The original Conan the Barbarian was a phenomenon, spawning a decade's worth of awful imitators in which muscled-up warriors went around killing people in something vaguely resembling the ancient past. And, as our video evidence shows, they were absolutely incredible.

I'll warn you right now: you are about to see more shirtless men, clumsy swordplay, cheesy "comedy", and poorly drawn non-characters than you ever thought possible. But there are also great treasures to be had here: triple-bladed swords, impromptu hang-gliders, decapitated wolf-men, death scenes that are truly breathtaking in their stupidity, and perhaps the single weirdest Raiders of the Lost Ark homage of all time.