Well, of course King Joffrey isn't excited about Game of Thrones season 4. He's an asshole. But for the rest of the planet, last night's trailer was awesome — so awesome that we had to crank up the ol' screencap machine in order to suss out every single detail. Don't worry, it's spoiler free!
We start with a horrible battlefield littered with the dead. Yep, things are back to normal in Westeros!
A knight rides in the desert toward Daenerys and her army (probably a bad move). I assume Daenerys' army is out and about because she's leaving Yunkai for Meereen this season.
Jaime and his new haircut give Joffrey a hard truth.
Melisandre is burning something... or someone. Something tells me the reason the crowd has gathered is because traitors are being executed/sacrificed to R'hilor.
Two armies meet — but which ones? It doesn't look like the north, and the Night's Watch and wildings wouldn't be meeting anyways; and it's certainly not Daenerys' group. Maybe that's Jaime, and the Lannisters are meeting one of their allies? Or a rebelling House that's about to beg forgiveness?
Assuming Daenerys moves to Meeereen this season, I'm guessing this is one of the ex-slavers in Meereen, about to get justice from the slaves Daenerys freed.
Daenery's swank new digs/throne room in Meereen (or Yunkai. But probably Meereen).
Jaime gets a new sword from his father. It's Valyrian steel, and I'll say no more.
Meet Oberyn Martell, one of season 4's main new characters and one of the major new players in Kings' Landing. This has been mentioned in the series before, so it's not a spoiler, but the Martells want revenge for the death of Elia Martell, the wife of Rhaegar Targaryen, who was killed by Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane under orders from Tywin Lannister — this was after Robert Baratheon had won the throne, and all the Targaryens were to be killed. Of course, the Mountain made Elia's death as horrible as possible, and killed her children as well. Elia was Oberyn's sister, so this is even more personal for him.
Ygritte is not happy.
Theon's sister Yara's storyline is all-new, so even book readers have no idea what's in her future.
Jaime gets a new hand to go along with his new sword.
I think this is Rast, the member of the Night's Watch who killed Lord Mormont in the rebellion at Craster's Keep last season. Where did he get a baby? Also, why is he leaving that baby in the snow? Could he possible have stayed at Craster's place, and taken one of more of Craster's daughters, and fulfilling Craster's duty of leaving the male babies out for the White Walkers?
Arya, looking like even more of a badass than usual.
Bran looks like he's about to try skinchanging into one of the white weirwood trees — you know, the ones the Stark used to pray to the Old Gods, the ones with the faces. Hmm...
Joffrey and Margaery's wedding seems to be going a little bit better than Edmure Tully's did last season.
The wildings who crossed the wall with Jon Snow and Tormund Giantsbane attack the Night's Watch.
What the hell is Theon doing up and free? Is this a dream sequence? Does Yara manage to rescue him?
Someone is about to be executed...
...by the Mountain (played by new actor Hafthor Julius Bjornsson). Lord only knows what this poor guy has done, if anything; the Mountain is a monster.
The Night's Watch traveling through the tunnels of the Wall...
...and a giant (note the face) trying to travel through the tunnels of the Wall, most likely from the opposite direction.
Ramsey Snow's "assistant" Myranda appears to be having willing, happy sex with her master. Not sure what that's all about.
Daenerys frees a group of lily-white slaves, probably from Meereen. Well, at least she's not crowd-surfing on them.
DO NOT FUCK WITH JON SNOW.
Tyrion gives the least happy smile I've ever seen.