Do you wish Superman had a moronically catchy Eurodance song that blasted from the heavens whenever he took flight? If you answered in the affirmative, you'll go gonzo for Juan Piquer Simon's 1980 superhero flick Supersonic Man.

Supersonic Man was a joint Italian-Spanish production and featured a story so trite it barely deserves a mention. As the trash cinema blog Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill explains in their review:

Plot-wise, Supersonic Man doesn't waste any energy on originality. A super-powered alien called Supersonic is sent by his superiors to Earth to intervene in Man's war-like, nuclear aspirant ways. Once there, he assumes human guise as the luxuriantly mustached private detective Paul [who] lacks Supersonic's super abilities, and is, in fact, extremely susceptible to head trauma, which makes it all the more baffling that he so often insists upon taking on the bad guys on his own without assuming his infinitely more powerful alter ego. This never works out for him, and, as a result, he ends up spending a lot of time unconscious in the trunks of henchmen's cars.

But where Supersonic Man gains (at least my) plaudits is for his Eurodisco theme music. If you were a criminal, what would you find scarier — a hero whose theme song is imposing violins and stately trumpets or a crimefighter who sounds like a ketamine-drizzled evening in a Majorcan discotheque? The former superhero is taking you to jail — you have no goddamn idea what the latter's got planned.

It should also be noted that Supersonic Man features quite possibly the slowest robot attack, the most dolly-abusing heroic rescue, the least suspenseful superhero versus shark battle, and the shoddiest prop bulldozer (at left) ever committed to the moving picture.

And because I care, here's some more music that sounds like Supersonic Man's call to arms.