Could Spider-Man and Wolverine guest-star on Agents of SHIELD?

We've got a lot to get through in this week's "Postal Apocalypse" — zombies, Agent Coulson, more zombies, Game of Thrones, and, of course, more superhero sex. So make sure you send your questions to postman@io9.com, and let's get started!

THE DYING DEAD

Flytrap:

Hey Rob,

A Question about The Walking Dead: Something about the finale bothers me and keeps me from sleeping :

I get that if a Walker bites you, you get infected, die and turn into a Walker - check.

I get that, since everyone is infected, if you die, you turn into a Walker – check.

But if everyone is already infected, how would getting bit matter? You’re already infected so it shouldn’t matter, right?

So, did Andrea die for nothing? Dammit, I LIKED Andrea.

That’s actually a good point. I hadn’t really thought about it, and the show hasn’t really explained it at all, but it’s seems that being bit by a zombie actually kills you, and then the virus already in your system turns you into a walker. I mean, people get bit, they die, they go zombie; people die but don’t get bit, they go zombie. .

I suppose it’s possible there are two forms of the virus — a latent version that’s currently chilling in our blood waiting for us to kick it, and then a more powerful one in the zombies that jumpstarts the effect by also killing you.

S.H.I.E.L.D.’S UP

Brian:

Never believe anything you read on the internet, my grand taught me but browsing the comments on the latest S.H.E.I.L.D. trailer I came across a nugget that got me wondering, and yes I admit it, dreaming if it it could be true. Quoting the wise and mystical-in-all-knowledge Youtube user Eqr36P:

"...Fox/Sony own the film rights to those Marvel characters which MCU don't control. But those rights don't extend to TV. Thus you have currently cartoons where Avengers hang out with Spiderman or whatever, which you can't do on film.

“I'm not saying it will happen, but don't be shocked if Spiderman or Wolverine or Fantastic Four or whoever pop up on A.O.S. and that will be Marvel's loophole to incorporate them into the MCU"

Now that seems just too obvious to me so surely the lawyers were all over that back when they drew up contracts. Could ABC actually reach much further into the Marvel back catalogue than we assumed?

Technically, Marvel (and thus Disney) do have the TV rights to Spider-Man, the X-Men and all the other characters in the Marvel universe. So this is true, but I don’t think we’re in any danger of actually seeing Spider-Man or Wolverine on SHIELD, and here’s why.

Sony and Fox still have all the image rights to their versions of Spider-Man and the X-Men, so not only would Marvel have to recast the roles, but they’d also have to make sure they looked somewhat different. I don’t know that that means they’d have to put Spidey in his black suit or something, but I do know they couldn’t use the movie suit.

Now, a few nods should be fine — a mention of the X-Men on the news, the Oscorp building added to New York City’s skyline — but I think that’s all we’ll get. Putting Spider-Man on TV would be super-expensive, just special effects-wise, and one of the reasons they chose to do Agents of SHIELD as opposed to a specific superhero show is to minimize that cost. Also, using Spider-Man or the X-Men, while legal, would almost certainly piss off Sony and Fox, and since Marvel is patiently waiting to get the movie rights to its characters back, I doubt they want to damage those relationships.

And most importantly, what would they really gain? Marvel clearly isn’t ready to make a Spider-Man or X-Men TV series, and by adding them into Agents of SHIELD and bringing them into the Marvel movie-verse as minor characters, they’d only be limiting their later options for their movies. You cast Peter Parker, have something happen to him, have him meet Coulson — then it’s pretty much is canon for the Movie-verse, and it could be something that contradicts what Marvel would later want to do in their own actual Spider-Man movie, if they ever get a chance.

So I’d look for a few Easter Eggs, maybe a few mentions of these characters, but nothing like an actual appearance.

Could Spider-Man and Wolverine guest-star on Agents of SHIELD?

REALITY BITES

Sean O’C:

Could you defang the zombies and then have them be harmless while we uninfected searched for a cure? If someone got infected could you just take out all their teeth and make them harmless?

No, because the zombies still have arms and fingernails and they could grab you and scratch you, and while that wouldn’t definitely turn you, it still could if they manage to deposit their infected tissue inside you. Even if you don’t subscribe to the scratch theory, chances are the zombies wouldn’t stop trying to bite people just because they had no teeth, so then you have to deal with the living dead grabbing at you and gumming you all the time.

Which is why you have to do the full Michonne, and chop off their arms and bust their jaws, removing all their offensive capabilities. If Walking Dead is correct, this also makes them docile. If so, great, but if not, I personally still wouldn’t take any chances — your body is full of holes and orifices, and even a jawless, armless zombie could get lucky and manage to drool in your mouth while you slept or something.

Could Spider-Man and Wolverine guest-star on Agents of SHIELD?

SEX-MEN

J:

Hey Mr. Postal Apocalypse Guy,

There's been a lot of sex questions lately... might as well continue with that trend. Because of the downturn in the economy and everything, if Professor X had to convert the school to make some extra cash, and it became a super brothel, who's his biggest money maker? Obviously, if he could get Mystique, she'd be the winner. Rogue is pretty bad for repeat customers (or is a condom sufficient protection...?) And also, was Rubber Maid written specifically for this eventuality? And ALSO, Pimpfessor X is a pretty sweet new name.

Pimpfessor XXX’s Home for Sexually Gifted Barely Legal Youngsters, eh? All right then. I have to argue with your choice of Mystique, unfortunately — while her ability to change into anyone would be a hell of a moneymaker, telepath Emma Frost (or Jean Grey, if she happened to be alive at the time) could do all that an more without ever actually having sex with anybody. Emma could make the customers think they weer having the most mind-blowing sex of their entire lives while she was busy reading the newest John Grisham book in the corner.

Assuming this is an equal opportunity whorehouse, I imagine Wolverine would be pretty high up on the list, based on his popularity. While I think plenty of folks would go for the giant Colossus, believing he’s in-scale, I still contend Cyclops has the biggest penis of the X-Men, so if Pimpfessor XXX somehow lists his measurements on a menu or something, I think he’d be a real earner.

Rogue would have to be the worst earner, because she couldn’t. You can’t have any skin-to-skin contact with Rogue or she pretty much kills you, so literally the only action Rogue could provide is via a glory hole where the customers would still have to wear condoms, and I don’t see a lot of guys paying for that when Storm, Psylocke, Kitty Pryde, and everyone else are available.

As for Rubbermaid, while her name is hilarious, her power is actually just being hyper-elastic rubber, which would probably only be a draw for auto-erotic asphyxiation enthusiasts — a specialty, to be sure. Also, she’s depowered and currently dead, so… still a specialty, I guess.

Also, gross.

Could Spider-Man and Wolverine guest-star on Agents of SHIELD?

[WARNING: POTENTIAL SPOILER FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF GAME OF THRONES AHEAD]

Viv A.:

What do you think the reaction will be after the next episode of Game of Thrones?

First of all, let me reiterate that if you don’t know what’s happening in the next GoT, you should probably skip this (I put this at the end, so there’s nothing else to read). Also, let me apologize to Viv for rewriting her question completely to be appropriately vague.

What do I expect after episode 9 of Game of Thrones season 3? Mass hysteria. Insanity, anger, disbelief, people trying to figure out what the trick is, people quitting the show, people in awe that the show could be so bold. Basically all the stuff I felt when I got to that part when I was reading A Storm of Swords. And that’s all I’ll say, lest a non-book reader is accidentally reading this — for now.


Do you have questions about anything scifi, fantasy, superhero, or nerd-related? Email postman@io9.com! No question too difficult, no question too dumb! Obviously!