Lost Girl's scorched Earth season finale was terrible, but promising

Lost Girl's season has finally ended. What do you do when your plot makes no sense and you can't figure out how to fix it? Just kill your way out of it.

All season long, people who've already watched this season on their earlier Canadian air dates have been posting comments about how horrible the season finale was, how the worst yet to come, and so on. So I had pretty low expectations. And this was honestly a terrible episode that I will mock soundly momentarily.

But this episode also did something smart. It swept away most of the crap that had accumulated over the last two seasons (though sadly not all of it), and left off with a fairly interesting, clear setup for season five. So I'm actually hopeful that things will improve.

But yeah, let's get on with all the awful things in this episode. Massimo is up first. Everything about this storyline became annoying, from his ridiculous mommy issues to the coarse, unwatchable overacting. It made stuff that used to earn a chuckle, like throwing out "Magic muff" and "Wondersnatch," grating. Long story short, the whole thing with the Unamens seed being a big deal fizzled because it was too powerful for Massimo's human brain to handle. Lauren stole the twig, there was a bunch of succubus chi transference, ending up with Evony dying but being brought back to life by Bo. Does this mean Evony is fae again? She was off-stage for the rest of the episode, so who knows? But Bo murdered Massimo, I'm pretty sure for real this time. Yes!

Lost Girl's scorched Earth season finale was terrible, but promising

Prior to this there was a fun little scene with Evony and Trick. Drunk human Evony looking like a 1940s movie star. It didn't really have a point, but it was cool. "Bitch is just a word men use when they're threatened by the chick in charge."

Oh, I forgot that at some point Massimo killed Rainer. So that's that. Huge build up. Endless plots. Marries Bo. Dies like a chump. You won't be missed, Rainer.

Lost Girl's scorched Earth season finale was terrible, but promising

To get psyched up for the coming battle, Bo needs some tough love from Tamsin. Bo sucks chi from her, then remarks, "You taste different. Happy." And then Tamsin says, "There'll be time to mourn later." That makes no sense to me. Then Dyson comes in and pledges fealty to Bo, which felt weirdly like a marriage proposal. In the other room, Kenzi and Tamsin page through a book written in Norwegian. Kenzi picks a random paragraph and asks Tamsin to translate, and it's the one part of the book that's totally relevant to their situation. "Daughter. Heart."

Actually that isn't relevant to anything because it's just two words, but Kenzi decides it means she has to sacrifice herself to close the portal. Because she's Bo's heart. This is a somewhat astonishing leap of logic.

Bo and Dyson head off to the magic portal, and three revenants come out. And by revenants, I mean, "Dudes randomly dressed in military uniforms." Not even a token effort at zombie makeup. Poor form. Bo succubuses them but it turns her kind of evil until a kiss from Dyson makes her…less horny? There's a fight scene that happens off camera. They go into another room and Kenzi shows up to give Bo a wakizashi.

By the way, Kenzi's back. That whole big dramatic "I'm leaving" scene from last week was dealt with in a rather perfunctory manner. "Oh cool, you're back." Of course they had to bring her back because…well, we'll get to that.

Everything culminates in an epic battle against a horde of revenants. I think maybe the writers were writing checks the producers couldn't cash here. This was the most laughable, terrible fight scene. Again, no makeup on the revenants, just a bunch of extras stumbling around. I can't say the fight choreography was bad because there was none. This was the most casual zombie fight in history. At one point it genuinely looked like a middle school dance when "End of the Road" by Boyz II Men comes on. People could stop and have entire conversations in the middle of the fight. Trick appears out of nowhere. They even threw in a Wilhelm scream. Dyson gets excited about seeing a Valkyrie in battle for the first time. Apparently Valkyries fight like they're doing yardwork. All giant awkward overhand swings.

In the middle of all this, Kenzi walks in and does a slow march toward the portal. It's very urgent because the Pterapice or whatever is coming. I know we've figured out what they're actually referring to here, but if Lost Girl doesn't care enough to even pronounce it right I'm not going to worry all that much if I've spelled it right. Bo arrives and tries to stop Kenzi, but Dyson holds him back. Destiny, or the prophecy, or something. The major plot point here seemed to be, "Who does Bo love the mostest?"* Obviously the horse demon is never going to show up, that's way beyond the show's budget.

*[In my notes, a typo rendered that plot point, "Who does Bo love the moistest?" which is probably more accurate in any case.]

Kenzi gets silhouetted in the portal and there's a big flash of light, the portal closes, and Kenzi's dead. Big shock! Ok, not at all. They're obviously not killing Kenzi off. How many times did they mention Valhalla? How many times did Bo vow to do anything to get Kenzi back? This is cool, because it's a great, simple setup for next season. Bo is pissed, all the politics are swept aside, and she has one simple, clear mission. Yeah, there's some detritus – is the whole Wandered/Bo's dad thing really resolved? But overall, the worst parts of this season have been effectively firebombed.

There were a few other cool moments as the season wound down. We got to see Tamsin in full Valkyrie mode again, and about damn time. I loved the image of her kneeling over Kenzi's body, shrouding her with her wings. If I can play armchair director for a second, how awesome would that scene have been with a Pietà homage?

We later see Tamsin at the gates of Valhalla. Dyson shows up to bring her home, and I mean literally he just shows up at Valhalla. The cosmology of Lost Girl has a very robust transit system.

Despite how cynical I've been feeling about this show, and how clear it is that Kenzi isn't really gone, that scene with Bo and Kenzi's grave tugged at the ol' heartstrings a little bit. Just a little. And I'm a jaded old bastard, so that's saying something.

Here's to you, Lost Girl, and an oncoming fifth season I never imagined was possible.