Become the next Mr. Snuffleupagus at the Sesame Street open auditions

Can we tell you how to get to Sesame Street? Indeed, we can — simply go to New York City's Roseland Ballroom on August 20 between the hours of 10 AM and 2 PM and secure your place in the pantheon of legendary children's entertainers. Just think, centuries from now your visage will be carved out of a 100-foot slab of granite next to telamones of Howdy Doody and Mr. Greenjeans from Captain Kangaroo.

Of course, you still have to get the part first. PBS recently posted the criteria for this role on the Children's Television Workshop blog. Here's what they're looking for. Also, to frighten off any of you pretenders who wouldn't know an "A" from a "B," I have posted this 1982 supercut of Giancarlo Esposito — a.k.a. the ruthless drug kingpin Gus Fring from Breaking Badas Big Bird's avuncular camp counselor "Mickey":

Sesame Street Seeking Recurring Character

Male or female actor, 18-25, fluent in Spanish and English, comfortable with multiple Spanish dialects and accents. Good sense of humor. Must sing well. Actor should be comfortable with both physical and improvisational comedy. Actor should be warm, likable and engaging. Must be prepared to sing a cappella in Spanish and English.

For those of you who were not scared off by Esposito's totally heartwarming performance, I have further bad news — I have already secured this role.

Yes, despite being too old, only being able to order shandies and kaiserschmarrn in broken German, and possessing the singing voice of Tom Waits with strep throat, I have been anointed "the next male Maria Rodriguez." My first order of business is to bring back the Yip Yips (see left), at the threat of terrorizing audiences with my rendition of Richard Pryor's alphabet every five minutes.

Top image: Early Mr. Snuffleupagus is disconcerting.

[Via Laughing Squid]