<![CDATA[io9: Holy Crap What The Fuck]]> http://cache.io9.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/io9.com.png <![CDATA[io9: Holy Crap What The Fuck]]> http://io9.com/tag/holy crap what the fuck http://io9.com/tag/holy crap what the fuck <![CDATA[God strikes down Montana]]> What looks like the apocalypse, or a rough image from Skyline, is actually a supercell thunderstorm. Centrally rotating updrafts whip clouds around them and pour rain down below. That smudge to the right? That's a tree. Via Nasa. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5701989&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[This holiday, give your friends something that will haunt their dreams]]> Angela Rossi combines sculpture and taxidermy to make something that looks like the mutant toys in Sid's house in Toy Story. Up above is Timmy the Gazelle. Check out her site for more marketable horror. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5702520&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Security company claims to catch criminals by spraying them with human DNA]]> In the Netherlands, store owners are trying a weird new tactic to stop thieves. As criminals leave the scene, they're sprayed with an invisible mist full of human DNA. How, exactly, does this prevent crime? More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5668021&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Today's moment of pure explosive awesomeness]]> What I like about this montage of clips from Supervolcano - a BBC show about the Yellowstone megavolcano exploding - is that there is no messing around. We get all the crucial pillars of fire and no distracting plot. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5579590&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Riverworld Explains The Afterlife's English-Only Policy]]> Last night Syfy dumped its entire 4-hour miniseries of Riverworld in one giant blob of cheesy WTF. I'm guessing this show will never make it to series, but at least it answered some of our burning questions about the afterlife. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5520436&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Scientists Report On Nasal Leech Infestation]]> Over at the NCBI ROFL blog, we've learned about a crucial medical research paper recently published in a scientific journal: A study of seven leeches removed from six people's nostrils. Do the math. Yuck. One leech was 12 cm long! More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5479853&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Real-Life Fan-Fic Alert: Darth Vader & Daft Punk Team Up To Hawk Adidas]]> In a move seemingly out of the most boring fan fiction ever, Darth Vader and French Daft Punk have teamed up, not to conquer the universe...but to sell footwear. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5449498&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[True Life (Day) Story: I Held Chewbacca’s Christmas Party]]> In 1978, the wretched Star Wars Holiday Special introduced us to the Wookiee celebration of Life Day. 31 years later, I recreated the magic, armed with $100 worth of hooch and a willingness to expose my friends to psychological torture. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5433431&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Inexplicable Adventures Of "Zombie vs. Ninja"]]> So schlockmeister Godfrey Ho got these white guys together, tied scarves on their heads that say "ninja," and made them exchange scintillating dialog after fighting with swords. And it only gets better in Zombie vs. Ninja. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5429240&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[An Industrial Lady Machine Menaces Our Heroine! [NSFW]]]> If you've never seen The Perils of Gwendoline In The Land Of The Yik Yak, then allow me to enlighten you about this glorious moment in the history of exploitation cinema. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5413161&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[American LARPers Are Useless!]]> This wins the prize for Best Rant Ever. A German live action role player (LARPer) named Kalle yells at Americans for being poseurs when they LARP. It devolves into Kalle beating the photographer with a stick. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5382093&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Gay Transformers From An Alternate Dimension [NSFW]]]> Imagine an alternate world where porn stars are actually Transformers who fight lesbian rabbits in steamrollers, all while zooming down a road at a zillion kph. Now you don't have to imagine it - just watch this bizarro Japanese machinima. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5363345&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Economists Suggest Mind-Reading As a Way to Determine Public Good]]> A bizarre experiment carried out at CalTech has led economists to an even more bizarre assertion. Governments allocating spending for public goods like education should use "neurotechnology" - mind-reading via fMRI brain scans - to determine who should be taxed. