The new television season is rapidly approaching, and we can't wait! Because we can't live on Breaking Bad alone.But will this fall's returning shows fill our craving for excitement and character development? Here's our complete list of the things we're desperately hoping and praying for from fall television.
The Walking Dead
Where We Left Off: The Governor has been bested, maybe! We don't know — he ran away after killing a bunch of his people. It was weird. Now the people from Woodbury are moving into the prison which is perfect, because...
What We Want: We want to spend actual time in the prison! The best part about post apocalyptic things is watching people rebuild society with what they've got. And what they've got is: a huge, awesome prison. We want to see life in the prison! What color will Carl paint his cell walls: blood red, for all the people he's killed? Let's build a routine, make clothes out of the prison uniforms, learn how to cook rats, and NEVER SPEAK OF GHOST LORI AGAIN.
American Horror Story: Coven
Where We Left Off: Doesn't matter — the whole thing has been rebooted anyway.
What We Want: Inexplicably gorgeous sets. Weird sex stuff. And Jessica Lange. All Jessica Lange, ALL THE TIME. She plays a witch, you guys — a witch. And her co-stars are Angela Bassett and Kathy Bates. Just think of the scenery-chewing possibililies. Please please give us that head down, cigarette-sucking scowl that turns into a manical laugh, that Lange does so well. Also witchy outfits, bring on the bat shit and baffeling capes and crazypants hairstyles. Have you seen Francis Conroy's new look? It's amazing.
Where We Left Off: Pierce Hawthorne and Jeff Winger graduated. Which really kind of throws a strange wrench into life at Greendale. Pierce had to go, since Chevy Chase left the series — but on the plus-side, we will no longer have to see any weirdo doubles doing pratfalls slightly off screen as replacement Hawthornes. Honestly, we don't know how Dan Harmon is going to fix this mess — but if anyone can, it's him.
What We Want: More than anything we would like to see this series shift back into the wonderful ensemble piece it originally blossomed into. The last season was oddly Jeff-centric, and apart from Jim Rash's episode "Basic Human Anatomy" the rest of the Greendale players were kind of forgotten about. Let's return to the core of this series that made it so good: smart writing and great chemistry. Not so much weirdness for weirdness' sakes. Basically, Let Harmon Be Harmon. Also a West Wing episode would be great, too.
Person of Interest
Where We Left Off: The Machine has escaped!
What We Want: It's time to witness the development of the Machine as a personality. Let's delve into the connections between Root and Finch. But specifically we'd like to learn more about Shaw. Shaw is our number one fascination this season. How will she fit into the gang? What is her goal?
Where We Left Off: The power's back on, but it's probably going off again fairly swiftly. The whole East Coast was nuked, which was pretty intense. And the president is in Cuba. We think. So... that happened.
What We Want: Fun! Remember fun, Revolution? Let's bring back fun Miles and the flashy swashbuckling and clever wit from the pilot episode. Give Miles a break from the handwringing — and maybe let him make out with Bass a little bit, because that is clearly something that they really want to do. And spread the fun around to the other characters: Let Google be a bit more upbeat, and use science to save the world, or at least make a good dinner for everyone. It's time to turn this show back to adventure, and away from the nonstop angst.
Once Upon A Time
Where We Left Off: Everyone is in Neverland now. However, hotty-hotpants Neal is stuck in the Enchanted Forrest. Which sucks. The season ended with Captain Hook heading back to Neverland with Emma, Mr. Gold, Snow White, Charming, The Queen and we're sure some other people that we've forgotten.
What We Want: As loathe as we are to add YET ANOTHER magical timeline and world to the already overly complicated collection of fantastical locations to this show, we're legit excited about Peter Pan. He sounds like a total dick, and this series needs a new big bad. Also let's give The Queen and her wildly irrational mood swings a break for a few episodes. It's time for her to show some character growth that isn't just hastily swept under the rug, and also to make out with Emma.
Where We Left Off: Nick is a zombie now.
What We Want: Nick to not be a zombie anymore. Oh, and a lot more of Monroe.
Where We Left Off: So much death and lies! Everyone is dying! The world is in shambles thanks to the Earthquake contraption.
What We Want: We would very much like to see Stephen Amell and Felicity Smoak make tender, graphic love to each other. But to quote Arrow superfan Rob Bricken, "Not in a pornographic way, but just to create a scene of beauty, like a rainbow or a mountain range or something."
Where We Left Off: Heaven is crashing down. Angels are falling from the sky! Seriously, a lot of them. They look like comets. Also Crowley is now the prisoner of the brothers, so that's good for at least 2 episodes of straight-up sass.
What We Want: What do multiple falling angels actually mean? Seriously? Someone explain how this will "change the world as we know it" because changing the world forever kind of happens every season. Not that we're complaining, but we hope that this larger arc will take a backseat to more monsters of the week, meta gags and the return of God. Honestly all we really need are those two boys and their Impala, and we're good.