Could 1983's Hercules be the perfect movie? Consider the evidence: It stars Lou "Incredible Hulk" Ferrigno. He fights robot centaurs, travels to other planets by throwing a big rock tied to a chariot, and grapples with a bear.
Did the clip above not win you over? Here's Herc battling robot centaurs:
Thanks to reader Dan Hope, who sent us this impassioned email arguing for the inclusion of this film in "found footage":
You might be thinking, "But Dan, the story of Hercules is mythlogy, fantasy. How does this fit into the science fiction focus of io9?" I have six words for you: Robot Centaurs with Laser-Shooting Bows. That's right, robot centaurs with frickin' laser bows. In fact, there's a weird sci-fi theme throughout the entire movie which is never really explained, just presented to the audience as if Hera had an army of mytho-mecha creatures at her command to send after Zeus' illegitimate child.
The biggest problem with featuring Hercules in a Found Footage post is deciding what scene to show as evidence of its so-bad-it's-good-ness. First of all, it has Lou Ferrigno playing Hercules. That alone opens up a world of possibilities. But then you have the weird fights with giant mecha-bumblebees and the aforementioned laser-bow robot centaurs. But if I had to recommend one point, it would be where Hercules and "the witch" Circe finally reach their goal, a rhinestone encrusted chariot, only to realize they have forgotten to bring anything that could pull that chariot to the next planet. No, you read that right: the next planet. So Hercules has a genius idea. He has Circe conjure a long length of rope that he ties to the chariot. Then he uses his Hulk-strength to pull a giant stone block from the wall, to which he ties the other end of the rope. He loads Circe in the chariot, swings the giant boulder about his head and flings it out into the night sky. As the rope quickly uncoils, pulled by the piece of wall he just threw like it was an Olympic event, he hops in the chariot and waits for the momentum of the boulder to uncoil the rope completely and yank them into space. Yep, when you're adding robot's to Greek mythology, you don't have to make any pretense at following the laws of physics, or even the laws that govern the limits of WTF-dom. And thus follows several slow shots of Hercules and Circe zooming through the galaxy towed by a big rock.
It's simply too good/bad to be true.
Of course, that suggestion completely ignores all the potential of showing off the costumes, which are by far the most entertaining part. One goddess wears a giant frill or cloth fan or something on the front of her bodice, nearly obscuring her face. The next has a nearly identical fan sewn on the back of her dress as if the costume department made a backup costume for goddess A and had to quickly convert it to a costume for goddess B by putting it on backwards. And then there's the lady who seems to be wearing a simple one-piece swimming suit bought at Walmart (or wherever they shopped in the early 80s), and, in order to make it look fantastical, the only thing the costume department could come up with was sewing a long flowing cascade of blue fabric onto her crotch. Nowhere else on the swimming suit, just a giant crotch-waterfall of fabric. But I digress. I leave the choice of what clip to show in your capable hands.
Also, Hercules fights a bear:
[Thanks to Dan Hope!]