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5356920&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA["Gamer" Is a Sex and Violence Epic With Balls]]> The awesomeness of exploitation flick Gamer is going to surprise you. Packed with insane violence, decadent sex, and (yes!) musical numbers, the movie is a blood-dark satire of futuristic videogame culture that will push all your buttons. Spoilers ahead! More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5353111&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Let's Not Do The Time Warp Again: Rocky Horror Remake On Hold]]> It took Frank N. Furter just seven days to make you a man, but remaking him will take longer. That MTV remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show is "on hold," inside sources tell io9. It "may take a while." More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5349960&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Weirdest Giant Worm Monster You Have Ever Seen]]> Imagine some kind of unholy combination of the worm scene in Galaxy of Terror, the Cremaster movies, Pink Floyd, the feminist art of Cindy Sherman, and that bean orgy in Tommy. Then you're ready for this snippet of The Worm. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5316658&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Mickey Rourke Is The Master of Satanic Sex [NSFW]]]> Getting excited for Mickey Rourke's bondage outfit in Iron Man 2? Let us entertain you while you wait for its unveiling by taking a little trip back to an out-of-control movie called Angel Heart. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5303198&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Zombie Mermaids Are The New Cyborg Unicorns]]> The brilliant Japanese wrestling movie Oh! My Zombie Mermaid is finally coming to the West in July, raising all kinds of intriguing questions that aren't answered in the most bizarre way possible in the trailer. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5271689&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Amazons Rescue Pervirella from the Giant Masturbation Monster! [NSFW]]]> Imagine if you crossed Barbarella with Benny Hill and slapped them down in a steampunk universe. You'd get weirdo British flick Pervirella, an epic about a damsel who can sex you so hard you explode. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5196588&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[A Fish With a Transparent Head]]> Model for future space-going animals with built-in helmets? This is a fish whose eyeballs sit in the middle of its transparent head, getting a wraparound view of the universe. via Monterey Bay Aquarium More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5159789&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Really? Watchmen Condoms?]]> Please tell me this isn't real. Plus, isn't Dr. Manhattan's sperm like atomic or something? Can latex really withstand that? More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5155508&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Futuristic Ninja Fashion Will Confound You]]> Fashion week is sweeping Europe, and the main benefit to you is a chance to see how ninjas of the future have become part of today's haute couture. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5146878&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Chart Reveals Future of the Air Force Lies in the Blogosphere]]> As part of a new campaign to interact with bloggers, the Air Force has issued this complicated flow-chart to teach officers how to comment on blog posts. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5125002&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Executive Koala Has Some Personal Problems [NSFW]]]> Executive Koala is the simple tale of a koala executive at a Japanese pickle company - who goes completely insane and tries to murder hot office ladies! More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5111031&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[What is the Jejune Institute and Why Are They Recording Your Thoughts?]]> I've been seeing a lot of fliers around San Francisco advertising something called the "Aquatic Thought Foundation," which promises to give you dolphin therapy by hooking your brain up to a dolphin. Really, the fliers weren't all that much kookier than the usual Marin County yoga levitation psionics stuff you see. But finally I decided to check out the dolphin therapy website because, well, it was just SO weird. And it turned out to be one of the coolest and most mysterious ARGs I've come across in quite some time. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5105128&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Did We Really Need a Robo-Serial Killer? [NSFW]]]> The arthouse gore hounds behind Machined have answered a question you never knew you had: How about a robo-serial killer made from scrap metal in a machine shop? I think the answer is still a tentative "no" even after seeing this mini-epic about a creepy, hairy, shirtless dude who turns a guy he hit with a car into a half-machine serial killer. Now he keeps his robo-pal in the basement and feeds him naked co-eds while watching on CCTV. Really, the entire movie is like this. There is no punch line. [Machined via IMDB] More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5100614&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Best Unsung Filk Ever, in Honor of Star Wars Holiday Special]]> Today is the 30th anniversary of the ill-fated TV experience known as the Star Wars Holiday Special. Featuring a group of Wookiees trying to celebrate the holidays while being hassled by Imperial troops - along with song-and-dance numbers and comedy bits in a variety show format - the two-hour special was deemed so hideous that it was never aired again. Luckily you can celebrate this day of infamy with a little help from Shawn Moynihan, managing editor of Editor & Publisher, who has sent us a little song . . .
