The Most Outrageous Warehouse 13 Interview You'll Ever See

We should have known it was a bad idea to ask the stars of Warehouse 13, "What would it look like if there was an artifact related to football and porn?" But we did it anyway. Sorry.

Top image: Still from tonight's Warehouse 13 episode, "Don't Hate The Player"

For those of you who missed it, in the season premiere of Warehouse 13, Pete is seeking Myka's help with a magical Shakespearean artifact that causes people to die in horrible ways that are based on the Bard's work. And Pete remarks that if there was an artifact related to "football and porn," he would be totally at Myka's disposal.

So when we ran into Eddie McClintock and Joanne Kelly at Syfy and E!'s Comic-Con party, we were wondering just what that artifact would look like. You can watch the results in the video above, but here's how it went:

So we were wondering, what artifact could we possibly have that would have to do with football and porn?

Kelly: Ooh. (Thinks for a moment.) Me! Because I love football.

McClintock: And I love porn. (They high-five.)

Kelly: Thanks for taking that. I didn't have to say that I love porn.

Maybe Hugh Hefner's football jersey?

McClintock: Actually, John Holmes' penis pump. I actually tried it a few times. Let me tell ya, didn't do much for me, but apparently for him it worked wonders. Because I'm Irish. I'm Irish, and it's cold there. It's not very long, but it's very skinny.

And then McClintock went on to reveal that in the recent episode where Pete gets regressed to childhood, there's a whole "flatulation scene" which got cut. Because "it was too real." Added Kelly, "he farted on me before every scene."

On a slightly more serious note, Kelly talked about how Myka has gotten over her adjustment in returning to the team after her time away. She and Pete have worked through their feelings about Myka's abandonment of the team, and now she's ready to come back to work. "I think we resolved it, and I really loved shooting that episode," she said, referring to "Trials." And she felt that McClintock was "the most adorable kid in the world."

And Kelly says Myka has realized she really does belong at the Warehouse:

She's doing what she loves. And I think that these people are as much a part of her... she couldn't leave her. That's the heart of our show — the family that these people have created in an extraordinary circumstance. And I think that's why people love our show, because it has so much heart, and you can identify with that.

Adds McClintock, "How many family shows are actually on TV right now? What family show comes to mind, besides Keeping Up With the Kardashians? And Spartacus. Spartacus is a family show. Every time my son sees a woman in a merkin, he knows, 'Family show.' Or a man with a prosthetic dong."

We also talked about new addition Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore), who's already become a popular character because he's just too darn likable. And Kelly says that Ashmore brings a great energy to the mix — he's so calm and laid-back, he's like "the eye at the center of the storm." And they said that having a character who's a living lie detector might indeed make things uncomfortable. I shared my theory about Steve Jinks — that he lies all the time, because he's the only one who can get away with it when he's around. And they seemed to like that notion.

Also, when we talked to McClintock by himself, he talked a bit about what we'd discovered about Pete, with his abandonment issues stemming from the death of his father: "We had to learn what Pete's demons are. We know he's a recovering alcoholic. Usually, when someone is funny, they basically are using their comedy to cover something up. So I'm glad that we kind of are getting to the bottom of that." And he said we'd be revisiting Pete's alcoholism, and "I hope we move further in" towards examining that. McClintock said he comes from the Midwest, where "alcholic" is a dirty word: "It's almost like saying you're gay."

Meanwhile, we also caught up with Allison Scagliotti, who told us that she's been blown away by how much people liked Claudia's "Me Dance," on being made an agent. And she gave us a little in-person demonstration of the "Me Dance," as much as she could in her uncomfortable high heels.

Also, Scagliotti said that Steve Jinks would be vital to the development of Claudia's character — and he might be connected to the season's running "villains" storyline:

The relationship between Claudia and Steve is crucial to Claudia's development, not only as a member of the Warehouse but as a young adult, growing up. He's an important addition to the Warehouse family and also integral in the way our villains storyline develops — which is incredibly layered and will have you guessing until the end. It's an intense season. I'm really excited to see it myself, and also for the fans to see it.

And she said a major theme of this storyline and season is "how our past actions and experiences affect the future. I think this has to do with the downside of an artifact, and those ramifications in the long run."

We also brought up the criticism we've heard from some fans about Claudia — that she's too perfect, or a "Mary Sue." And Scagliotti said Claudia is far from perfect — "she has her flaws. Sometimes her flaw is enthusiasm, sometimes it's cynicism. She's inconsistent just like me or you, or anybody who watches the show." We'll be revisiting the fact that Claudia was in a mental institution, as has already been mentioned once or twice this season. But we won't be meeting Claudia's brother again, any time soon.

We also got a chance to talk to Saul Rubinek, who plays Pete and Myka's enigmatic boss Artie. He told us that we'd be seeing more of Artie's father/daughter relationship with Claudia — including Artie's occasional need to spy on Claudia when he sends her out on missions. "Artie, like any dad, wants to know that when he sends his daughter, or surrogate daughter, out in the field that she's going to be protected. He wants her to know that she's trusted. She's got to spread her wings, but he's also very protective." And he said that even though there are now two teams — Claudia and Steve, Pete and Myka — we'll still see a lot of Artie going out in the field, as well.

As for this new mysterious threat, this shadow warehouse that seems to be plotting against our heroes, Rubinek said we would see Artie taking a hand in helping to figure it out — working together with the Regents. And we might also be learning more secrets about the Regents themselves, as well as secrets about Artie's own dark past. It's possible that spending so much time close to so many powerful artifacts has corrupted Artie a bit, or at least he has to struggle with the temptation to misuse them. If we want to see the darkest version of Artie's dark side, advises Rubinek, we should write to our member of Congress.

And Rubinek hinted that we'll keep revisiting the question of whether H.G. Wells is really such a villain.