By all accounts Nickelodeon's new CG Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon is thoroughly all right — a nice mix of action, comedy, and TMNT lore. So I won't give it guff for a preview that focuses primarily on asses and ass-accessories, because it's just a preview. The new Casey Jones, however, is a different story.

That's Casey Jones on his bicycle in the video above, looking much more like a Little Rascal than the hockey-masked vigilante of — well, any of his other incarnations, frankly. If Casey Jones doesn't wear a mask, doesn't beat bad guys up with sporting goods, or isn't even old enough to drive, can he even be said to be Casey Jones? Come on, TMNT cartoon. You know Turtle fans are going to be devastated by the Michael Bay-produced movie. It's your responsibility to keep them from going insane during these dark times. And I'm skeptical about your ability to do that if Casey Jones is going to need to do homework.