More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5091554&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Ultimate Treasure Trove of Human-Alien Love]]> If you can't get enough of the scene in Galaxy of Terror where that lady does something nasty with a giant worm, then we've got a serious treat for you. There's an entire fan community out there devoted to recreating the wonders of wormly ravishment, and they've stashed a bunch of their creations at a site featuring GOT girls — you know, Galaxy of Terror girls. I feel like I've been completely remiss in my perversion-hunting because I'd never heard of GOT girls until a few days ago. This community has been around for so long that some of these delightful nasties are done in really old-school flash animation. But others are just timelessly great fan art created with Photoshop, pencils, and even a few real-life people in costume. Oh GOT girl, now that I know you, how can I ever let you go? Got Fan Art Site Vault [official site archive] Ali Larter Mashup Image Created by Clusteron. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5086144&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[An Aviation Show That Will Warp Your Brain]]> This crazy shot of aeronautics insanity with multi-colored exhaust smoke was just one of the many weird sights last week in Guangdong Province, China, during the 7th China International Aviation and Aerospace Exhibition. Check out the planes up close, and see what the experience did to one extreme fan. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5083664&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Best Worm Sex Death Scene in the Galaxy [NSFW]]]> This scene from 1981 Z-movie Galaxy of Terror will destroy your moral center and make you see giant worms in a whole new light. You've got your classic scifi horror plot where a ship crash-lands on a planet answering a distress call . . . and discovers an alien thingamabob that manifests their greatest fears! One of the crew, whose main characteristic is hotness, is really really scared of maggots. And so of course, she meets a giant maggot. Who eats her . . . in a number of ways. Don't say I didn't warn you about this one, kids. Aside from being one of the perviest, cheesiest flicks I've ever seen, Galaxy of Terror is packed with groovy B-list actors like Erin Moran (Joanie from Happy Days), a peppy, cute pre-Nightmare on Elm Street Robert Englund, bad guy Ray Walston (Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High), and a seriously tough captain played by Grace Zabriskie (the crazy mom from Big Love). And it even has a great, pseudo-philosophical ending with Xanadu-style effects. [Galaxy of Terror via IMDB] More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5082469&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Alan Tudyk Eaten By a Giant Anime Lobster]]> Those of you unfamiliar with the freakish mania of cult web series Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show may find what I am about to tell you very disturbing. Alan Tudyk, who played Wash on Firefly and has shown up in several CSI episodes, has been poisoned by bubbles and attacked by a giant lobster. We've got the video to prove it. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5077626&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Statstical Likelihood That John Hodgman Will Ever Send Me a Naked Picture of Himself]]> Some questions are so speculative that they cannot even be asked in science fiction. They can only be asked of experts like John Hodgman, author and comedian. Luckily, BoingBoing's Xeni Jardin recently asked if I had any such questions to ask of Hodgman. And, well, like all healthy nerds with a taste for the boys, my question was this: "What is the statistical likelihood that John Hodgman will ever do nude self-portraits (please include a related analytical chart)?" At last Hodgman has answered, with both a chart (pictured) and on BBTV, below. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5066802&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Is the Earth Quarantined???]]> Click to view Why haven't we met aliens yet? And why aren't we sending rockets all over the solar system? There is only one plausible explanation. Earth is being quarantined! A combination of higher alien civilizations and our own Earth-based military forces are working together to keep the Earth contained and neutralized. The reasons why they would do this are obvious, but where is the evidence? Below, we've got enough truly true facts to get your conspiracy engines revved up to maximum. 1. We have been located in a backwater part of the galactic rim. To keep Earth inhabitants away from the rest of the universe community, our planet was stuck way out in the boondocks at the rim of a second-rate galaxy. Obviously only a higher alien intelligence could have done this, to prevent humans from leaking out everywhere and finding all the cool shit in the universe. 2. Space debris is a shield to keep us from hearing alien broadcasts. You've heard that there are thousands of pieces of space junk orbiting Earth, posing a danger to orbiting spacecraft and creating a haze of garbage around the planet. Recently the Chinese government created infinitely more space trash by shooting one of its satellites, scattering its shattered body into orbit. What could be the possible reason for leaving all this junk in orbit, instead of cleaning it up? Obviously, our governments are using the junk as a deflection shield to prevent alien messages and craft from getting through. And this suits the aliens just fine, since they're quarantining us anyway. 3. Space-based weapons prevent aliens from wanting to bond with us. According to Alfred Webre, a Canadian futurist and author of the recent book Exopolitics:
Star Wars and the militarization of space is part of the information war against the integration with Universe society. Star Wars is an "inside code word" for this war among the military planners. The issue is whether our space technology will be in accord with Universal principles, or controlled by a military empire. The USA will ultimately suffer ignominious defeat by Universe society should it persist as a space military power.
