Internet-connected sex toys let you "access" your long-distance partner

Sex in long-distance relationships often relies on prowess with one's own hand and a good imagination, but soon lovers separated by miles and oceans could get a little technological help. LovePalz is yet another "world's first Internet-enabled sex toy," aiming to let partners please each other even when they're apart.

LovePalz was involved in a little Internet kerfuffle last year when it was kicked off Kickstarter and then launched its own pre-order site. Now the company says they'll be shipping LovePalz Zeus for male (the site's a bit heteronormative, but it's for a person placing their digits into an orifice) and Hera for female (which is to say, a person whose orifice is involved) on March 29, 2013. The devices will connect to the Internet, and inform each of the other's speed and pressure:

The speed sensor in Zeus will detect the speed of male action and send to the Hera, the female toy. Hera will reflect and match Zeus's speed automatically. Hera on her part, will sense the pressure inside the toy based on the female's reaction and then send that information to Zeus. Zeus's air pump will configure its tightness automatically based on the received signal.

This sounds like old-school teledildonics, but it opens up some interesting questions. Can and will these readings be recorded? Will you someday be able to play back the greatest long-distance sex you've had with someone, even after you're no longer with them? Can you reconfigure the LovePalz system in order to have long-distance sex with multiple partners using a single device? And will it make for an incredible masturbatory aid, one that truly lets you have sex with yourself?

[LovePalz via Laughing Squid]