University lab technician arrested for drunken party with monkeys

Bad news first: it looks like Rise of the Planet of the Apes recently kicked off in our reality. The good news? Our future ape overlords will implement a regime not unlike that of a no-budget 1980s comedy — think Porky's starring Doctor Zaius. As WJBF Augusta explains:

[A] Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU) Lab Animal Services employee was found drunk and partially nude in a Lab Animal Services Technician locker room on Monday, August 13th. A GHSU spokesperson confirms that 2 monkeys were out of their cages in the locked Animals Services Lab.

Fortunately, the animals weren't harmed during this laboratory bacchanalia, and the employee was charged with public drunkenness. This is how 28 Days Later really will happen— not only with the Rage virus, but an ill-timed rager.

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