No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

It had to happen eventually. Every show has its worst episode. This was Lost Girl's new low. A pointless, boring slog capped by…well, you'll see. Spoilers ahead!

Lost Girl is often bad, but a fun, campy sort of bad. This was just abject failure on every level. When they meant to be exciting, it was boring. When they meant to be clever, it was insipid. The romantic moments felt creepy and awkward. And the death scene felt manipulative and pointless.

Things actually started out with a couple of solid lines, like Kenzi's Zombies Sing the Blues movie, the fact that they used to call Dyson "Mopey Dick," and her fervent, "You had me at a-hole" affirmation of her friendship with Bo.

But everything gets annoying really fast because it's all about Bo ditching her friends for her new boyfriend, which is the most mundane, terrible, boring story idea I can imagine. Then a zombie (sorry, revenant) attacks Bo, and valkyrie Acacia (nice to have Linda Hamilton back) turns up to kill it. Man, there are lot of Sarah Connors running around on TV these days.

No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

I'm going to mostly ignore this whole storyline because it was awful. I sort of zoned out for some of it and I feel like I'm a better person for it. I do want to point out that when they leave to investigate, Bo tells Acacia and Tamsin, "Get your coats," but THEY WERE BOTH ALREADY WEARING THEIR COATS.

There was a scummy guy who looked like Tom Savini, spouting super gross lines like, "Punch her in the tits!" There was drinking blood to control (or identify) revenants, which was also super gross. Drinking blood is one thing. Drinking blood from a gross old zombie head almost make me puke just watching it. Then there was a terrible voodoo priestess caricature and general wheel spinning. How about the acting job by that crazy guy? "Dead and alive! Dead and alive!"

The zombie kill effects were the saving grace here. The decapitations were well done with CGI, even though the zombies themselves were pretty old-school "white make-up" types. Dyson's angry wolf face always looks really cool too.

No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

The upshot of all this is that Acacia and Tamsin are set on investigating Rainer – Acacia even dropped a stray tarot card to make it look more like this was his doing. But when Rainer's face appears in a book at Bo's place (because Trick writing him out of history is being undone), Tamsin didn't recognize him. Even though she's worked for him before. So maybe Rainer isn't the Wanderer? Almost forgot that Acacia is herself is part revenant, so there's a whole, "Evil Dead routine," as Bo puts it.

There was a small side plot that was probably the best part of the episode, Vex hanging out with Trick and learning about his dad, a Mesmer who was a great general in Trick's army back in the day. They talk a bit about the looming evil (because Lost Girl always has a looming evil) called the…um…perepice, I think? A horse with bat wings. "You're more likely to meet Godzilla," Vex says. I'm having a hard time finding a folkloric background for this one. If it's French, père means father, but pice means nothing at all.

No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

And then there was the Kenzi/Hale stuff. Kenzi's cousin and mom show up, turns out Hale invited them. Hi there, heavy-handed foreshadowing, maybe Hale is going to propose? There's all this seemingly emotional stuff with Kenzi's mom and her stepdad Bogdan, but I couldn't connect with it. It just came out of nowhere, like the show just up and decided one day, "Hey let's add a bunch of emotional baggage to Kenzi!" There was some kind of betrayal in the midst of Hale's proposal – Bogdan is still around and they're scamming to get money out of Hale. Kenzi doesn't say yes to Hale right away, but tells him, "We have all the time in the world." Oh hi heavy-handed foreshadowing, you're still here?

If you're not sick of super random stuff happening out of nowhere, Mossimo appears and beats up Kenzi. Even the writers realized this was super random, so they threw in a few lines between Acacia and Tamsin about Mossimo being around and not really dead. I don't really have a problem with the Mossimo beats up Kenzi scene – bad guys gotta do bad things sometimes in fiction. I have to question why they stuck Kenzi in a very revealing outfit for that scene, though. For a second it was like, "Wow she is looking quite nice in those lace shorts," and then she's getting kicked in the ribs. Sure, it added to the feeling of vulnerability, but the show almost never sticks Kenzi in those kinds of outfits. It felt wrong here (by contrast, her pantsless scene telling Bo about the proposal was cute and sexy).

No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

Anyway, Hale shows up and beats Moss down, then gives him a fatal dose of siren scream. The effort seems to make Hale lose his hearing for a moment, so he doesn't hear Kenzi's shout of warning. Turns out Kenzi traded the Twig of Zemora, which grants immortality, to Mossimo for her Jubilee powers. Did she steal it from Hale? Such pathos! Mossimo puts a sword through Hale and leaves. Kenzi pleads for help, but Hale dies.

I wanted to feel it. I wanted this to be a big emotional moment. But it just felt so hollow to me. There were a few twinges, like Kenzi softly calling out for help, and her demand that Bo steal her chi to resurrect Hale. But mostly this just felt stupid, a desperate effort to be more dramatic, or one of those, "actor wants out" things that get thrown together at the last second.

No Headline Can Adequately Capture How Awful Lost Girl Was Last Night

Maybe the best scene in the whole damn episode was Tamsin hopping up on Dyson's lap for a hot makeout session. I've noticed all the pairings I tend to 'ship are warriors with warriors, and this one works for me too. Valkywolf?