Heroes is getting a fifth, vastly unnecessary “season” via comics

Dynamite Entertainment announced they have snagged the coveted comics license to NBC's one-time-hit TV series Heroes, a show that stopped being good halfway through the season one finale.

The comics will be a direct continuation from season 4, and follow the characters that you loved... unless you saw seasons 2-4, naturally, in which case you probably justifiably hate them.

I watched all four seasons of Heroes, and the downward plunge of my quality of life still hasn't recovered (nor has my liver, for that matter). So as someone familiar with the material, I'd like to give writer Cullen Bunn some advice on what he needs to include to make sure the comic is an authentic Heroes experience:

• Peter Petrelli being confused and not achieving anything despite getting new random powers every couple of issues

• Sylar finding random father figures and then inundating them with his daddy issues

• Villains whose plans are wildly overcomplicated, whose objectives make zero sense, and which fail without any of the "Heroes" taking any positive action anyways

• Make sure Tracy starts the comic as a fourth new character that looks exactly like the other three but with another different power

• At no point should any Hero team up with one another, pass information along to each other, or have an impact on another Hero's'storyline in any way

• Lots and lots of time travel

• You know, if Mohinder could be that sex-crazed The Fly-ripoff who kept his victims in his sexual assault cocoons, a storyline which had no consequences for his character and that no one ever mentioned at all after the middle of season 3, that would be pretty sweet

• A dialogue-free panel of that lady playing her cello and rainbows shooting out it once every four pages for the first 100 issues (minimum)

• And make sure you include somebody's dead mother curing someone inoperable brain tumor by kissing them in a dream, because if it worked for Hiro, it'll work for everybody

[Via The Hollywood Reporter]