Your brain cannot handle Hitlar, a movie about Hitler's evil Pakistani gangster son

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Gee, didn't The Boys From Brazil really lack catchy disco numbers?" Well, you're in luck, you hypothetical (and presumably insane) alternate history enthusiast!

The 1980s Pakistani action flick Hitlar presents a parallel universe in which der Führer escaped Germany after World War II only to settle down in South Asia. Once there, the deposed tyrant threw his racial dogma to the wind and sired a son (actor Mustafa Qureshi, with swishing Teutonic locks).

The son of Hitler — the eponymous Hitlar — spends his days terrorizing a small town, using his musical sting to petrify his enemies (hear it in the video below), and conversing with paintings of his dead Nazi father. As the blog Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill explains of this particular plot point:

[In] case there is any doubt in your mind as to whether it is really that Hitler that's being referred to, there are the numerous, swastika-featuring portraits of the man himself that adorn our villain's lair, which essentially serve as the filmmakers' way of saying, "Yes, we totally went there."

And that villain, of course, is Hitlar, the ill-fitting Shirley-Temple-meets-Louis-XIV wig wearing son of Hitler, who, as a shouty prologue narration informs us, fled Germany following the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki (by Germany, apparently) and found happiness in the arms of a Pakistani woman somewhere in the Punjab [...] Old Adolf appears to have passed on sometime between then and the events of this film, but that does not prevent young Hitlar from seeking the counsel of his dad, whom he refers to as "Master," via frequent soliloquies directed toward those aforementioned portraits.

Hitlar's nemesis is played by the late Pakistani megastar Sultan Rahi, whose protagonist is marked for death after defying the evil strongman. How does Hitlar attempt to dispose of the hero? By recruiting an army of bears to slay him. Yes, the son of Hitler has the power to command ursine warriors. In this reality, the history books seemingly double as Mad Libs.

Watch the entire film (in Punjabi, sadly without subtitles) here, and you can read more about Hitlar at Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill. For more low-budget Pakistani cinema craziness, see that one time Salman Rushdie was disintegrated by some flying, laser-firing Korans. Also, Hitlar is not to be confused with the 2011 Punjabi romance Hero Hitler in Love, which has absolutely nothing to do with Adolf Hitler.