American Horror Story has a Dead Person Threesome!

Everybody is having sex with dead things on American Horror Story. Because that is what this show does, and it is very good at it. (Making characters have sex with dead things, that is.) Spoilers ahead.

The episode starts off with a FrankenKyle flashback, rocking out to Toto (as you do when you're in college and it's time to start liking bands ironically). Kyle's frat buddies are all getting random tattoos needled into their doughy white, beer-filled bodies. And yet Kyle declines the invitation. Why? Because someday he's going to grow up and fix the world! WOMP WOMP. Sadly now Kyle is fucking fodder for two down-on-their-luck witches just looking to FEEL again. With their vaginas.

The whole set up is planned to terrify the audience later when Kyle looks down as his cobbled-together body and sees the former tattoos from his fallen brothers. Gross. However, I did laugh.

American Horror Story has a Dead Person Threesome!S

But even more than that, this scene made me realize that we do not know this Kyle character at all. And neither do these witch girls. (Props to Zoe for finding the time to make monster flashcards for her undead boyfriend). Sadly Kyle is basically an angry loose cannon — we don't know what he wants, we don't know why the girls really like him (besides those dashing puppy good looks) and you know what? It's a shame, Evan Peters is a good actor, and I would like to see more from him than MAAAAAH FOOD BAD. Maybe we will later? Fingers crossed.

American Horror Story has a Dead Person Threesome!S

Now onto the next resurrected creature on this show: Madison. (If you're counting, that's four resurrected people in this series total). Everyone's least favorite bandage dress wearing cautionary tale in the making is back and hungry for all the FEELS. Her long monologue in the beginning is laced with the bitter nothingness from a generation looking for meaning in the self reflecting screen of an iphone.

"I am a Millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us "the Global Generation." We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see; but it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering. I know I did anything I could to not feel: sex, drugs, booze… Just to take away the pain. Take away my mother and my asshole father, and the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back… Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that… I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again… to hurt… We think that pain is the worst feeling… It isn't. How can anything be worse than this eternal silence inside of me?"

However, like most things American Horror Story, whenever they shoot for a deeper meaning it comes off laughable, at best. Like the youtube viral about the depressed, French Cat Henri:

Whenever this show tries to dabble in big message, the meaning is always lost in the ridiculousness of it all. Imagine Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk painting the word "RACE" in giant, beautiful red letters. Their creation is truly lovely, very provocative and a bit scary. But when you ask them what was the meaning of this gorgeous, dramatic mural they just laugh and point back proudly at their painting and scream "RACE OBVI."

So maybe it's best not to look for meaning amongst the beautiful madness — but dammit, this episode made it really difficult not to scrunch up your brow and utter, "Da faq?" Why would Zoe be cool with Madison shtooping her undead boy toy? Why can Kyle have sex but not eat food? How did Zoe find this old enchanted tongue? Did she need toilet paper and go looking inside the hidden door in the closet?

American Horror Story has a Dead Person Threesome!S

And most importantly, why did Queenie decide to leave and betray her only friend in the house when she already knew that this woman murdered and tortured people? Hell LaLaurie knocked Queenie out in one episode, and did a lot of other terrible shit, we were there with you when you took the tour! It just seemed to contrived and very "you guys go over here, and you guys go over here, NOW FIGHT." Without any actual deeper meaning behind any of it. The battle just feels empty. The actions seem thoughtless. So it was the story of a woman murdering a baby that made you run away, not the fact that you had sex with a Minotaur that later tried to kill you? Or when all the zombies came out of the ground and tried to kill you?

Perhaps I'm lost because I'm not really finding a clear story I want to invest in. Cordelia's search for a baby and a backbone is overshadowed by her husband the witch hunter. Fiona's search for eternal youth has been sidelined by shtooping an jazz man. Marie Laveau's revenge plan has so consumed her that she's slowly losing ground to a terrible monster like Delphine LaLaurie which SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING. Misty's search for her tribe has ended, after she decided she didn't much like this tribe (after they broke Stevie). I guess I'm just kind of looking for a throughline, now that Laveau Vs. Fiona has turned into Everyone Vs. Fiona and Laveau Vs. Everyone. It doesn't have to be pretty, but I really wanted to cheer for someone.

And to top it all off, now that Zoe has to share Kyle with Madison in an undead threesome, I can't even root for the blessed love of Tate and Violet (and YES THEY WILL ALWAYS BE TATE AND VIOLET TO ME).

Perhaps I need to spend some more time with Laveau because all I really know about her is that she has a completely awesome throne made of alligators, dresses hair, and is on the side of right because LaLaurie is an unredeemable monster. Or maybe it's because this show is trying to make me sympathize with LaLaurie (much like it did with school shooter Tate in the first season) and I just don't like that. Lots of questions, not a lot of answers. That being said, I'm never going to stop watching this beautiful madness.

But before I close out this recap, there's one last thing I would like to point out. How wonderful was it to watch Fiona giggle like a tuned on collegiate when the Axeman started really turning on the hard charm? Also how fantastic/gross is it that I'm totally into a story about to murders humping each other while a body lies rotting in the tub? Dammit this show makes me uncomfortable with the way it tricks me into rooting for more time in bed with the monster couple.