Michael Bay is producing a remake of The Birds

This is why we can't have nice things.

The Hollywood Reporter announced that Michael Bay's production company Platinum Dunes and Mandalay Pictures are joint-producing a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds for Universal. Dutch filmmaker Diederik Van Rooijen (Daylight, and the found footage film Taped) has been selected to direct the remake.

Michael Bay, Andrew Form and Brad Fuller are producing for Platinum Dunes. And Peter Guber and David Zelon are producing for Mandalay Pictures. THR also states that Naomi Watts has long been whispered about for the Tippi Hedren role.

It's not so much the Bay attachment that bothers us — this movie just doesn't need to be remade. Just watch the original movie. We already have Birdemic. What more could you possibly want, Hollywood? Do you really want a super edgy found footage film with even MORE eyes being pecked out? Younger, sexier main characters? Sexier birds? THIS:

Bird enters. Bird Explodes.

Bird 2 enters. Bird 2 pecks at the torso of a gorgeous brunette. Rips her shirt into a crop top, exposing her perfectly toned abs. Bird 2 explodes.

Can't wait for the obligatory ANGRY BIRDS joke. Maybe we'll be wrong, maybe we'll eat CROW and this will be the best remake ever to grace the big screen, but right we're not betting on it.

Top image from Funny Pics.