Hey reader, just what exactly did Harry Potter do? As far as I remember, he coasted on his own legend like an Olsen twin, let Hermione do all the hard thinking, and made out with Ron's sister while Ronnie's remedial warlock back was turned.

In short, Harry Potter was a real backseat überwizard, a real lackadaisical magus. In short, he was the diametric opposite of Boy God.

Who is Boy God? Why, he was only the star of the 1982 Filipino fantasy flick Roco, ang batang bato, which was released stateside as Boy God and in Australia as Stone Boy. Take a moment to watch the American trailer above. Don't try to figure out the movie's plot (as your synapses will melt like fondue).

Done yet? Wasn't that a crackerjack preview? It had everything! Dr. Josef Mengele's werewolf army (seriously!), a cyclops, every major scene spoiled (see below), verbose narration that revealed almost nothing about the movie's plot — the works! As the blog Bamboo Gods and Bionic Boys explains of Boy God's plot, the movie is an amalgam of your favorite 1980s genre flicks, plus an immortal boy who must rescue his dead parents' souls from Limbo:

Boy God, the Filipino child superhero who makes Harry Potter look like a human bedpan

Baby Rocco is born the same night his parents are gunned down outside their house. Years later, Rocco is now a precocious eleven year old living with his grandmother, who warns him to keep his growing powers secret. "You're like limestone," she explains - harder under heat, but dissolves in water [...]

Filipino films are renowned for "borrowing" elements from other films, and it's not just Clash Of The Titans from which the film takes its cues; there's the dwarf army from Time Bandits, and a lycanthrope transformation scene cribbed from either An American Werewolf In London or The Howling which, despite its crude stop-motion effects with plasticine and Brillo pads, is unnerving enough both in its primitivism, and in its family film context.

You saw most of them in the trailer, but here's an extended cut of Boy God's greatest kills. (Those cyclops scenes are notably inspired.) For another watershed moment in 1980s Filipino cinema, see The Killing of Satan. And for another unheralded warrior tot, see Peach Boy from Magic of Spell.