If you'd immediately dismissed Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters as another one of the abundant "dark fairy tale" movies currently cluttering the cultural landscape, well, I couldn't blame you, because I did the exact same thing. Which is why I was so pleasantly surprised by this new red-band trailer for the movie, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hansel and Gretel's tongues are planted firmly in their cheeks. It's almost a parody at this point, which is 100% all right with me. Honestly, how could I possibly not want to a movie about Hansel and Gretel fighting witches in the most graphically, hilariously violent ways possible, but which also includes the line "If there's one thing this job has taught me over the years... don't eat the fucking candy"? I'm not made of stone, people.