I think you just have see the broader scope of the whole thing; it's meant to play out over a series of films, not just one. And in that way, the retcon is sort of brilliant; it lets the writers start the characters more or less fresh, but still allows them to grow into the Kirk, Spock, and company that we know and love. Is Kirk more of an asshole/brat/chump than necessary at the beginning of the new film? Sure! But then again his origin is different here, and sort of speaks to that, and by the end of the whole thing we can see a glimmer of the true, more heroic Kirk starting to develop. Are we likely to ever get something as good as Star Trek: The Motion Picture out of this whole thing? Probably not, but sadly the days of films like that are gone. However, when you view it through the lens of the beginning of something new, something exciting meant to draw in and create new Trek fans and explore a whole new Trek world, it's actually kind of brilliant.
Again, I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong in your assessment of the new film, I just think that maybe you were a little bit foolish to expect it to be TOS all over again. And, honestly, I think it's better because it avoids trying to be that.