io9: Battlestar Galactica

More Frak Than You Could Ever Want

Graeme McMillan — Fri, 16 May 2008 06:30:00 PDT

It's the censorship-evading word that stands as proof at how involved Battlestar Galactica has become in modern popular culture. Frak has even shown up in non-Cylon-friendly shows like Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls. But did you know that many households the world over are more familiar with frakking than you'd expect? More on that, and four other Frak Facts, after the jump.

Frak used to be much more polite: According to the Battlestar Wiki, "Frack" - the official spelling of the word for the original 1970s version of the show, according to the Writer's Guide - didn't always mean "fuck":

"Frack" is a Colonial expletive, roughly analagous to "shit" or even the milder "rats" or "darn" of the Original Series.

Apparently, the word was popularized in the original show by Dirk Benedict's Starbuck, giving him one karmic point back in return for playing Faceman.

The first use of the "Frak" spelling? A videogame: Frak! was a game released for the BBC Micro, Commodore 64 and Acorn Electron released in 1984, all about a caveman called Trogg jumping around platforms trying to find keys. When he died, he yelled out "Frak!" in anger. Does this mean that the final Cylon in Battlestar Galactica was actually a caveman, and we are all ancestors of toasters? Think about it.

"Frak" didn't make it through to Galactica 1980: In deference to the more kid-friendly time slot of the third season of the original show, even "frack" was deemed to be too risque for the audience. Its replacement in the faux-curse stakes? "Felgercarb".

Japan's latest two-wheeled craze is fracking mamas: According to the Digital World Tokyo blog, a new bike brand may seem slightly familiar to Galactica fans:

Battlestar Galactica fans on a budget might get a kick out of this Japanese Mama Chari (or 'Mom's bike') named for their favorite pseudo swearword.

The ¥49,000 ($450) bicycle comes with a sturdy child seat in front of the handlebars, three gears and that all-important oedipal epithet right there on the frame for the world to see.

Adama's shaving mirror is awesomely fracky: Does that shaving mirror in Admiral Adama's quarters look somewhat familiar to you? That's because it's from Ikea, and used as a prop thanks to a particularly oblique in-joke... The actual name of the mirror if you head to your closest Swedish lifestyle emporium just happens to be... Fräck. Someone, somewhere in the BSG scene-dressing department must be cracking up every time they see Edward James Olmos frowning at himself while he shaves.

Image from FilmFodder.

Frak [Urban Dictionary]

The Triggers Are The Only Things That Are Happy On BSG

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:07:19 PDT

Here's a juicy new clip from tomorrow night's Battlestar Galactica episode, "Guess What's Coming To Dinner." It looks like the episode kicks off with another wacky misunderstanding — sort of like Three's Company, but with bigger guns. The first 10 minutes of the episode will be streaming live at Sci Fi tomorrow every hour on the hour, from 9 AM to 4 PM EST.

Hot Cylon Action in Never-Before-Seen Photos from BSG Set

Annalee Newitz — Thu, 15 May 2008 13:30:00 PDT

Mojo, who does effects work on bots vs. human show Battlestar Galactica, has just posted a gorgeous set of photographs that designers used to create the look of the all-metal Centurion cylons for the new show. Here you can see a cool "smackdown" picture of an old-school cylon (featured in Razor flashbacks) going head-to-head with a new-school one. What's interesting to me, looking at these real-life models for creatures who are pure CGI in the show, is how much they're intended resemble Roman soldiers. They even have butt-covering chain mail!

Mojo explains:

From the back, we see that the large power cell/backpack has been faithfully reproduced. Perhaps the biggest surprise was, against all odds (and the office betting pool), Pierre actually managed to keep a hint of the original skirt! Now, instead of it being an actual, fabric skirt designed to hide deficiencies in the costume, we have a piece of flexible armor, further protecting the mechanisms within.

OK, I didn't remember that the original cylons had skirts.

Wait, are those skirts or . . . hotpants? Am I watching The Apple? So confused.

Clean your mind by checking out more cool cylon photos at Mojo's blog.

Anatomy of a Cylon [Darth Mojo]

Look What Happened The Last Time Galactica Found Earth

Charlie Jane Anders — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:00:00 PDT

This scene from Galactica 1980 gave me some weird nightmares when I was a kid, and it still creeps me out now. Every time people discuss what will happen when the new Battlestar Galactica finally reaches Earth, this scene flashes before my eyes, and I shudder. So I thought I would share it with you. Seriously: what the frak? Spoilers ahead.

So Dylan and Troy, the Apollo and Starbuck knockoffs, have just gotten back from stopping their errant colleague from giving super-future technology to the Nazis in World War II. And now they think it's a great idea to lend invisibility and mind-control tech to some slack-jawed kid who's been bullied at school, so he can mentally damage the bully with his "I'm inside your heeeeaadd" routine.

Just remember this bizarre and unsettling moment next time someone complains that the new BSG is too creepy or frakked up. This beats Leoben Swayze-dancing with Starbuck while they paint her cabin together by 100 centons.

Battlestar Galactica's Prequel Has A Sinister Star

Meredith Woerner — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:53:00 PDT

The Sci Fi Channel has found the one actor creepy enough to help relate the origin of the the Cylons, that cyborg race that nearly destroys humanity in Battlestar Galactica. Eric Stolz, whom you might remember as the pervy dad from The Butterfly Effect or as everyone's favorite junkie from Pulp Fiction, will play patriarch Daniel Graystone in Caprica, the TV movie prequel to BSG (which may become a series.) And actress Alessandra Toressani will be playing his daughter Zoe. This cast is getting better and better by the moment. In other SciFi news Frances Fisher has been asked to shoot an eight-episode arc on Sci Fi's Eureka. [Hollywood Reporter]

Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer Is The Black Cat!

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:00:00 PDT

The promo frenzy for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull kicks into high gear this week, with Shia LaBoeuf appearing all over the airwaves to explain his Fonzie-esque character Mutt, plus a new Sci Fi Channel special about the real-life crystal skulls. But if you're not obsessing about Indy and his skulls, there's also the season finale of Smallville, which sees the departure of half the show's cast and creators in a hopefully explosive conclusion. And if that doesn't make you want to jump on your TiVo, then how about Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer playing the Black Cat, Spider-Man's baddest girlfriend?

