How can you do a recap and leave out all the awesome Ben-Locke, Ben-Hugo, Hugo-Locke interactions? For character development (in "current island time") and for humor, those made the episode!

Plus, I like to make nutbastard work overtime...it increases the chances of one of his signature anti-labor-regulation rants.

How can we hate a man who begins his bug reporting with "John Mayer here," and is so consistently full of the self-mock.

I don't even like John Mayer, and I love John Mayer.

*looks it up*

You don't lie!

Cobra Commander is 12 years old? (Actually 27 y.o., but whatever.)

/outrage

It wasn't written by Jason...or Jesus...or Brian...or Adam...or Addy...or Haroon...or Benny.

I guess, "No, I swear, I'm just looking at porn" isn't going to cut it anymore.

@Gann: Yeah, I don't even like the game Monopoly.

@zenpoet: Um. Yes. That would be worse. Totally. I am not intrigued by that scenario at all. *laughs nervously*

@braak: I find cartoon birds to be a better measure for replacement IQ tests.
I, for example, have an IQ of 3 Beaky Buzzards. (Roughly the equivalent of 0.004 Bubo's under the Classical standard or a 485 under the failed Howard The Duck standard.)

Of course, you are right, and I have reread it as: "caaaaash money!!!"

@N@tedog: Ever seen a documentary on mail order brides?

Checked out Verizon FIOS before these ads, and they don't yet serve where I live. DirectTV is a no go in my building. Comcast doesn't serve my area, and I wouldn't give a dime to Cablevision, even if it was for courtside seats at a NY Knicks game.

Aaaarrrggghh!

It is so ill-conceived. Do they really think it makes me think their service is faster than Speed Racer in some theoretical universe where I measure online performance against blockbuster live-action versions of classic childhood cartoon race cars?

No, instead it makes me think that Speed is a total loser who can't even beat a friggin bird in a race. It literally makes me less interested in the movie while having zero impact on my internet service purchasing decisions.

It's not like the Road Runner is even some beloved childhood icon. Probably the least developed character of the lot. Just a snotty little fast piece of prey that never does anything more than eat and run around. Speedy Gonzalez minus the quick wit is just a fast pest.

Aaarrrgh. My irrational hatred of this ad grows and grows!

double-ended light chainsaw swung on the end of the hero's dreadlocks.

(Aside from the fact that it's hard to see how something sounds.)

When we file taxes in NY, we essentially have a duty to disclose online purchases and make up the sales taxes at that time. This may come as a little bit of a surprise, but it turns out it's really hard to enforce the tax after the fact.

Rather than being a new tax, this, arguably, merely moves the time of taxation from April 15 to the moment of transaction.

(Although it's still unclear to me whether making it a sales tax rather than a user tax is Constitutional. I could see it coming out either way.)

@LastAndLeast: There's no need to insult the socialists by putting me in their ranks.

(Isn't that how we're supposed to finish these off?)

I was merely enjoying the irony.

(But I still think Amazon is perfectly within their rights to fight this.)

(And that the most powerful member of the state legislature that passed this bill, if not the most powerful man in New York State currently, is Joseph Bruno, president of the Senate, leader of the majority party in the Senate, and a...*wait for it*...*wait for it*...a Republican!)

@Mandatory_Field: "Don't you just hate it when people just quote lines from the story." LOL

She immediately started using Safari.

I really think she's doing it just to irritate me.

It actually seems like a pretty fair tax (purchased and distributed in state = taxed in state), but I think Amazon would be crazy not to challenge it as far as they can. Then again, I'm a lawyer, so there you go.

As an iDouche myself, the design of this spoof does not excite or entice me. The function is well-executed, but the form is lacking. There's is no boom. It's like a first draft, ready for Steve's initial critiques.

In other words, the iFruit is the LG Vue of iPhone parodies.

Shouldn't Bumblebee pick up on that tell-tale clue, when the kid holds his eye when talking about his parents?

Shouldn't He-Man simply avoid talking about my body at all costs?

Shouldn't Liono stop calling people Ho?

Either way, I just re-watched them and laughed so hard I cried. [www.fenslerfilm.com]

I'm pretty sure GI Joe is a robot, alien, or on some kind of futuristic drug in at least half of them, so they seem fitting for io9.

*In case you don't know what I'm saying, what I'm saying is not that I snore a lot, which would also be true, but more accurately I'm setting up the implication that I am a totally rocking sex partner, by which I mean that I shake things up a lot...or, in other words...well...damn, once you start with innuendos and metaphor it's really hard to get back out...if you know what I'm saying...DAMN IT!

/fixed

I can only assume that folks have seen the old "Stupid Videos" spoofs of the GI JOE PSAs. Especially this one: [www.stupidvideos.com]

*drum roll....slowly opens the curtain to reveal!*
[io9.com]