This week might not include the most well-known of DVD and Blu-ray releases, but it does feature: 1) a girl who falls in love with Matt Smith and then tries to give birth to him, 2) the deadliest baseball player of all time, and 3) Countess Sexcula. What more do you people want?!
This set is the #1 release of the week. No offense to Merlin fans, but when a Merlin set is the week’s best-selling title, you know it’s kind of a slow week.
Criterion puts David Cronenberg’s insane version of William S. Burroughs insanely unfilmable book on an extras-laden Blu-ray. I don’t know if you can really consider Naked Lunch scifi, but it has giant talking bugs and it’s a slow week, so I’m giving it a pass.
Jet Lie sleepwalks (and sleepfights with CG) through another perfectly fine but not at all noteworthy martial arts fantasy flick. The io9 review is here.
Supposedly this long-thought-lost Canadian erotic horror sexploitation flick had one showing before being locked in Canada’s sex vault, or wherever they keep these kinds of things. Anyways, the X-rated adventures of Countless Sexcula, Dr. Fellatingstien, a dude in a gorilla suit and the rest are finally available.
After a girl rekindles her love with her childhood friend Tommy (played by Doctor Who’s Matt Smith), Tommy dies in a horrible car accident. The only solution? For the girl to take Tommy’s DNA, stick it in her uterus, and give birth to a new Tommy. This goes about how you would expect, as long as you expected it to go extra creepy.
Based on a Korean fairy tale, Woochi is about an ancient wizard who is blamed for his master’s death, gets trapped in a scroll, and released in 2009 to fight goblins. The problem is he’s much, much more interested in girls than slaying demons. The film crushed pretty much every single Korean box office record when it was released in 2009, so that's probably a good sign.
This is what happens why SyFy just starts combining random creatures to makes its cheap-o TV monster movies. Still, with any luck the next one will be “Kangaroo Scorpions.”
There’s no way I can make this movie sound more insane that it already is, so here’s the official product description:
Baseball prodigy Jubeh Yakyu (Tak Sakaguchi) is the most feared and dangerous juvenile delinquent in all of Japan. After accidentally causing the death of his father with a super-powered fireball pitch, Jubeh swore off baseball, but his life of crime leaves him in the Pterodactyl Juvenile Reformatory, at the mercy of Headmistress Ishihara, the granddaughter of a World War II Nazi collaborator, and her sadistic assistant, Ilsa. Despite having sworn never to play baseball again, Jubeh is presented with an ultimatum: join the reformatory team, The Gauntlets, in the national tournament, or witness the death of his innocent cellmate. Jubeh is now in a fight for his life against the sexy but deadly “psycho butcher girls” of the St. Black Dahlia High School. These teams are literally playing for blood!
I seriously heard "Thus Spake Zarathustra" in my head when I read that summary.