Tonight

Tonight sees the two-hour season premier of American Gladiators on NBC. This show is set in a bleak future dystopia where a drugged populace watches people compete in brutal events like "Rocketball" and "Vertigo," where survival is the greatest prize. Oh, wait.... never mind. If you like your contests of life and death a little more fictional, AMC is showing Terminator 2 at 8 PM.

Shia LaBoeuf is on Letterman tonight at 11:30ish, talking about Indiana Jones and explaining why he thought it was a great idea to play a "swashbuckling biker" named Mutt.

Tuesday

Shia LaBoeuf continues his TV rampage by appearing on Good Morning America, along with William Shatner.

The History Channel has two episodes of Mega Disasters at 8 and 9 PM, including a new episode, "Mega Tsunamis." Did waves taller than the Statue of Liberty smash the coasts of the Mediterranean sea 8,000 years ago — and could a tsunami like that happen again? Also, at 11 PM, the History Channel has a rerun of Earth's Black Hole, a special about black holes and whether they affect our life here on Earth. The answer, apparently, involves going to the Bermuda Triangle. (Of course it does.)

Also, FX is showing League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen at 5, and Hellboy at 8 and 10:30.

And Wednesday morning at 1:10, TMC has The Man Who Fell To Earth starring David Bowie at his absolute freakiest.

Wednesday

The History Channel comes to our rescue once again, with an episode of Modern Marvels called "Mad Electricity" — it's all about Nikola Tesla, and how we're all using his discoveries constantly today. That's at 8 PM, followed by reruns of MonsterQuest and UFO Hunters.

And at 10 PM, TMC is showing Hollow Man 2, in which Christian Slater plays a cop pursuing an invisible killer. Yeah. I didn't know they made a sequel either.

Thursday

It's the Smallville season finale, "Arctic." This could be the last time you ever see Lex and Clark face off, with the smouldering and the Lex wanting to probe Clark's secrets. After tonight's episode, Lex actor Michael Rosenbaum is leaving the show — possibly never to return — and Lana will only be back for a few episodes. Also possibly gone? Chloe. Oh, and the show's co-creators Miles Millar and Al Gough are also taking off. So even though Smallville is coming back next season, this may as well be the show's final episode because it'll be almost unrecognizable next year. So maybe we'll actually get some resolution of the show's main plot arc? It might be worth tuning in just to find out. In any case, Lex finds Clark's Fortress of Solitude and learns Clark's secrets. Anyway, it's on The CW at 8. Here's a clip:

And then Lost has the first hour of its three-hour season finale, "There's No Place Like Home Pt. 1." The survivors and the freighter people begin their final confrontation. And here's a trailer:

Also, TVLand has the 1999 movie of My Favorite Martian, starring Christopher Lloyd, at 8 PM. And TBS has the original Austin Powers at 9.

Friday

The Sarah Jane Adventures is already zooming towards the end of its first season on Sci Fi, with the second half of "Whatever Happened To Sarah Jane?" airing at 8 and the first half of "The Lost Boy" airing at 8:30. Sarah Jane gets restored to our timeline, but then her cozy little family gets broken up a different way: a family turns up claiming that her adoptive son Luke is their child. Oh, and Maria's dad finds out all about Sarah Jane's world-saving activities, and decides Maria should have no part of it. Here's a clip:

And at 9 PM, Sci Fi has the first half of a Doctor Who two parter, "The Sontaran Strategem." Some people liked this episode a lot better than I did, with the campy dancing and weird Sergey Brin knock-off. In any case, it brings the Doctor and Donna back to present-day Earth for a reunion with Martha Jones and the military organization U.N.I.T. You can read our recap of the episode here.

Battlestar Galactica has a new episode at 10 PM on Sci Fi: "Guess What's Coming To Dinner." The human survivors of the Cylon genocide reluctantly join forces with a group of rebel Cylons to destroy the crucial Resurrection Hub. And it looks like Hera has a favorite auntie. Oh, and if you're in Seattle, you can watch it with a group of fans. Here's the trailer:

Saturday

As usual, the CW has two Spectacular Spider-Man episodes starting at 9:30, including a new episode at 10. But this week's new episode is pretty special, because it features the debut of the sexiest female character from Spider-Man's comics (sorry, Mary Jane): the Black Cat. And just to up the sexiness quotient considerably, she's voiced by none other than Tricia Helfer, aka the Cylon Six on Battlestar Galactica. How much sexiness do you think you can stand at 10 AM on a Saturday morning?

And meanwhile, the Cartoon Network has another new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10: "Max Out." "The team searches for Gwen's missing brother Ken and uncovers a secret of the DNAliens invasion." And then at 10:30, there's a new Transformers: Animated, which sounds like the sort of wheel-spinning episode (sorry!) that TV shows do while they're waiting for the end of the season to shake things up: "Investigating a mysterious race car, Bumblebee gets involved with an illegal underground street racing circuit, which also captures the attention of the Decepticons." Street racing? Why would the Autobots care about street racing? Whatevs.

The Sci Fi Channel is showing all three 1980s Indiana Jones movies, starting at 4 PM. (They're also showing during the day on Sunday.) Also, at midnight, Sci Fi has Timeline, followed by Tremors 4: The Legend Begins and Prophecy: The Foresaken. (Why did it take until Tremors 4 for the legend to begin??)

Sunday

At 9 PM, Sci Fi is showing its big promo special about the new Indiana Jones movie: Mystery Of The Crystal Skulls. Apparently there really are 13 crystal skulls, of which a few have actually been found in Mexico and Central and South America. And they're a huge mystery to archeologists because they're so perfect and awesome. Not only that, but it turns out that if you assemble all 13 skulls, you can stop the world from coming to an end in 2012. (Why is Sci Fi the only channel reporting on this? You'd think CNN and C-Span would be interested in whether the world was ending in four years as well.) Anyway, it's investigative journalism at it's finest, and in no way is it just a cheesy promo stunt.

And Spike is showing Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back at 8 PM.

