane pilot script. But creator David E. Kelley will have to raise his game to be as nuts as the comics.
Seriously, we feel as though Kelley is trying to make Wonder Woman more campy and ludicrous than NBC's other recent costumed hero show, The Cape. Which is a great goal. But he should really aim higher — here are 10 completely bonkers storylines from the Wonder Woman comic that we hope Kelley finds room for in his television show.
Top image via Scans Daily
10) Megasharks on Guard
Wonder Woman's home of Themiscyra, otherwise known as Paradise Island, is surrounded by a school of megalodons, or mega-sharks, that guard the island from the ocean. The mega-sharks offered themselves up as a sacrifice to protect the island from a Kraken and another giant sea monster that were trying to attack the island. And their number apparently includes Swiftmaw the Wonder Shark.
9) The M-A-C Press Powder Punch
This ad for M-A-C cosmetics turned up recently, in which Medusa is trying to turn the women of the world into plain Janes, and it's up to Wonder Woman to stop Medusa with her... wait for it... pressed powder punch. Okay, it's an ad. But it's still one of the most gloriously demented things we've seen in ages. Wonder Woman prays to Aphrodite and cosmetics rain from the skies. Lol, whut? [via Scans_Daily]
8) The Amazon Bee Weapon
According to the Amazons Attack miniseries, in which the Amazons invade Washington D.C., the Amazons have a bee weapon. At one point, Batman utters the line, "Bees. My God." It has become a huge internet meme. Also in Amazons Attack:
- Winged horses attack Air Force One.
- Amazon arrows can pierce through fighter jets
- A mystical bubble surrounds Washington
- Hippolyta throws a plane at Wonder Woman
- And the government rounds up women, because any woman could be an Amazon.
7) The Magical Atom-Slicing Sword
In the Kingdom Come miniseries, the future Wonder Woman wields the Sword of Hephaestus, which is a magical weapon so sharp it can "carve the electrons off an atom." And it can cut Superman, because he's vulnerable to magic.
6) Wonder Woman's Carnival Mirror Therapy
Wonder Woman realizes that Steve Trevor never wants to go out with Wondy's alter ego, Diana Prince — because Steve is obsessed with Wonder Woman. And when Steve does go out with Diana, all he wants to do is talk about how great Wonder Woman is. So instead of, I don't know, getting a life, or talking to Steve about it, Wonder Woman takes Steve to a carnival, where she's planted magical mirrors in advance — which transform Wonder Woman into a distorted reflection that Steve is embarrassed to be seen with. Luckily, having a really tall or really round body turns out to be incredibly useful for fighting crime. More here and here.
5) Queen Atomia, Ruler of the Neutrons
Back in the Golden Age era, Wonder Woman faced a lot of weird foes, including Hypnota the Great, the Blue Snowman and Doctor Psycho. But perhaps the coolest was Queen Atomia, ruler of the subatomic realm, who faced Wonder Woman whenever she got shrunk down to tiny size. She planned to "take over the world, one atom at a time." Which could take a while. She also planned to steal all the world's uranium and use it for her own evil purposes. Here's an amazing sequence, where she explains how she controls the neutrons, via Scans Daily.
4) The Seal Men Capture Wonder Woman.
So they can make her work in their garden, in the light — because seals can't go out in the light. Because, uh... just because. And they plan to freeze Wonder Woman, along with the other women, in blocks of ice, until... they feel like defrosting them. It makes total sense. [Via Superdickery and Scans_Daily]
3) Submission to Loving Authority
For quite a while, the Amazons on Paradise Island were in the business of reforming all of Wonder Woman's female villains, by imprisoning them and indoctrinating them into "loving authority." The prisoners were given special magical girdles that sapped their willpower and made them obedient, and over time, female baddies were trained to obey Queen Hippolyta and the other Amazons — to the point where when Cheetah tried to lead a revolt, most prisoners don't want to escape.
During a long era in the 1960s, Wonder Woman lost her powers, and started dressing "mod" as just plain Diana Prince — as a way of proving that she didn't need powers to kick ass. Luckily, she had a blind Chinese man named — no kidding — I-Ching who could train her in martial arts. She fought an international terrorist named — no kidding — Doctor Cyber, who actually managed to kill off Steve Trevor.
1) Bondage, bondage, and bondage. Oh yeah, and bondage.
You didn't think we were going to ignore the most insane running theme in Golden Age and Silver Age Wonder Woman comics, did you? Chains and ropes and lassos are a huge part of the Wonder Woman mythos — she wears bracelets that are basically part of the manacles that the Amazons used to wear as prisoners of men. And any time a man chains those bracelets together, she loses her powers. But that doesn't really explain the amazing amount of time Wonder Woman spends tied to a bomb, tied to a post, chained up with a Nazi rocket flying towards her, tied up with her own lasso, in predicament bondage, and basically helpless in a huge variety of ways. It's sort of her thing.
Well, maybe there are some storylines that Kelley should just leave alone after all.
Additional reporting by Katharine Trendacosta