Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black has broken our hearts a lot. This character gets sick; that one gets hit by a car; another has a tragic childhood. But this week, we're worried that something very, very bad might have happened to one of the clones. Is the situation as dire as it looks?

Before we get to the big nope, let's start with Sarah and Felix, who are reeling from the revelation that their "dear old mom" isn't just the stern, piano-teaching, tea-making lady they know and have complicated feelings toward. But first things first. They need food and shelter for little Kira.

Progress isn't always a straight line. Sarah has grown up a lot over the last season and change. She's found a family. She's found people to fight for. She has decided that scamming people is no way to live. So when Sarah uses Felix and Kira to shoplift from a convenience store and then tells Sarah that it was an emergency scam, that's the newer, improved Sarah, the one who will still do what she must to survive but wants to be a better mother. But that doesn't mean that Sarah has pulled all the skeletons from her closet or that she's quite ready to ride into the sunset with her brother and daughter.

Sarah convinces Felix to break into what she claims is an empty vacation home but actually belongs to Cal, one of Sarah's former marks. On the surface, Cal seems like the nicest guy Sarah has ever been with. He invented a type of drone designed to supplement declining bee populations and when they were co-opted for military use, he became a hermit. And, according to Sarah, he happens to be Kira's father.

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

I can see why Sarah sought out Cal for refuge. He's smart, wealthy, anti-corporate, and self-sufficient, and Sarah has a bad habit of leaning on men. But if Cal truly is Kira's father, Sarah has just dragged him into a world of trouble. You think the Dyad is interested in Kira now? Just wait until they learn that there's a biological father with a whole new genome to explore! If Sarah really cared for Cal, the best thing she could have done is left him alone and pretended that she really didn't know the identity of Kira's father.

She also drives another wedge between herself and Felix, as she let Felix believe that Kira's dad was one of another of less savory characters. And if they aren't going to drive off to Costa Rica, Felix decides that he needs to get back to his life. Of course, without Sarah, Felix's life consists more or less of Alison. Felix may roll his eyes at all the clone drama, but at his core, he's a brother.

Sarah doesn't manage to stay in hiding very long, though. Daniel manages to track her down (and pretty quickly, too), and while Cal is able to defend Kira, Daniel makes off with Sarah—at least until they're T-boned by a truck. It says a lot that Sarah isn't even the clone I'm most worried about at the moment.

Daniel was awfully interested in Sarah's Project Leda photograph. Hopefully we'll learn more about that soon. It will also be interesting to see if Sarah recovers from this accident the way that Kira recovered from hers.

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Next, let's dance over to Cosima, who is going through some heroically fucked up business. While Cosima takes advantage of Dr. Leekie's absence to do Leekie impressions (and there's something charming about Tatiana Maslany doing a bad impression amidst all of the roles she plays), Delphine uses his sabbatical to introduce Cosima to Jennifer, or at least Jennifer's ghost. Jennifer was the first clone to show symptoms of the respiratory illness that Katja and Cosima share, and she died while in Leekie's care. It's a very dark moment for Cosima, witnessing not just her own possible future, but also an alternate version of herself who never knew about clones or monitors. As she watches Jennifer on the screen with her monitor boyfriend, Cosima comments that she sometimes forgets Delphine is her monitor. (Actually, she says "I forget that you're mine," which could have a secondary meaning as well.)

Delphine assures Cosima that what all the monitors feel for their charges is real, but it rings so false. Certainly, the relationships between clones and monitors is more complicated than that. Paul practically destroyed Beth with his inability to lover her coupled with his insistence that she stay close. Donnie, whom I suspect came into Dyad's employ after he and Alison broke up in college, may figure he's not much worse off than any of the other suburban men he knows; Alison may not be his first choice and she may drive him bonkers (and there was that whole thing with Chad and that whole other thing with the glue gun), but they've built an okay life together. Delphine wouldn't really know how other monitors feel about their clones; I'm not even convinced that she knows how she feels herself. She seems to genuine like and care for Cosima, but their relationship is complicated by sexuality, science, and straddled loyalties.

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

But Delphine knows her way around a lab and, it turns out, a dead body. She gives Cosima the chance to assist in the autopsy of Jennifer, which is how Cosima ends up plunging her hands into her doppelgänger's viscera. This, Orphan Black, is why we love you.

I was a tiny bit disappointed when the phone call that Cosima received was not actually from her mother but instead from Alison. I desperately want to meet some of the clones' parents, but I realize that there are only so many hours in a season. It is amazing that Cosima is in the more messed-up situation at the moment, dissecting a dead lady who shares her face, and yet we know that Alison is in far more trouble. Alison's play is starting, Felix is nowhere to be found, and Alison can't even see the wagon she fell off of any more. I was tickled by Alison's claim that, with Sarah and Felix gone, she and Cosima have to "hold down the fort." On the one hand, I can't figure out what fort-holding-down Alison is engaged in, but on the other, I'm sure she feels like she's holding down said fort and it's exhausting.

Hey, producers of Orphan Black, are we going to get the soundtrack to Alison's play any time soon? I need to find out whether they managed to actually clean up all that blood—and I don't mean out of the theater carpet after Alison took a drunken header off the front of the stage.

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

What Alison is actually dealing with (aside from a drinking problem) is the sudden appearance of Angie, who clumsily bops into her life while wearing yoga pants and a high ponytail. Angie, I love you, but undercover work is not your strong suit. Alison immediately figures that the Dyad must have put a second monitor on her because Donnie is such a putz, and she's so proud of herself when she confronts Angie. But surprise! Angie fesses up to being a cop investigating the ladies with similar faces. Watch out, Angie, you don't know what happened to the last lady whom Alison suspected of snooping.

I've been saving Helena for last, because what happened to her last night was shocking and I'm very concerned about where it's going. Evil cult leader Henrik still has her and decides that he's going to induct her into his Prolethian offshoot family, over the objections of his "first born." (During the ceremony, we learn that these Prolethians broke off from the anti-science sect.) Now, I was expecting a pleasant little baptism ceremony, even if it was a little weird that all the Prolethians were wearing white and hanging around the still injured Helena's bed.

This was more or less my thought process:

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black Had Its Biggest "Please God No" Moment Yet

Orphan Black, please don't let Henrik rape (or otherwise forcibly inseminate) Helena. Granted, the show has featured some sex that was only retroactively consensual (Paul and Sarah when Sarah was pretending to be Beth), but I really don't need to see another TV character raped, especially one who has suffered a heap of emotional and physical abuse already. Henrik can try to seduce Helena. He can put his creepy cult leader hands on her head and tell her to listen to God. But don't let him rape her.

I'm hoping rape isn't the ideal way for Henrik to get what he wants (a pregnant Helena), anyway. The cult could potentially provide Helena with what she so desperately craves: a family. For the moment, she still considers Sarah and Kira to be her family, even after her little, um, spat with Sarah. But could the Prolethian cultists sway her? That, to me, is a more interesting area to explore than a sexual violation. And given that family is a key theme of Orphan Black, I hope that it's the direction we're headed. On the other hand, I worry how far Henrik will take his philosophy than anything "man" does is righteous if done in God's name.