Cylon Deathfest on Battlestar Galactica

Annalee Newitz — Mon, 12 May 2008 06:30:00 PDT

For those of us who have gotten sick of scientist-cum-messiah Baltar's sermonizing, Friday's episode of Battlestar Galactica, "Faith," was a welcome relief. Instead of watching a sweaty dude in a shiny robe preach to a room full of Lilith Fair lady ninjas, we got to watch an asskicking Starbuck court danger and cylons. Plus there were views of the cylon Base Ships that we've never seen before — and that looked seriously awesome. For BSG fans who like the whole character development thing, there was plenty of that too. A lot of the humans (and cylons) are having to face their mortality for the first time. And it's not always pretty.

Face-slamming excitement initiates the episode: Starbuck has a slitty-eyed glaring contest with Helo as he leads a mutiny on the Demetrius and tries to throw her in the brig. She's totally pissed off and Athena grabs her in a headlock while Helo yells "stand down!" a lot. More stand-downs ensue as Starbuck's cylon honey Anders goes nuts, aiming his gun at random people and demanding that Starbuck be reinstated as captain. Helo is yelling at Gaeta to jump the ship to its rendezvous with the Galactica, and Anders is yelling at him to stop, and Starbuck is freaking out, and in the craziness Anders shoots Gaeta right in the leg.

At that moment, Starbuck seems to snap out of crazy art girl mode, quickly patching Gaeta's wound and telling Helo that he was right. The Demetrius shouldn't go chasing after Leoben's promised Base Ship and cylon allies. Instead, Starbuck should take a Raptor, pack it with Leoben's cylon ass, and check out the Base Ship story for herself. A lot of "no ways" and "stand downs" later, Starbuck has an away team: Athena to be cylon interpreter, Leoben, Anders because he's Starbuck's arm candy, and a hot throwaway cast member who you know is going to be dispensable as soon as she says Starbuck as been "kicking ass all along." The Demetrius is going to wait for them for 15 hours, while Gaeta's leg goes to shit, before jumping to the Galactica rendezvous.

Oh poor throwaway cast member with the cute haircut, we will sorely miss you because as soon as the Raptor lands on board the least-crippled Base Ship, you die. But before we get to the death orgy, though, let's assess the coolness factor of seeing the horrible remains of the cylon civil war. As soon as Starbuck and Co. jump to Leoben's coordinates and tune out Leoben's inane commentary ("Can you feel the excitement? God is making my cylon nutsacs tingle!"), they are in the middle of carnage.

This really is a great scene, as the Raptor moves slowly through the charred remains of the Base Ships, their broken limbs glowing red like ripped muscles or burst blood veins. We know the Raiders are organic, but this is the first time we've seen the biological side of Base Ships. Does that mean the Base Ships are potentially autonomous beings like the Raiders are? Turns out the whole battle scene is what Starbuck has been painting in her cabin all this time, and the giant flaming comet she drew was actually the Base Ship they're about to rendezvous with. Whoa, religious epiphany, destiny, all that crap. Much oohhing from Leoben. Luckily nobody sees a giant electric Buddha like in Matrix Revolutions.

When the Raptor lands in the Base Ship from Starbuck's paintings, we get more of the organic creepy-coolness: the ship bay closes up with a slimy thud, red sinews and muscles blocking vacuum rather than a metal bay door. And more yuck awaits. As the away team steps out of the Raptor, Athena is immediately met with a bunch of Sharons in matching baby-blue sweater sets (scary!) who all want her to help them rebel against the Sixes. They start pushing Athena to teach them free will because Six is making bad decisions and "she must be stopped." Weirdly, Athena rejects their requests, telling them they should pick a side and stay with it, not leave at the first sign of trouble. Huh? Didn't Athena herself chuck her cylon sisters when the going got rough and she got busy with Helo? Whatever. Now she's all about the "stick with your sisters" thing.

After a tense meeting with the Sixes and Leobens, where one Six says something pretty funny about how all the Leoben models are obsessed with Starbuck, the alliance is secured. The cylons will help the humans, and in return the humans will help the Base Ship get its FTL drives back in order. They'll all go to Earth together. But first, Starbuck needs to fulfill that destiny that Leoben keeps whining about by visiting the cylon Hybrid who controls the Base Ship. That's the crazy, babbling lady who lives in goo and basically is a kind of avatar of the Base Ship's consciousness — or maybe the pilot of the Base Ship, or its symbiote.

But before the Hybrid tells us the future and reveals the plot arc of the rest of the season, Six kills the hot expendable crew member. Turns out hottie is a former member of the resistance on Caprica, and she killed that particular Six model in an incredibly horrible way in a septic tank. When the Six mentions her murder to expendable hottie, unfortunately hottie says something kind of insensitive, like "I'd do it again." So Six beats the shit out of her and kills her. Then Anders goes crazy and wants to kill the Six, and Starbuck is like "stand down!" and it looks like the alliance will be off until another Six comes in and talks to the murdering Six, telling her stuff like, "I thought we'd worked through this." Then she kisses the other Six and pulls the trigger on the gun Anders has aimed at her head. Whoa! So two things: One, holy crap. And two, apparently cylons can be extremely traumatized by being killed. Which makes sense.

The Starbuck-Hybrid meeting scene is nearly as cool as the tour of the cylon combat zone, and for some of the same reasons. Not only does the meeting advance the plot and give us more hints about the human-cylon alliance to come, but it also gives us a sharper understanding of how the cylon technology works. Starbuck is visiting the Hybrid because Leoben has told her it can reveal her true mission or path or whatever. But the complement of cylons are there because they have to take the Hybrid offline so the Raptor can reboot their FTL.

When everybody comes to the Hybrid's chamber, the Hybrid's babble makes more sense than last time we visited her: a lot of what she's saying are clearly commands to the ship, or maybe just logs of processes happening on the ship. She mentions the FTL failure several times, and then says repeatedly that "the children of the one reborn shall find their own country." I'm guessing Starbuck is the "one reborn." Then things get seriously awesome because they unplug the Hybrid and she totally freaks out, screaming in this eerie voice and seemingly inducing a Centurion to shoot one of the Sharons. (Remember, they're out of range of a Resurrection Ship, so death is for keeps.) As the Sharon dies, her blood staining the Hybrid's goo, Starbuck grabs the Hybrid and yells "What the frack?" or something like that.