Well, that pretty much covers it. 4. JPL scientists who are in on the quarantine efforts helped perpetuate the myths that were reported in Wired about how we could "never achieve interstellar travel." Why don't they want us to believe in interstellar travel? Why? These are space scientists, dammit — doesn't it strike you as odd that they are saying we shouldn't go to space? 5. NASA's launch of a suborbital rocket fails. Today NASA launched a suborbital rocket, but had to shoot it out of the sky due to alleged "launch failure." Really? Could this actually be an effort to discourage suborbital rockets, which might break through the space debris and catch sight of the Universe society? As one blogger points out, NASA already knows about aliens. Thus, they're the perfect organization to make it seem as if there were "problems" on a rocket that was about to run into alien vessels. 6. Large Hadron Collider. Seriously — need we say more? Any alien civilization worth its salt would know that when we start beaming subatomic particles through that giant, Swiss magnetic loop that the Terrible Events are about to begin. Stay the hell away from Earth when that happens. 7. Project Bluebook closed. In the 1950s and 60s, the Air Force created Project Bluebook, an investigative project to figure out what all those UFOs were. Despite the fact that people continue to see UFOs every day, the project was shut down in 1969. Why? Was that the year that the government learned about the Quarantine and decided to pull the wool over our eyes? 8. Twelve missions to Mars failed en route to the planet. Sure we have some satellites orbiting Mars now, and three robots on the surface doing measurements. But they're only in the quarantined areas. Whenever a satellite or spacecraft has tried to go near certain off-limits parts of the planet, they've mysteriously disappeared. Traces of them are never found again, even by the satellites that are supposedly photographing the planet in such minute detail that they can see this hunk of ice. 9. Global warming makes planet more comfortable for everybody. Little-discussed fact about global warming: It will make all the least-inhabitable regions of the planet into a tropical paradise. Climate change is basically a massive, multinational conspiracy to get everyone so comfy on Earth that they never want to go to ultra-cold Mars or the even colder reaches of deep space. It's good when people believe they actually CHOSE to be quarantined, isn't it? 10. Fly Me to the Moon This movie about flies stowing away on a moon rocket was actually a government-sponsored plot to make traveling offworld seem so awful that nobody would ever want to do it again. In the face of such compelling evidence, you cannot deny the TRUTH. Somebody — or something — doesn't want us to leave the planet. We're being . . . quarantined!!! More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5040784&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[First Double-Arm Transplant Is a Success]]> A 54-year-old German farmer who lost his arms in an accident six years ago has just received two new arms in the first double-arm transplant operation ever performed (pictured is one of his new arms). A team of German doctors spent 15 hours grafting two arms from a recently-deceased teen donor onto the man's shoulders. They connected all his tissues, including the extremely-difficult blood vessels. What remains now is for the man's nerves to grow until they form connections with the nerves in his new arms. That will allow him to take complete control of his transplanted limbs. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5032531&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Two Men and a Dalek Mask Arrested in Weird Ex-Girlfriend Kidnapping Plot]]> Poor James Wakefield just wanted to reawaken his ex-girlfriend's affections after she dumped him last December. And he figured the best way to do it would be to pay his friend James Rawson £20,000 to don a Dalek mask with voice-changer, kidnap his ex, and take her out to the woods. After the Dalek-masked Rawson had terrified her, Wakefield planned to show up and impress his ex with a miraculous "rescue." Surely being saved from a Dalek would make any right-thinking woman fall madly in love with this spurned bloke again, right? Luckily, Wakefield never got to find out: He and Rawson were arrested last week for conspiracy to kidnap. