Peter Anspach's "The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord" is required reading for anyone hoping to enter the growing field of supervillainry. But how much does it cost to be a successful and rational evil overlord?
The speculative bean counters at Centives have attached a price tag to each item on Anspach's list, and it should surprise no one that truly thorough supervillainry doesn't come cheap. Here are the five most expensive items, according to Centives:
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
Notes: Large scale incinerators are admittedly expensive, but there's a fair amount of entertainment value to be had with them.
89. After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
Notes: The cost of maintaining a small army.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
Notes: This seems to be the going rate for priceless objects.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
Notes: The unemployment benefits of a thousand young ladies every year.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
Notes: Loss of revenue from one sporting match (Manchester United profit per game), saving of one bounty hunter to retrieve hero after.
On the upside, here's where you'll save money:
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Notes: Keeping a prisoner for 30 years.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
Notes: Supercomputers are expensive. There are significant savings to be had by not running one.
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
Notes: Lavish spectacle: Prince William's royal wedding. Final phase of Windsor plan yet unknown.
See the rest of the items, and their sources, at Centives.