And suddenly the Hybrid focuses totally on Starbuck, saying, "You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace." Then she goes kind of J.J. Abrams on our asses, and adds, "The missing three will give you the five who come from the home of thirteenth." Six and Starbuck quickly figure out that this means they need to reanimate D'Anna, the de-activated cylon model 3, who has seen the faces of the final 5 cylons, who apparently know about the "home of the thirteenth tribe," AKA Earth. So they zoom off to rendezvous with the Demetrius, and then head onward to resurrect D'Anna (damn I missed Xena, so thanks for that).

Meanwhile, as all this coolness has been going on, Roslin is confronting her mortality and starting to see why Baltar's message is so seductive. As she bonds with another cancer patient in the hospital who likes Baltar's message, she begins to realize that Baltar has captured a true desire in the fleet for answers to their spiritual agony in the wake of the cylon attacks. Roslin even has a vision of heaven as Baltar describes it: an otherworldly place full of her dead family, which she can reach on a ship that travels across the water.

Oh, and by the way, Roslin has one scene where she's handing off power to Foster while she undergoes her final treatments which is awesome for two reasons. First, Roslin doesn't have her wig on — she's totally bald. And she looks frakkin gorgeous. Brief moment of wow. And of course she's handing over all her power to Foster, which is a brief moment of the other kind of wow. Not so good.

By the end of the episode, Roslin is so taken with her dream of heaven and her reevaluation of Baltar that she visits Adama in his quarters and tells him she's starting to believe in what Adama calls "Baltar's horse manure." Adama is weirded out, but listens to Roslin then leans into kissing-range of her face and says that she's made him have faith in their trip to Earth. But they don't kiss. Damn.

Previews for next week look seriously exciting, though: Athena and Helo's hybrid baby Hera has started drawing scary kid drawings full of "66666" and pictures of blonde ladies. Has she become Damien? Or is she just yearning for Six the cylon? Tune in next week to find out!

Meet The New Characters In Smallville Season 8

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 12 May 2008 06:00:00 PDT

Smallville season seven doesn't end for another few days, but there are already new spoilers for season eight — including Clark's newest human adversary. Also, someone has posted the alleged ending of M. Night Shyamalan's new film The Happening. Also, there are new hints about Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Lost, Stargate: Atlantis, and the next Star Wars novel. Oh, and we may finally get to find out what was the deal with Firefly's mysterious man of god, Shepherd Book — and the first details are already leaking out. Click through to get your spoilers on.

The Happening:

The secret of The Happening, M. Night Shyamalan's newest movie, is that it's a virus produced by plants and trees to fight back against humanity. It spreads through the air and makes people kill themselves. And the main characters, a family fleeing from the disaster, finally kill themselves at the movie's end. [Edward J.R.]

Smallville:

Someone claims to have casting sides for two new characters who will appear in Smallville season eight. There's a twentysomething bartender at Ace Of Clubs named Davis Bloome, who meets Lois when he serves her whiskey, and seems to read her mind as she's musing about a friend. It's a "weirdly sexy" moment. They snark back and forth, but then the conversation gets too weird for Lois. In a second audition scene, Lois seems to know Davis much better, and she finds him with blood on his hands. He says a waitress broke a tray of glasses and cut herself, but Lois doesn't believe him. And then it turns out Davis has blackouts where he can't remember anything he did. Lois offers to help, but Davis just begs her not to tell anyone. And she suddenly feels afraid.

The second character is Tess, who meets Clark in his barn, where she's wearing a pencil skirt and high heels. She tells Clark she's moving into Luthor Manor in Lex's absence. And she baits Clark about the fact that he was the last one to see Lex alive, and asks why Lionel Luthor would take a farmboy under his wing. Clark says Lionel was just a family friend, but Tess thinks Lionel lusted after Martha Kent. And her second scene involves Jimmy sneaking into the Daily Planet archives. Tess has been looking for Jimmy, but he's a hard guy to find. Jimmy tells Tess he didn't work for Lex, but she knows better. She tells him to spill what he knows about Lex's last trip... or else.

So... Lex is being replaced by a woman. And Lois is getting a new creepy love interest. [Notes... Written On Water]

Battlestar Galactica:

Battlestar Galactica just recently filmed a scene that started to explain how Starbuck came back from the dead. And "it's not an uplifting understanding," says star Edward James Olmos. "It's as dark as everything else. You sit there and you go, 'You guys are sick!'" [Boston Globe]

Doctor Who:

Once again, Digital Spy has a bunch of spoilers for Saturday's Doctor Who episode, three of which are fake. Off the top of my head, I can believe Donna tries to fit in with the 1920s by saying "spiffing" and "chin chin," Agatha Christie hits on Donna to no avail, Chief Inspector Smith shows up, and Donna thinks that Enid Blyton's "Noddy" is real and that "Murder On The Orient Express" is a song. [Doctor Who Insania]

Lost:

Time travel is definitely happening on Lost, say producers Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof. And you shouldn't be asking if Claire is dead, but rather "What happened to Claire?" And we should be asking, "What is dead?" (Whoah.) Richard Alpert will be more prominent in the future of the show. Some of the show's mysteries, like the numbers, will never be explained, for fear of cheapening them the way the Force was cheapened on Star Wars after we learned about midichlorians. By the season's end, you'll have a sense of where the Penny-Desmond storyline is going. [E! Online]

Someone who's on set says the last week of filming includes scenes in the jungle, in a church, in a rescue plane and on the studio lot. And the "extra babies" (doubles for Aaron?) are girls. Significant? Or just random? [Lyly Ford]

Stargate: Atlantis:

Stargate: Atlantis will have a big two-parter halfway through its fifth season: "First Contact" and "The Lost Tribe." Dr. Daniel Jackson (from Stargate: SG-1) will visit Atlantis to do research on Janus, the scientist who invented a time-traveling puddle jumper, and who also saved Dr. Weir when she traveled back in time 10,000 years. Daniel and Rodney McKay discover a research laboratory on another planet, which belonged to Janus. But the other Atlanteans did not look favorably upon Janus' work. And Jackson and McKay aren't alone there.

