Supernatural gives good death - and major fan serviceS

As if trying to top that death-by-melted-cheese from a few episodes ago, last night's Supernatural gave us one of my favorite magic-enabled murders ever. But that was nothing compared to the hot, wet fanservice the show delivered by stunt casting former Buffy regulars James Marsters and Charisma Carpenter as a married couple in serious need of counseling.

Spoilers ahead!

Supernatural gives good death - and major fan serviceS

Best. Death. Evar.

If you've ever gotten your hair permed, straightened, or colored, you have seen the device that I've always thought of as the Dryer Of Death. It's a giant plastic helmet that goes over your head, while you have horrible chemicals eating into your scalp, and blows hot hair all over your head and face. Like I said: it feels like death. And last night, we got to watch a hexed dryer deliver TOTAL SCALP DEATH. An annoying blonde is getting . . . the last highlights she'll ever have. The dryer heats up, belches smoke, explodes a little, and then fries her.

Loved it. Almost as good as death by nacho cheese. Certainly better than death by nail gun, which happened later in the episode. Kudos, though, for death by nail gun in a portapotty. Never seen that one before.

Supernatural gives good death - and major fan serviceS

. . . And it's your basic monster of the week

So of course Sam and Dean read about these weird deaths and hightail it to the midwestern city where everything is going orthogonal. There is actually a great moment where Dean is doing research, and we see these words on his laptop screen: "Your search for 'freaky accidents' produced one result." Clearly, he's using Bing, because Google would give him way more results than that.

Anyway, the brothers poke around a bit and find out that all the freaky accident victims are connected to this real estate mogul played by James Marsters. I don't care what his character's name is and neither do you. He's Spike. Anyway, so it turns out that Spike's wife Cordelia has been hexing a bunch of people — especially anybody connected to an affair that Spike had with a local real estate agent (the one who suffered Dryer Death). Cordy even goes after Spike's perfectly innocent office assistant, planting beating hearts inside the assistant's cupcakes. Bonus points for the cupcake gore moment.

The twist, if you can even call it that, is that Spike turns out to be a witch too. So it's like War of the Roses, with the two of them killing each other's friends and destroying each other's charity auctions and town monuments as they fight about Spike's infidelity.

Allow us to provide you with some swollen, moist fan service

When the chicken feet in the Winchesters' witch-begone recipe turn out to be too spoiled, the brothers are left with no other choice but to try marriage counseling on the warring witches. They stumble through some semi-funny lines about how the two obviously love each other because they haven't killed each other yet - and the witches respond by magically kicking Sam in the balls from across the room and throwing Dean through a glass door. Just watch this clip and lap it up.

But then Spike and Cordy realize that they do love each other, and suddenly a zillion fans are confronted with a ship that I cannot believe ever sailed very far. Who wrote Spike/Cordy fanfic? I'm sure somebody did somewhere in the dark bowels of LiveJournal, but seriously? This is shipping from the bizarro universe. Which makes it kind of a genius move. I thought it was incredibly cute, but I kept wondering if that was entirely because I like having my fandom wanked. I might not have enjoyed this episode at all if I'd never watched Buffy.

Supernatural gives good death - and major fan serviceS

And here's the monster I want to see more of . . . Cheese Guy!

The cheese murderer himself has been hot on the boys' tails since the episode started. I like this guy. I like the way he gets business done. I like his attitude. Here's a monster I want to get to know better. He even keeps a guy tied up in his trunk for brain snacks on the road.

Unfortunately, when Cheese Guy finally finds the brothers, he doesn't give very good monster. As soon as they figure out that he's a Leviathan and are in full Oh Fucking Shit mode, Spike strolls in casually and paralyzes Cheese Guy. He's stopped by to pull some hexes out from under the brothers' beds because Cordy was planning to kill them. Spike is really a nice witch, even though he's kind of a dick. Plus the spell he's cast will last a few days, which gives the brothers an idea . . .

Why not take Cheese Guy home to Bobby so they can interrogate the black goo out of him? Yep, that's the next logical step.

And now it's time to process our feelings

This is getting way too literal. Sam must have raided the self help section at the local Buy and Go. After the witchy marriage counseling, and the last-minute save from Spike, the brothers load their Leviathan into the back seat of the Chevy and have a moment. Sam urges Dean to open up and share his feelings because that will make everything better. I guess having his soul back, and Lucifer in his head, has made Sam super processy.

Dean does a great job gruffly deflecting Sam's therapeutic moves. "Something's always eating me," he grouses. "That's who I am." At this point, it's not clear whether Dean is just annoyed by "I'm all recovered and jogging every morning" Sam, or if he's still feeling upset over killing Sam's childhood girlfriend Amy. Maybe there's something else bugging Dean, too. I mean, the guy has done a zillion awful things, some of them to Sam. I'm starting to think Amy is the least of his concerns.