Given the fact that Batman is a vigilante who traipses around dressed as a flying guano factory, it's a damn miracle he's as straitlaced as he is. In fact, it's a testament to his even keel that the citizens of Gotham are happy that he's constantly running on their tenement roofs and blasting masonry to smithereens with his grappling hook.
That said, the Dark Knight has fallen off the sanity wagon quite a bit — and we're not just talking about the times he was buzzed on Joker Venom, Scarecrow's Fear Gas, or a contact high from the Floronic Man's body odor that one time the villain transformed his entire body into marijuana. Here's a decalogue of decades of Batmania.
10.) Batman manhandles an entire zoo
The 1969 children's book Batman: The Cheetah Caper was filled with short, stilted prose, as not to confuse its younger audience. This book however lives in infamy for its depiction of Batman investigating empty jars of peanut butter and grappling with untamed fauna. One of the book's most celebrated panels involves the Caped Crusader shoving lions into a confused college student's automobile. Here are some other key sequences, like Batman throwing a cobra in the trash.
9.) Batman allows parents to name their child after him
In 1957's Batman #108, the hero rescued a nice family from vehicular demise. The family was so grateful that they dubbed their newborn son "Batman," and not as a reference to the city in Turkey. What's shocking here is that Batman does not call child services immediately.
8.) Lex Luthor transforms Batman into a child, Superman makes him fight a bear
In 1976's Action Comics #465, Lex Luthor uses scientific trickery to transform the Flash and the Caped Crusader into children. They meet up with Superman, who requires them to prove their true identities first. Of course, given Superman's weird rapport with animals, he makes child Batman beat the hell out of a bear. If this is the Kryptonian equivalent of a bar mitzvah, it's news to me. Note: Not the only time Batman fought a bear.
7.) Batman and Robin wear shades, make terrible jokes
In 1968's Batman #205, the Dynamic Duo broke up a ring of gangsters pretending to be blind. With this caper wrapped up satisfactorily, the good guys stand around acting like Corey Hart video and yukking it up at the expense of the sight impaired.
6.) Batman spanks a woman for a photo opportunity
In 1966's The Brave and the Bold #64, scheming socialite Marcia Monroe/villainess Queen Bee clambers up a bridge and threatens to jump as a ploy for attention. Batman — never one to lend a sympathetic ear — engages in some confounding public relations judo before the lens of a salivating photog. It's worth mentioning that Batman also enjoys talking dirty with this particular character.
5.) Robin's sadomasochistic birthday
1942's Batman #10 revealed the hero's frenetic coming-of-age ritual — stealth birthday spankings and a free airplane. I'm assuming Batman assumes the latter cancels out the former, but it's hard to fit in aviation lessons when you have to schedule a lifetime of grief counseling.
4.) Batman threatens Catwoman with a spanking
1940's Batman #1 gave readers the first appearance of Joker and Catwoman. It also offered Batman a prime opportunity to introduce readers to his penchant for ass play.
3.) Batman "digs this day"
I mentioned this panel a wee while back with regards to the Brazilian Batman, but it's so magnificent it deserves another mention. In 1972's The Brave and the Bold #102, the Caped Crusader is strutting down the avenues of Gotham, looking sharp and eyeing up the females. It is also one of Grant Morrison's favorite Batman panels. Said the author to us in 2009:
One of my all-time favourite Batman panels was written by Haney and drawn by Jim Aparo and shows Batman strolling down the sunlit streets of Gotham, checking out the mini-skirted girls and accompanied by the line to end all lines: 'Yes, Batman digs this day!'
I'm not saying that's the Batman we want to see on every page, but I love that he might have this aspect to his character. I love the notion of a Batman who enjoys a peaceful stroll down the summer sidewalks of the city he keeps safe. There's something very human about that and it makes him much more relatable and rounded.
2.) Batman, secret NRA member
Sure, Batman may hem and haw about how he hates firearms, but the guy has wielded a gun more often than he'd like to admit. In fact, early Batman tales featured the character using pistols prominently.
1.) Batman made out with a goat
To be fair, the Joker made him do it. To be completely unfair, he could've closed his mouth.
BONUS: Batman and Robin, having an avian good time.