Meanwhile, "Todd" the Wraith seizes control over the Earth battlecruiser Apollo, and only Ronon and Keller remain at large. Todd threatens to start killing people unless Ronon and Keller turn themselves in. Todd is heading to Janus' laboratory, to shut down the "Attero device," which threatens his new alliance. But Col. John Sheppard and Dr. Zelenka have joined up with a Traveler ship led by a captain named Katana, and they're are rushing to get to Janus' lab first. Sheppard and Zelenka work with a 15-year-old engineer, Mila to upgrade the Traveler ship's engines, because if they don't make it to Janus' lab before Todd, Jackson and McKay may be dead. [Gateworld, via Leliana McKay]

Firefly:

An upcoming Firefly comic book series, The Shepherd's Tale, will detail more about the mysterious pastor, Shepherd Book. According to actor Ron Glass, we'll learn that Book found God in a soup bowl, something about Book is artificial, Book's greatest victory was his worst defeat, and Book took the name of someone he killed. [Firefly Fans]

Star Wars: Legacy Of The Force:

More spoilers for Star Wars: Invincible, the Legacy Of The Force book that comes out on Tuesday: Jaina kills Jacen, after injuring him severely. Jacen has gone totally batshit, but really is trying to save Tenel Ka and Allana from some sort of danger. But Jaina doesn't believe him. Daala becomes chief of state. And Luke Skywalker is "around" but doesn't do much. His son, Ben, fights Tahiri and captures her. [Jacen's Heart]

Bring Back the Old Starbuck Please

Annalee Newitz — Fri, 09 May 2008 10:58:08 PDT

As we anticipate tonight's episode of humans vs. robots show Battlestar Galactica with this preview clip, I have one hope. And that is that we'll get our old Starbuck back, the one who was a total badass and fought blonde amazon cylon Six on Caprica with her bare hands and repeatedly killed the cylon Leoben who imprisoned her. Remember that Starbuck? The one you thought Rambo could learn something from? (Light spoilers ahead.)

For the last several episodes, Starbuck has been going crazy in a way that doesn't make sense in the context of her character. She's gotten all soft and weepy and has started painting. I could believe a Starbuck who was crazed with bloodlust, but a Starbuck who is willing to bring a Leoben model cylon on board her ship and work with him? A Starbuck who can't keep her crew under control? A Starbuck who allows a mutiny to happen?

I realize that this is a new Starbuck who has undergone some kind of transformation that we don't understand after she chased that heavy Raider into the clouds and disappeared for months. Maybe she's a cylon or a clone or an angel or whatever. (Please don't make her an angel! That would be so LAME!) But part of what I love about this show is Starbuck's steely resolve and asskickery.

So let's hope tonight's episode, which will be partly about the fallout from the mutiny on Starbuck's ship that was searching for Earth, will bring the old Starbuck back. We need her, especially in this time of Baltar-ization.

Meet Admiral Adama's Dad

Meredith Woerner — Thu, 08 May 2008 08:40:00 PDT

Here's the man who gave William Adama his steely glare and raspy voice. The BSG prequel, Caprica, welcomes its newest cast member Esai Morales as Joseph Adama. (You may know him as the awesome Major Edward Beck from Jericho.) As we reported before, Joseph is a very troubled man with a dark past. More spoilery details about this character, after the jump.

While the Hollywood Reporter described Joseph as a, "deeply passionate man with a strong sense of justice, someone you wouldn't want as your enemy," we know him as the widowed father who lost both his wife and daughter in a suicide bombing. This DA with mob ties also agrees to help create a robot version of his lost daughter with the help of fellow bereaved father Daniel Graystone. I'm sure it will all only end in tears — cold cylon tears. [Hollywood Reporter]

WTF Casting News From Wolverine And Heroes

Charlie Jane Anders — Thu, 08 May 2008 06:00:00 PDT

Sometimes, you sort of know how a particular movie or TV episode is going to go, after you read a bunch of spoilers. And sometimes, you see a new spoiler and have no clue how it's going to fit together with what you already knew. Case in point: a new casting announcement for the Wolverine movie makes no sense to me at all. There's also a new character joining Heroes, who could put a different spin on the show's existing relationships. (And one fan is going nuts trying to make all the random Battlestar spoilers fit.) And then there are the weird-but-true hints about upcoming Doctor Who episodes, the confusing Lost clips, and the cryptic pages from DC Comics' Final Crisis. But even when spoilers add to our confusion, we have to consume them anyway. We're spoilervores!

Wolverine:

The Wolverine solo movie, which already has a pretty massive cast of mutants tromping through it, now also guest-stars the young Scott Summers aka Cyclops. How does Cyclops fit into the storyline of Logan's early years in the Weapon X military taskforce? [Superhero Hype]

Heroes:

Bruce Boxleitner will play a new character in Heroes season three, one who was originally modeled on Sen. John McCain, but who may have been reconceived now that Bruce is playing him. In any case, this new character shares many scenes with one of our female regulars. (Angela, maybe?) This makes me think the new season will be way more political than we'd been led to expect, with that "supervillains" theme. Also, even though we're hearing about lots of new characters in season three, the focus will be on our core characters from the show's original pilot. [Ask Ausiello]

Battlestar Galactica:

Here's a pretty carefully constructed chronology of all the spoilers about upcoming Battlestar Galactica episodes that have come out so far. The only ones that may be news to me are that Tigh gets onboard a baseship, and there's a "powerful scene" between Tigh and Admiral Adama, possibly about President Roslin's capture by the rebel cylons. [Leliana McKay]

Doctor Who:

Here's a snippet from the script and a clip from Saturday's episode, "The Doctor's Daughter":
Jenny picks herself up, unharmed, excited, grinning. The Doctor is furious with her.
The Doctor: Why did you do that?
Jenny: They were trying to kill us!
The Doctor: But they've got my friend
Jenny: Collateral damage. At least you've still got her. He lost both of his men. I'd say you came out ahead. [Planet Gallifrey]

Some kind soul has scanned in some pages from some British magazines that include a few spoilers for the rest of the season. The Doctor's "daughter" is related to him but is necessarily his daughter daughter — it's complicated. So how does he end up with a daughter? According to one article, he sticks his hand into a machine that spits out grown-up offspring a moment later. In the season finale, there's a segment on a fake talk show where the "lights in the sky" are discussed. And one of the companions appearing in the finale may not survive. (My money's on Rose, actually.) [Loftio]

Remember those incredibly suspect spoilers we posted yesterday for the end of the season? The ones where Donna dies, and then the Doctor undoes her death, and then he wipes her memory? The guy who posted them has been banned from Digital Spy, where he posted them, and has become the laughingstock of the Doctor Who forum. Poor guy — he was just trying to keep us entertained. [Boards.ie]

Lost:

Some more preview photos have come out from the season finale, showing the Oceanic Six in mid-escape.

