What if Wes Anderson directed a Batman movie?

What if the symmetry-obsessed, muted-palette-loving director took on The Dark Knight? More importantly, who would Jason Schwartzman play? Behold Alfred Pennyworth, the Life Nocturnal.

The LA Times' Sean Hartter's has dreamt up three very different Batman movies by Matthew Vaughn, Todd Philips and Wes Anderson. Here's the rundown on the faux-Anderson's version, Alfred Pennyworth, the Life Nocturnal:

Hey Gotham City, why so serious? Bill Murray stars in this quirky, existential Wes Anderson film about the aging manservant who keeps an eye on the demons and delusions of a billionaire recluse named Bruce Wayne (Luke Wilson) who likes to wear a cape and pretend he is a masked vigilante. The film also stars as Danny Glover as Jim Gordon, Gweneth Paltrow as Selina Kyle, Jason Schwartzman as Dick Grayson and Owen Wilson as Harvey Dent. Gene Hackman makes a cameo appearance as the ghost of Thomas Wayne.

What if Wes Anderson directed a Batman movie?

Matthew Vaughn's "Batman: Mad City.

What if Wes Anderson directed a Batman movie?

Todd Phillips' "Dude, Where's My Batmobile?"

To read the rest of these fake recaps, check out Hero Complex.