Scientology's 1969 Predictions for Life in 2010... on Another Planet

This is one of the greatest things I've seen this week. Back in 1969, Scientology's magazine Advance! put out an article about how great things would be in the year 2010... but just to hedge their bets a little, the article is set on another planet. Find out how the introduction of Scientology made everything "groovy" on the planet Mothar, including the Motharian baseball games.

Top image: Dan Vitale/Advance!.

It's hard to believe now, with its paranoid, secretive image — but Scientology was once much more openly wacky and hippie-ish. (And of course, William Burroughs had a very public flirtation with Scientology in the late 1950s and early 1960s.) And Scientologists used to go around using words like "groovy."

This page from Advance! comes via the Village Voice, which also kindly supplied a transcript. I'm fascinated by the whole thing, including whether its author originally intended it to be an article about 2010 on Earth, but revised it at the last moment to make it about the planet Mothar instead. Why would the year 2010 be significant on Mothar anyway? Do they even use our calendar there? Confusing.

Scientology's 1969 Predictions for Life in 2010... on Another Planet

Scientology Mothar
Space Org Success on Another Planet: Year 2010

What has it been like since Dianetics and Scientology were introduced to our planet? It's been fantastic!

There's been a lot of groovy changes. For example, we found that the smog in our capital city, Cazon, all cleared up after we cleared 35% of the city's population. And, you know the desert on Salmar our climatologists hadn't been able to explain — suddenly began to have regular rainfall and has since become an exceedingly remunerative inter-galactic resort.

In fact, since we promoted Monar Sal, OT VIII, to the head of the Global Weather Bureau the weather has been a damn sight better and we've had no more washed out baseball games or rocket car races.

The medical authorities eagerly cooperated with Dianetics right from beginning. And with the impact of Dianetics the medicos made real advances in their own field. Why it's routine now if a guy gets his body too badly smashed up and it can't be saved that our medicos fly in a new body unit to him and then run out the engram.

Of course, the frequency of such accidents is almost zero now.

I remember how it used to be before that day when the blue and gold space ships of the Space Org wafted down fluttering huge banners which said (in our own language, mind you) BEINGS OF MOTHAR, GOOD NEWS, SCIENTOLOGY IS HERE, TOTAL FREEDOM AWAITS YOU.

To say the least, though we were surprised, the Central Office was flooded the next day with countless thousands of requests to find out about Scientology.

I was one of the many who did so. The day afterwards I bought a book in our language called DIANETICS THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH by L. Ron Hubbard.

Within a week I was on the HSDC and soon I was proud to become at AO Mothar, Scientology Clear No. 10. Quickly most of the planet's population followed suit.

There were, of course, a few die-hards — who claimed man couldn't be helped, that all life was basically composed of star dust and that man's destiny was directed mysteriously by rays of star light. Their "therapy" was to knock someone out so he could "see stars." How spooked can someone get? Anyway, we sent these pathetic few to a secluded island where they could get special attention, rest and quiet. Eventually, even they realized there was hope and through Dianetics were completely rehabilitated and became useful beings.

Before the famous blue and gold brought Scientology to us, our planet was deadlocked in deadly interplanetary warfare with Cornawal and it was a flip of a coin chance for survival.

Fortunately for all concerned, the Space Org with its typical efficiency also arrived on Cornawal at the same time they visited here. I say "fortunately" as we were just about to blast each other out of orbit.

Besides war, there were all the other usual pre-Scientology unsolved conditions. For example, despite our latest spaceships and matter transformers, inexplicable sickness was rife and the suicide rate was hitting an alarming high. The drug traffic from the Third Sector was just about wiping out the sane ambition of half the younger generation. Frankly, we'd about had it and I wouldn't have given you two mombs for planetary insurance for Mothar.

Dianetics and Scientology changed all that.

Life is now harmonious, productive and fun. We've looked outward to bigger and bigger games.

As for myself, I'm now wearing the blue and gold Space Org uniform and I'll be going soon on my fifth mission to bring Scientology and Ron's bridge to Total Freedom to the lucky beings of yet another galaxy.

I'm just glad that interplanetary war with the planet Cornawal was averted. [via Village Voice]