And here are two more short clips from tonight's Lost episode. It looks like Locke meets a ghost from the Dharma Initiative, and Sayid has a plan to save everyone on the island. [Spoilers Lost]

Final Crisis:

Entertainment Weekly has a five-page preview of Final Crisis, with script pages from writer Grant Morrison. It looks very much like 52 part two, or maybe "53." In a nutshell, Dick Turpin (from Metropolis Special Crimes Unit) finds Orion in a dumpster, half dead. And then he has a conversation with ex-cop Rene Montoya, who's become a superhero called The Question. Meanwhile, the sky turns red and freaks out, and John Stewart, who's a Green Lantern (a space cop with a magic ring) gets called to a "1011" emergency. Oh, and old Justice League villain Libra is behind everything, but uber-villain Darkseid also plays a major role. [Entertainment Weekly]

Cylons Just As Frakked As Ever, Says Producer

Graeme McMillan — Wed, 07 May 2008 06:30:00 PDT

Wondering whether Battlestar Galactica's Final Four Cylons are sleeper agents awaiting instructions to destroy humanity once and for all, or just confused and frakked up as they seem? Showrunner and producer Ron D. Moore has no problems telling you the answer to that question, as well as dropping a little spoiler or two, in the finally-appearing podcast commentaries to this season's episodes.

Talking about the Final Four, he says:

We came up with the idea for the Final Four at the end of the last season, and talked about revealing them and the first questions that were asked in the writers' room was, well, "Where do you go from here? How do you play them? Are they going to be sleeper agents, are they going to be working against us, are they totally different people?" And, in all truth, that was like the actors' biggest concern, every one of the actors in that room asked me "Am I playing something completely different now? I've been playing this, I've known this character and I've gotten inside this character's head and, do I have to change all that, am I somebody else?" And I said, no no no, and I never wanted to do that. The notion of discovering that these are the four Cylons was never to make them completely different people. It would now inform who they are. It would now give them a deeper understanding of who they are, but I really didn't have any interest in flipping a switch and having Saul Tigh becoming a completely different human being.

Also in the commentary to the first episode: Expect Kara's pure Viper to play an important part later in the season, and Caprica Six will have a "very interesting year". Also, Baltar? Not Jesus. "That's not what the show's about," apparently. Spoilsport.

Technical difficulties not withstanding, new commentaries appear to accompany each episode's transmission, and make fine commute listening each morning after.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 Podcast [Sci Fi.com]

The One Battlestar Plot Twist You Never Expected

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 07 May 2008 06:00:00 PDT

Today's batch of spoilers include a shocking plot twist from the new Batman movie The Dark Knight, and a ton of details about a June Battlestar Galactica episode. We also have new plot details about Sam Rockwell's new movie Moon, and a new synopsis for Star Wars: Clone Wars. We dug up a dodgy description of how the current Doctor Who season climaxes, and a few new hints about the rest of the Lost season. All this, plus new spoilerific pics from Smallville, Transformers: Animated and Spectacular Spider-Man. Make a spoiler space in your mind, and then jump right in.

Moon:

Remember Moon, the movie directed by David Bowie's son Duncan Jones, and starring Sam Rockwell (Confessions Of A Dangerous Mind)? Now that it's in post-production, a few more details have leaked out. The reason Rockwell is stranded alone on the Moon for three years: he's mining a gas that Earth needs to solve its energy crisis. And while he's stuck up there, he has an encounter that will change the course of human history. Even though Rockwell is alone on the Moon, he has costars in the movie: Matt Berry (The IT Crowd) and Kaya Scodelario (Skins). Are they playing aliens he meets, or other people who turn up? Or the people waiting for him back on Earth? [Slice Of Scifi]

The Dark Knight:

In the new Batman movie, part of what drives Harvey Dent over the edge into becoming Two-Face is that his fiancee is killed. This is presumably Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal). This will also give Batman something else to angst over, since she's his old flame and his "hope for a normal life." [Comic By Comic]

Battlestar Galactica:

Someone posted a ton of spoilers for episode 9 of Battlestar Galactica season four, "The Hub," which airs June 6. Roslin and Baltar are in the hands of the rebel Cylons (the Leobens, the Sharons, the Sixes) who are planning an attack on the "Resurrection Hub," without which no Cylon can resurrect anywhere, even with a resurrection ship. The humans have an uneasy alliance with these rebel Cylons. And some human pilots help with the attack, including Helo, Seelix and "Gonzo" Pike. The humans also decide to help the rebels to retrieve D'Anna (Lucy Lawless) so they can learn the identity of the Final Five within the fleet. D'Anna is un-boxed and immediately starts being manipulative and playing mind games again. The battle to destroy the Hub is "insane."

Helo feels very threatened when he realizes that when "his" Sharon died and was resurrected over the algae planet, her memories became available to all the other Sharons.

Baltar does the one thing that could surprise me at this point: he confesses his role in the destruction of humanity to Roslin — leaving her with a tough moral quandary. We see Roslin's death in a flash-forward, and the "L-word" is finally spoken between her and Adama. Elosha puts in an appearance as Roslin's spiritual adviser. [Battlestar Blog]

Star Wars: Clone Wars:

Here's our first look at Asajj Ventress, one of the main villains of the Star Wars: Clone Wars movie (coming this August) and TV show (coming this fall). As with previous versions, she's bald and venomous-looking. [USA Today]

And more story details about the movie have come out. Jabba the Hutt's son has been kidnapped, and the Jedi agree to rescue him in exchange for access to shipping routes, but this may be a plot to divert the Jedi to the remote planet of Teth. Anakin, his student Ahsoka, and a Clone squadron, travel to the B'omarr monastery on Teth to find Hutt Jr., but they find themselves surrounded by General Grievous' battle droids and hunted by Asajj Ventress. R2D2 helps them find a way out, and Obi-Wan brings much-needed reinforcements. [Jedi News]

