I like to watch teenage Amazons eat weirdly poop-looking chunks of human flesh as much as the next person, but still last night's Supernatural didn't do much for me. "The Slice Girls" was a welcome respite from the heavy, depressing arc following Bobby's death, but it also gave us weirdly flat monsters who might have been more at home in a Hammer film circa 1970. That said, this episode gave Jensen Ackles a chance to shine as we watched Dean sliding deeper into depression and desperation.
You shook me all night long
As you can see from my favorite montage of the episode (above), complete with one of the best songs in the English language, this week's monsters like to fuck and kill. I'm OK with that, and I'm especially OK with seeing Aunt Jenna from Vampire Diaries fooling around with Dean.
The premise is that Sam has found several newspaper stories about men being killed in a pretty supernatural way - they've been beaten by a preternaturally strong something, their hands and feet cut off, and their chests have been carved with something that reminded me of the Prince symbol. Despite the obvious weirdness, Dean resists going to investigate - all he wants to do is take deep swigs from Bobby's old hip flask. Even after they fake Fed their way into the local coroner's fridge and find out that the DNA left on the bodies doesn't match anything human, Sam is still left trying to convince Dean it's a legit case. Which is why Sam does a bunch of research and Dean goes off to the bar to hook up with Jenna.
Aaaand of course Jenna is their monster, who gets pregnant and gives birth like a day after her hookup. Dean comes by her place to pick up Bobby's flask - which he somehow left behind - and catches Jenna's baby, Emma, speaking like an adult. He's starting to believe that something seriously creepy is going on, and that maybe the superbaby might be his.
As I said earlier, I think the best part of the episode was Ackles' often subtle performance. We're starting to realize that Bobby's death may have been the straw that broke big bro's back. Dean's drinking; he's not interested in hunting; he's filled with rage every time they come across a clue that Bobby would have understood.
This is all made so much worse by the anthropology professor they have to consult about the Prince symbol on the dead bodies. Instead of Bobby, they're dealing with a fussy jerk who wants a green card for his maid in exchange for figuring out that the Prince symbol comes from ancient Amazonian religious rituals. Later, when the boys are at wit's end, a ghostly wind whips through their room and surfaces a paper in Greek - which Professor Fussy also translates. It turns out to contain information about an Amazonian group who survived by making a bargain with their goddess. They'll grow an army fast, if they promise that their daughters will kill their baby daddies.
Of course one good way to grow an army quickly might be to have babies that grow to adulthood in a few days. Also, what was that wind that brought that Greek note to the Winchesters' attention? Was it Bobby's ghost, helping them out?
Hey girls, let's party with blood and sperm!
Our Amazonian patricidal cult is as silly as it is aimless. So they've been building this army since the days of ancient Greece, with superbabies, and they still haven't taken over the world yet? Instead they've got women with dyed black hair in business suits telling a group of adolescent girls to eat pieces of turd-looking flesh with their milk, in order to become strong warriors. Later, we see Suit Amazon branding Emma with the Prince symbol and telling her to endure pain, dish out pain, and watch Purple Rain. OK, time to go kill Dean.
Cut to Dean trying to deal with Emma, who cons her way into the boys' hotel room by saying that the Amazons are making her do icky things and she wants to escape. Dean is feeling all soft about his daughter, and even when she pulls a knife he finds it hard to shoot her. Luckily Sam arrives just in time, and shoots Emma dead. The two race to the Amazon hideout and find it abandoned. So the rest of the Amazon tribe is still out there, and let's just say they're not selling books and underwear online.
And now it's time to process our feelings
"Bobby was right - you're head's not in the game," rages Sam as the two drive away from the abandoned Amazon lair. The two are arguing about whether Emma really was Dean's daughter, and Dean feels conflicted. Sam points out that their credo is "you kill the monster," which is why Dean had to kill Sam's childhood girlfriend earlier this season, after she tried to heal her sick son with brain juice from a few guys she brought home. (FYI, he was healed; he's not dead; and somewhere out there is a really pissed off kid who has vowed to kill Dean.)
At any rate, Sam and Dean are now even in the "I killed that monster you liked" department. And Sam has finally gotten it out in the open that he thinks Dean's next performance review for the Hunter Human Resources Department is going to be less than stellar. It's the same old tension. Which brother is crazier? Who is going to help them out now that Bobby and Cas are dead? Let's hope next week they can deal with their issues without us having to headslap ourselves over a bunch of Evil Slutty Female Separatists Who Kill Their Fathers.