If The Rumors Are True, Star Wars: Episode VII Is Weirder Than Expected

Badass Digest claims to have details about the plot of Episode VII, and, if true, it's going to have a ridiculous MacGuffin. So, spoilers if you chose to read on.

Let's preface this with the standard disclaimer: This could all be fake, so take everything with an entire box of Morton's kosher salt.

According to the article, the thing that sets the whole plot in motion is: Luke Skywalker's hand and lightsaber from The Empire Strikes Back. The hand's apparently been chilling in space for a few decades and now is falling to a desert planet.

There, the new heroes of the trilogy find it: Daisy Ridley and John Boyega. The two decide to return it — it's unclear if "it" is just the lightsaber or the hand and the lightsaber — to the proper people. They run into Han and Chewie, who recognize it as Luke's, but they haven't seen him since Return of the Jedi. Which, seriously? They haven't seen Luke in 30 years?

I really hope they ditch the hand and just keep the lightsaber, otherwise this is A) going to be unintentionally hilarious and B) be very reminiscent of Doctor Who. So the whole quest of the film is a search for Luke.

Other details include an ice planet where evil people are building a weapon that can destroy whole solar systems. (Of all the things that survived the great EU purge, I was not expecting the Suncrusher to be one of them).

Badass Digest says the whole structure of Episode VII is intentionally designed to mimic that of A New Hope:

In many ways this plot of Episode VII is an echo of A New Hope. Instead of R2 coming to Tatooine it's a hand falling from the sky, but the basic sweep of the story is similar, and intentionally so. But things that seem familiar may not be as familiar as you think - don't assume that every ice or desert planet in the galaxy has already been visited, if you know what I'm saying.

The initial report was followed up by a second, clarifying article which stated that the sources of the first report have been reliable in the past. It also contained the detail that Boyega's character is a Stormtrooper who switches sides, which Badass Digest's Devin Faraci says is "the single most confirmed piece of news I've ever written about in terms of sheer volume of independent sources who agree." He also says that all the desert filming that people have assumed is Tatooine is actually a different planet.

[Badass Digest, Badass Digest via Making Star Wars]