Still having a hard time getting a handle on this whole half-naked Mars movie starring Taylor Kitsch and green Avatar people? No problem. Disney has literally spelled out the entire plot of its "planetary romance" John Carter, for everybody who's struggling with the concept.

Except they did leave out the whole warring nations, space jumping and Civil War vet stuff, but that's all just dirty details!

Clearly this is an attempt to bridge the gap between people who have read Edgar Rice Burroughs' work and those who haven't — meaning, almost everyone. But as much as we poke fun at Taylor and his flock of hairless Martian warriors, we melt whenever we see Woola.

John Carter will hit theaters on March 9th.