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5030322&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[MTV Does Rocky Horror? No. No!]]> With the civilized world's eyes turned to Comic-Con, there was nobody alert enough to protest the news about scifi sex extravaganza Rocky Horror Picture Show yesterday. Yes, it's being remade. I know that already sounds hurty, but it gets worse: MTV is remaking it. The very same MTV that brings you movies like Aeon Flux. This remake, which will possibly open as early as Halloween next year, will be based on the original script but include new songs. But the fact is that Rocky Horror Picture Show doesn't need to be remade — it's already its own remake. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5029026&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[The Lady in the Latex Hood Does Not Fear Lasers]]> There is very little to love about the Swedish Matrix/Heroes ripoff movie Storm, but this scene almost makes everything worth it. This is near the beginning of the movie, when our hero Donny's superficial clubster life is invaded by a hot ninja babe in latex. Somehow, she's connected to a comic book he read as a kid. Unfortunately, after this awesome scene, the movie dribbles out into a boring Prince of Tides "getting over teen molestation" scenario. Except in Storm, unlike Tides, our hero is the teen rapist. Um, yeah. Focus on the latex lady. Pay no attention to the boring yet morally-reprehensible therapy plot. [Storm via IMDB] More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5021319&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[When Therapy Goes Bad]]> Years after seeing David Cronenberg's psychotic movie The Brood, I could not get this scene out of my head. Nola has been undergoing experimental "psychoplasmics" therapy with Dr. Raglan (Oliver Reed!), trying to deal with rage over her divorce from doughboy Frank. Using psychoplasmics, she winds up literally giving birth to her rage in the form humanoid creatures who kill people she doesn't like. In this scene, Frank has come to help their real daughter escape from mommy and her scary, fucked up rage babies. I love Samantha Eggar as Nola: She isn't just a horror show chomping on baby goo; she really gives you the sense that she's a messed up lady locked into a surreal custody battle with the bumbling but well-meaning Frank. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5017428&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Striptease for a Pure Crystallized Intelligence from Earth's Core [NSFW]]]> We've told you before that lady scientists are dangerous, and here's another reason why, from 1972 flick Fear Chamber. This mad lady scientist and her mouth-breathing Igor substitute must — for the sake of some ill-defined experiments — feed a "pure crystallized intelligence" (i.e., a smart rock) drawn from the center of the Earth. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) it only eats women in a state of terror. That's why they hire this hot lady to strip for the steaming, burbling, apparently-made-of-styrofoam creature, as you can see in this clip. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5016422&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[What Chicks Don't Like About Science Fiction]]> I love when clueless humans tell me to my face that women don't like science fiction. Usually they tell me this at a science fiction convention, after we have talked about scifi for an hour and I have said that I edit a science fiction blog. These humans have an amazing ability to not believe their eyes, which is the only way I can explain what's happening when somebody says to my face that women like me don't exist. And unfortunately, the SciFi Channel seems to have the same problem: There's an article in the New York Times today about how the channel boosted its ratings among women by de-emphasizing spaceships in Battlestar Galactica ads and airing supernatural horror movies. I cannot believe the stupidity here. More »
]]> http://io9.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=391860&view=rss&microfeed=true