Lost:

Lost's Sonya Walger (Penny) was spotted in Hawaii. Does that mean Penny's coming to the island? Or just that she's going to appear in an upcoming episode? Also, there are hints another one of our "favorite castaways" will die in an upcoming episode. [Spoilers Lost]

Smallville:

Here are some pics from the Smallville season finale, where Lex finally gets into the Fortress of Solitude. [The TV Addict]

And this week's episode, "Quest," follows Lex to Zurich, where he keeps trying to learn about the "Veritas" mythology. Lex gets attacked by a monastic-robed stranger with Kryptonian symbols carved into his chest, which seem to be a message for Clark. Meanwhile, Jimmy takes an interest in the symbols carved in the Kawatche caves, and Clark thinks about their symbolism. Clark and Chloe team up to investigate and learn that a member of the Veritas clan has survived and is hiding out in a church. Clark and Lex race to be the first to find this Veritas member, who holds the key to Clark's survival. [Buddy TV]

Doctor Who:

Here's a possibly spurious summary of the last two episodes of the current Doctor Who season. Former Prime Minister Harriet Jones is consumed with hatred for the Doctor, especially after she finds out her successor as prime minster was a member of the Doctor's own species. She managed to get aboard the Valiant and witnessed the entire year of Harold Saxon's reign of terror which "never happened." It was Harriet who stole the Master's ring from his funeral pyre, and uses it to help an army of Daleks, led by Davros, to escape from beyond reality.

This causes Rose's alternate universe to unravel. As head of her universe's Torchwood London, Rose knows what's going on, but doesn't know how to stop it. She desperately tries to reach the Doctor. Meanwhile, Donna has read her own life story in that future library (the one from the Steven Moffat two-parter) and knows she'll be killed by the Racnoss, the spider-creature that ruined her wedding day.

Donna is left alone inside the TARDIS, hurtling out of control, and doesn't know what to do. Then Rose appears on the screen, having managed to get a signal through a fracture in reality — after the Doctor has already completely vanished from our universe. Donna and Rose try to use the TARDIS to bring the Doctor back. They keep colliding with alternate realities, including their own lives if they'd never met the Doctor. Finally, they manage to bring the Doctor back. He's confronted Davros and Harriet, who's now the Red Dalek.

Realities collide, bringing Jackie and Mickey back to our universe. And then the Daleks kill Donna's mother and grandfather. And then Donna is controlled by the insect on her back, by means of a Racnoss Empress from an alternate reality, which came to our universe through the hole the Daleks have made. The alternate Empress joins forces with Davros and Harriet. The only way to stop Donna's evil back-spider is to kill Donna, which the Doctor refuses to do. Meanwhile, all the universes are threatening to collide, destroying everything. The Doctor reaches the Medusa Cascade, but the only way to close the rift again is to sacrifice a human life. The Doctor falters, unable to sacrifice anyone. But then Donna chooses to sacrifice her own life to save everything.

But after Donna is gone, the Doctor decides to break his most sacred rule for her, and goes back in time 24 hours to change his own past, so the Daleks and Harriet can be stopped without sacrificing Donna's life. Then Captain Jack erases Donna's memory so she has no clue what's happened and won't try to find the Doctor again. She won't remember him at all. This restores everything to the point it was before, with Rose, Mickey and Jackie once again sealed in their alternate universe. [Planet Gallifrey]

Transformers: Animated:

Here are some screencaps from an upcoming episode of Transformers: Animated called "SUV: Society For Ultimate Villainy," which already aired in the Middle East but won't air in the U.S. until June or later. It features a Decepticon called Swindle, and a villain who fires a time-freezing blast, using a pocket watch. The "clockwoman" teams up with Nano and the Angry Archer to build a time-control machine for Swindle. [TFW2005]

Spectacular Spider-Man:

And meanwhile, Spectacular Spider-Man is unaccountably airing its Halloween episode this Saturday. Here's the blurb:

"The Uncertainty Principle"... presents a number of perplexing situations for Peter Parker and Spider-Man as they both try to find clarity amid the masks, mysteries and menace of Halloween. While Colonel John Jameson struggles to land his damaged space shuttle, Spider-Man continues his ongoing battle with Green Goblin, who also threatens Hammerhead and Tombstone. Still, Peter's greatest challenge will be facing the awful truth when he finally learns the Goblin's "true" identity.

And here are a few stills from the episode:

Battlestar Galactica Prequel Gets Its Crafty Matriarch

Meredith Woerner — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:40:00 PDT

Killer robot show Battlestar Galactica's prequel Caprica has cast its female lead, sexy surgeon Amanda Graystone. Paula Malcomson, best known for her work as Trixie in Deadwood, will help bring the soap operatics to the "Dynasty in space" backdoor pilot. Her character, the wife of inventor Daniel Graystone, has divided loyalties. More details and spoilers about the character after the jump.

Caprica is set amidst a war beween two rival families (the Graystones and the Adamas) 50 years before the cylons' nuclear attack on humans. Amanda is married to to Daniel Graystone, a brilliant computer engineer who downloads his daughter's (Zoe) personality into an online Avatar (which later becomes a cylon proto-type). As we spoiled before Amanda is a "double agent" and is sleeping with her husband's rival (a Tauron named Tomas Vergis). Her guilt leads her to share with her husband any secrets she hears from Tomas. Which aids Daniel in building a proto-cylon. [Hollywood Reporter]

Play "Spot The Star Trek Actor" On This Week's Shows

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 05 May 2008 09:00:00 PDT

It's when times are lean that you need a really good tracker — someone who can scout through the barren underbrush of the TV schedule and forage for programs worth watching. We're still on a severe diet, thanks to last winter's writers' strike. But there are some worthy programs out there. We have two preview clips from Thursday's all-new Lost episode, plus looks ahead at new episodes of Smallville, Doctor Who, Sarah Jane, Spectacular Spider-Man, Transformers and Ben 10. Plus the Sci Fi Channel finally breaks the cheese-ometer. Listings, with minor spoilers only, below the fold.

