There's not much to say about last night's monster-of-the-week episode of Supernatural, other than "oh come on." Actually, that's not true — I can also say that Sam's girlfriend flashback was terrible. Spoilers ahead!

It was a Maya sports monster, people. A guy who had lived for a thousand years doing nothing but playing professional sports, remaining young by eating people's hearts twice a year. But then he finally fell in love and decided to end it all because his wife was going to die of old age and he'd already played every sport except curling. So he drove off a bridge, his organs were donated to random people, and they all started getting obsessed with sports like stripping (???) and eating hearts and stuff like that.

Enter Sam and Dean. I know this is going to shock you, because it's such a radical departure for the show, but . . . Sam is thinking of quitting hunting. Yeah. And Dean, well, he's angry about that. And he feels betrayed. Dean's got the two of them back on the hunting circuit while they wait for the prophet Kevin to show up again — but Sam is troubled.

Why is he troubled? Well, because while Dean was in Purgatory, Sam had a girlfriend who made birthday cakes for him (or bought them, whatever). Plus there was a dog. And picnics and shit like that. You know — girlfriend shit. I am probably a bad person for saying this, but Sam's flashback to girlfriend shit (excerpted in the clip above) was atrocious. Seriously, why didn't they just go all the way with that golden filter and have a slo-mo embrace in the field of flowers. Also, she expects him to eat that ENTIRE CAKE? Scary. Way scarier than Brick the Maya sports monster.