This is history's most important news story about Swiss psychics and urination

When you read a certain kind of news, the words smash you point blank in the face like a projectile fired from a flaming trebuchet. And when you regain consciousness and examine said projectile, you realize it is actually a matryoshka doll...filled with live grenades.

That, dear readers, is this kind of news.

According to the Swiss news site The Local, a Swiss Army officer lost a USB drive "containing codes" at military barracks in Columbier, Switzerland. When all else failed, the negligent soldier put his trust in the astral plane:

A colleague suggested turning to a clairvoyant after searches failed to turn up the item. The woman, who was not identified, said the man had lost the device "while peeing."

Army spokesman Daniel Reist downplayed the clairvoyant's "powers", saying that "things can get lost when you loosen your clothing to take a leak," [...] The device was found in a nearby bush, where the officer said he had relieved himself.

Was the psychic on military retainer? Does the Swiss military have latrines? Did a naughty chimpanzee break into The Local's offices and dance on a keyboard until serendipity intervened and this news popped out? This story raises more questions than it answers.

Thanks Johan!