Tonight

Another slow Monday in scifi-land. FX is showing Elektra at 9 PM, just in case you want a yardstick to compare Iron Man to. And Sci Fi is showing a ton of Star Trek: Enterprise episodes, which means there's an even chance you'll see Jolene Blalock decontaminating herself if you watch all of them.

Robert Downey Jr. is on Jay Leno tonight at 11:30 on NBC, probably gloating about how many truckloads of cash Iron Man made over the weekend, and making completely random predictions about the storyline of Iron Man 2.

And at 1 AM Tuesday, AMC has The Cell, in case you want to fantasize that it's your disturbed unconscious that J.Lo is wandering into.

Tuesday

The History Channel has a new Mega Disasters at 9 PM, with an episode called "Hypercane." Somebody offered me some Hypercane at a party recently, but I heard that stuff eats away at your sinuses. Actually, here's the blurb:

65 million years ago a massive asteroid crashed into Mexico's Yucatan peninsula. 75% of all life on earth vanished; but could a single asteroid have been the lone killer? Theories about what happened after the impact have been speculated on by the entire scientific community. Ranging from global warming to lethal worldwide firestorms, ideas have been put forth—but none have been proven. Then in 1995 a new theory claimed that a powerful mega storm known as a Hypercane caused the extinction. The Hypercane allegedly reaches 20 miles into the stratosphere and has wind speeds of up to 700 miles per hour. 3-D computer animations will reveal how this storm could have brought down nearly all life on the planet.

FX is showing Batman Begins at 8 PM, in case you want to refresh your memory before The Dark Knight comes out.

And at midnight, Encore has the original Alien.

Wednesday

The History Channel has another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, featuring analysis of NASA's actual UFO footage. If it comes from NASA, it must be real, right?

Encore has Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me at 8, and Waterworld at 9:40.

Emile Hirsch is on Letterman, talking up Speed Racer, which comes out Friday.

Thursday

There's a new Smallville on Sci Fi at 8 PM. Robert Picardo, the holographic doctor from Star Trek: Voyager, takes some time out from his role on Stargate: Atlantis to play a funny monk guy who has a whole serve-the-Traveler thing for Clark. Here's the trailer:

And then there's a new Lost at 10:02 PM, "Cabin Fever." Things heat up on the freighter, and meanwhile we learn a whole lot of new stuff about Locke. Here are a couple of preview clips:

Sci Fi has the first two Resident Evil movies at 7 and 9 PM.

And at 4 AM Friday morning, AMC has 1958's Earth Vs. The Spider, about hot-rodding teens who have a run-in with a giant arachnid. But is one of that motorcycle-riding kids named Mutt?

Friday

Sci Fi has another unstoppable Friday night lineup. At 8 PM, Sarah Jane Adventures has two more episodes, the end of "Warriors Of The Kudlak" and the first half of "Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane?" "Kudlak" has a somewhat disappointing revelation that you can see coming a mile off, but still features some great ass-kicking Sarah Jane moments. And "Whatever Happened" is basically pure win, making you realize quite what a dire place the world would be without our hero.

And at 9 PM, there's a new (to Americans) Doctor Who episode, "Planet Of The Ood." It's the return of those subservient wormy-faced slave creatures from season two's "Impossible Planet"/"The Satan Pit," now with more nonsensical exobiology. The episode in general doesn't make much sense, but it does feature some good moments between the Doctor and Donna. You can read my recap here. And here are the first 10 minutes of the episode:

And at 10, there's the sixth episode of Battlestar Galactica season four, which means we're halfway through the 2008 episodes already. This is the episode featuring Star Trek: Deep Space Nine's Nana Visitor as another cancer patient, and that means you can expect to see lots of President Roslin battling her own cancer. I wonder which book the Admiral will read to her from this week. Here's the trailer. Poor Gaeta:

Also, at 8:30 PM, TCM has 1959's On The Beach, one of the earliest post-apocalyptic movies ever, where survivors of a nuclear war wait in a submarine off the New Zealand coast for the radiation to reach them.

Saturday

There are two Spectacular Spider-Man episodes starting at 9:30 on The CW, including a new episode featuring the Green Goblin and John Jameson, the astronaut son of newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson. And another classic Spider-villain may make an appearance.

The Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force at 10, followed by a new Transformers: Animated at 10:30. Transformers features "the debut of Wreck-Gar as well as the return of the Angry Archer."

IFC is showing the scifi-ish Human Nature at 9 PM — it's one of the lesser known Charlie Kaufman scripts, but still very worth checking out for its weird neuroscience and mice learning to eat salad with a knife and fork.

And the Sci Fi Channel has B-movies all day from 9 AM to 5 AM, including quite a few Sci Fi Original Movies. I want to list all the titles, just because they make me giggle: RAPTOR ISLAND, CARNOSAUR, CARNOSAUR 2, CARNOSAUR 3: PRIMAL SPECIES, PTERODACTYL, ROCK MONSTER, AZTEC REX, SABRETOOTH, and RAPTOR. I think Aztec Rex is appearing for the first time ever, at 9 PM and 1 AM. Somebody is excited, to the point of making a celebratory LOL-dinosaur.

Sunday

At 7 PM, Sci Fi has the movie Hybrid. It's either the 1997 movie about people who go into a dark, scary lab and get chased by a half-something, half-something else monster. Or the 2000 movie about the guy in the 1930s who was obsessed with creating a new breed of corn. Or maybe... it's a hybrid of the two! Anyway, whichever hybrid it's about probably won't lurch out of the bath and blather about Kara Thrace causing the apocalypse, sadly.

And FX is showing I, Robot at 8 PM.

Hugh Hefner vs. Robert DeNiro on Battlestar Galactica

Annalee Newitz — Mon, 05 May 2008 06:30:00 PDT

Hope you enjoyed yet another "everybody is more psycho" episode of Battlestar Galactica on Friday, complete with ten percent more nervous breakdowns and a bit of sartorial madness. "The Road Less Traveled" also brings us the return of a certain creepy Cylon, who makes all the weirdness even weirder. And then there's the ongoing mystery of why everybody is so sweaty on the poop ship Demetrius. Wouldn't it be cheaper to keep them cold in space rather than cranking up the heat? Spoilers ahead.

I can't decide which is more ookie: watching Starbuck paint, or watching yet another prisoner get the freaky-ass beatdown. