Help find the equation for the perfect butt!

The Holmes Equation actually sums, and multiplies, up the equation for the perfect butt. Sadly, unlike the perfect butt, it is one-sided! Can you help round out this equation set?

David Holmes, who lectured in psychology at the University of Manchester in England, showed off his talent for marketing, when he announced that he had the equation to create the perfect butt. It incorporated muscle tone, skin texture, and overall attractiveness. It's pretty simple.

(S+C) x (B+F)/T = V

The variables all stand for different things.

(Shape + Circularity) x (Bounce + Firmness)/Texture = Hip to Waist Ratio.

He claims that 0.7 would be the perfect V. So clearly, that's all worked out.

Sadly, it seems that Holmes meant this as a way to evaluate the female tush — while the male rear bumper was neglected. When I read about this, it saddened me, as I'm sure it does you all, that the men of this world have to wander around knowing that their ass prettiness is not reliably quantifiable. I call on all Io9ers to work out a similar math equation for the male tight end. Anyone care to venture an equation?

Top Image: 4FreePhotos
Via Salon.