The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

This should appeal to those of you who were tickled by those magnificent Edo-era He-Gassen scrolls, which put the art in "fart." Throughout the early 1800s, celebrated Japanese artist Utagawa Kuniyoshi (1798-1861) painted hundreds of gorgeous scenes, including those of landscapes, samurai, and beautiful women.

He also illustrated raccoon-dogs with massive, parachute-like testicles, a skeleton with an ossified erection, and an octopus made entirely out of vaginas. We'll be focusing on those today. Welcome to an absolutely insane corner of Japanese art history.

Top Image: One of Kuniyoshi's composite, butt-nosed paintings (1847-1848), as I didn't want to slap a giant mythical ballsack on the front page.

Between 1842-1844, Kuniyoshi illustrated a series of comic illustrations depicting tanuki, or raccoon dogs, and their mammoth testicles, which were more versatile than Mary Poppins' magic bag.

Now, some of you may be familiar with tanuki from the Studio Ghibli film Pom Poko or Super Mario Bros. 3, but chances are you've never seen tanuki as disgustingly resourceful as Kuniyoshi's. Who knew that elephantiasis could transform you into MacGyver? Here's a sampling of things tanuki can do with their magical scrota. I suppose some of this could qualify as work unfriendly, but pull out the "highfalutin art history" card if anybody asks.

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

For starters, tanuki testicles can catch birds.


The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can haul goods.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can catch fish.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make for good umbrellas.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can become enflamed such that they fill the entire room.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make for fantastic fortune telling booths.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can advertise soap.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make for impromptu gyms.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can bludgeon catfish.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles are an excellent substitute for a sumo wrestling ring.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles are a warm blanket.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make for ripping cosplay.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles are so ubiquitous that tanuki go to sideshows to laugh at tiny-testicled tanukis.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can imitate tengu, or bird monsters.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles are used to make delicious mochi.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make for great nautical displays.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles can scare the shit out of your friends.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanuki testicles make fine turtle costumes.
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanukis sometimes sell testicles, despite the magnitude of their own (circa 1839-1842).
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)Tanukis teabagging humans are occasionally mistaken for the silhouettes of carp (circa 1848-1851).
The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)And most importantly, tanuki testicles are essential for archery competitions.

Those furry creatures were pretty nightmarish, no? Well, Kuniyoshi painted much, much worse. In 1836, the artist worked on a series of erotic paintings depicting human genitalia as angry demons. This series is likely neither safe for work nor your sanity. I've supplemented the illustrations with translations from The Kuniyoshi Project. Apologies in advance.

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"The Pussy Spirit of Kasane"

The disfigured Kasane had been murdered by her husband, Yoemon, with a sickle by the Kinu River.

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"The Cunt Monk"

Umi-bôzu (sea monk) was a large demon that emerged from the sea to haunt ships.

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"Consoling Pussy of Horse Face Mountain, Sometimes Called Monk Riot"
(The translation doesn't make a ton of sense, so I'm not even going to ask.)

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"Four-Eyed Acolyte"

Hitotsume kozô (one-eyed acolyte) was a much-feared demon. This four-eyed version holds higo-zuiki (dried stems of sweet potato), which were used as a sex toy.

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"Octo-pussy of the Numeri River"
(The name says it all.)

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"Pillar of Flames"

A flaming pillar of penises rises above the roofs of the Yoshiwara pleasure quarter (which was frequently destroyed by fire).

The Raccoon Scrotum Monster, and Other Awful Creatures from 1800s Japanese Artwork (NSFW)

"The Penis Skeleton"
(More truth in advertising.)

Via The Kuniyoshi Project: 1, 2. Hat tip to Marcelo.