"Kutch glared into the monster's single neon red eye; his muscular sweaty chest heaving from the exertion of their brawl. In the momentary pause of the battle; a tension fell across the room as each warrior took a moment to regain his composure. They were no longer man and monster, but two beings experiencing mutual pain. The silence was so thick and pervading it was smothering; and Kutch felt a clarity of thought stirring into wakefulness overriding the warnings of his Command Chip.

How many times had his skills and training for fighting monsters left him with nothing but bruises and heart-ache; but never with any kind of pleasure whatsoever? How many times had his professors in the Space Academy said there was no logical way to fight a monster; other than using some kind of skill or training? How many times had they said that other than using some kind of skill; or some kind of training; all you could do was just kind of sit around and hope the monster fell over and died on its own?

Suddenly; Kutch found he could not take his eyes off the taut; slime-covered body of the monster. What were they fighting for anyway? Were they really so different? Kutch laughed; the sound a mixture of pure relief and powerful realization. Damn the professors; they were a thousand billion parsecs away!

The monster; sensing the change turned to run. Were those tears Kutch saw? Tears of understanding? Kutch laughed; and caught the monster's hand. It was so nice to touch without the fear that his skills or training would get in the way. That he could just be himself... and love as others loved.

'Come; monster. We're going to change the way things are done around here; we're going to find a new way to express ourselves.'

And all alone in the darkness of space; man and plasmoidal genetically-engineered sentient fungus exchanged cellular material and were as one."

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Yet, despite posessing the writing skills of a sausage, the man actually managed to sit down at his computer and hammer out 350+ pages of this shit... *plus* work up the balls to submit it to a publisher!

I would like an infusion of this guy's crazy juice. Just enough to cary me through my 12-part epic about the dimension hopping cyber-punk super hackers who build a gigantic computer to fight God.

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I call it "Space Murder".

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Then if an agent asks for a chapter... that's the time you can either impress with your writing or not. I would suggest not trying to impress agents in the letter itself.

Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of brilliant works that can't be summed up quickly. And that's why a lot of those works took years for the writer to get published. Sideways. Harry Potter. Forrest Gump. Those didn't make good pitch letters, despite the fact that they turned out to be ground breaking.

Once you've already been published, then it's more likely you can pitch something more detailed. Or in the case of the Zombies guy, you can just keep writing the same thing.

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Certain agents (not naming any names) are still talking about this, and I just can't even believe it.

"OMG its so hard to be an agent!" That's what this whole agent for a day thing is trying to prove. It's this silly, absurd response to agent fail. Yeah, I'm sure its hard. But guess what? It's your full time job. But not only that, it's your career! And you love it. Know what's a lot harder? Being most of the writers in this world who WANT writing to be their full time jobs, but just have to manage to do it on top of their ACTUAL jobs and lives.

Maybe the agents should try writing for a day? Get up at 5 am so you can have time at Starbucks to get some writing done before you go to work, and then go work at a shitty, low paying job you hate until five. Come home after that, cook dinner, and then force yourself to write some more.

I know several writers that do this every day, some who have kids on top of this! And they haven't made it yet, haven't sold their books yet, but I swear to god, I never hear them complain, or bitch, or anything. Because writing is what they love, and no matter how hard it is, they won't give up until they've made it.

OOOOhhhhhh but you have to read bad query letters every day? GASP! However do you manage?

I know some agents are all upset by the fact that some writers are frustrated with them, or even just frustrated with the biz and just taking it out on them. And it's understandable. But the way in which some have reacted is so immature and unbelievable, calling all the commentators on agent fail "whiners and complainers"

It...blows my mind. I'd say the majority of those comments were both fair and constructive criticisms.

As a writer myself, there are several prominent agents involved in this whole thing who I used to really respect, and after this I want nothing to do with them, no matter how talented they may be at what they do. Yes, they deserve respect. Absolutely! They work hard for writers, and are passionate about what they do. But they have to be mutually respectful. No matter how shitty a book is, how shitty a query was, a writer poured their heart and soul into it on top of their own lives, be it school, work, or both. And this is HARD. And unrewarding, especially when all it gets you is being shit on by some condescending prick on their blog.

*TAKES DEEP BREATH*

I swear to god, if I hear about this again my face will melt off.

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Kutch raised his eyes from the softly pulsating screen, mind ablaze with the choice he knew he had to follow. Slowly, he raised himself from his Suspens-a-tron 4000 model immersive internet lounger, set aside his nano-cherry wild-blast chicken smoothie and embraced his destiny. Reaching to the communico-panel on the wall with heroic resolve, Kutch did the one thing he knew he could:

-Hello; police!

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That sentence is pure win, and my new Facebook status.

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