On True Blood, south-of-the-Mason-Dixon-line vampires are immortal hardbodies who have the power to spontaneously create Renaissance Faire music whenever they make love to diner waitresses.

Last Thursday, Florida showed us otherwise. In reality, "vampires" bite wheelchair-bound drifters outside of abandoned Hooters restaurants. Also, The X-Files theme is the unofficial soundtrack for Floridian Nosferatus everywhere. Who knew?

[Via MyFox Tampa Bay]