Once Upon A Time is just running around in circles in the jungle now

After a heartbreaking episode last week, Once Upon A Time goes back to coasting on fumes. But hey, at least there was a giant squid. That's cool, right?

Spoilers ahead...

This episode was just more of the same this season. More dark jungle of Neverland, more bone-headed Charming dropping weird hints that he's dying but just not telling anyone, more cloying from Snow as she tries to surf the ocean of weirdness between her and her daughter of the same age, and more Rumpelstiltskin backstory, that the audience didn't need! Bae and Rumps didn't get along because of his abuse of magic.... YOU DON'T SAY.

To be fair, that wasn't the real message of all this backstory. This time, we learned that Rumps was such a nervous nelly that he wouldn't let his son decide fuck all in his life. And you know what? HE'S RIGHT. Kids are idiots. They shouldn't be allowed to make decisions like, "Should I become a Lost Boy and throw my life away forever?" Especially if their father is the town murder machine. Sure, Rumps takes this to a crazy extreme, but I'm really not feeling that bad for Bae.

And none of this backstory is new, it's all just more unnecessary fodder, to explain why he ran away, which he did. And we already knew, because we witnessed it. And that scene elicited an emotional response from us, because watching a father choose magic over his kid was brutal. This already spoke volumes about Rumps' character. And we know that would damage Bae. We didn't need to know that Rumps didn't trust his son either — that was kind of established when he dropped him into a portal because he was too chickenshit to follow him in the first place!

What DOES matter is that Peter Pan is clearly Rumps' brother [EDIT NOTW: Or FATHER??]. Which was greatly hinted at when Pan proclaimed the meeting of Bae, father and himself to be a family reunion. That was the second best part of this episode besides the squid and we really, really hope this pays off. It could be great.

Meanwhile Rumps has another vision — because sometimes describing how a character feels is hard and sometimes you need a fictional version of a fictional character to show up and reiterate what the character is feeling and doing, BECAUSE WE FORGOT WHAT HAPPENED TWO EPISODES AGO.

Once Upon A Time is just running around in circles in the jungle now

WOOF.

So what else? Oh — turns out Tinkerbell is a total monster:

Once Upon A Time is just running around in circles in the jungle now

Bae and Rumps team up to save Henry, but then Pan tells Bae of the prophecy and Bae is a good father, and leaves his Dad. That was good because there is absolutely no reason for Bae to trust his monster Dad. True, it totally rebooted the entire escape attempt. But I guess they can do it all over next week, in the dark forest of Neverland place town.

Other things we noticed:



    • You know when you're really drunk and your friend says, "You're really drunk." And you retort, "YOUR MOM'S REALLY DRUNK!" This is how Peter Pan's # 2 delivers all of his lines.
    • Peter Pan is the Pied Piper. This makes sense. However, I wish it had been used in a more nefarious way. That story always terrified me.
    • Henry can hear the music now, which means he's unloved or something. Which seems like BS to me. I thought he was special, shouldn't he have some "I Believe" power over the Neverland forgetfulness? Did we already do this in Hook?
    • Emma realizes that she's still in love with Neal/Bae. I bet you dollars to donuts she kisses Hook right when Neal finds her. Womp womp.

    And that is all. At least there was a giant squid. Amirite?