I feel reasonably confident in predicting that the 300 sequel is going to be a disaster, both on-screen and in the box office. But goddamn if hearing Ozzy sing "War Pigs" in the background of all that ab-rippling, slo-mo brutality doesn't add a certain je ne c'est pas to the whole thing — something that makes me want to actually see the movie for the first time since it was announced.

I won't, of course; I doubt the producers would be so bold as to actually use Black Sabbath for the movie's score (there's nothing about this sequel that isn't a craven, mercenary attempt to recreate the box office of the original), but I'd be thrilled to be wrong. This movie needs Black Sabbath — it needs to up its ridiculousness in order to achieve the same level of boldness as its predecessor. Adding more of the same-old slo-mo fight scenes, weird enemies, and golden Rodrigo Santoros isn't doing anyone any good. Seriously, just put Paranoid on repeat while the movie plays and I'm 99% sure we'll all have a better viewing experience.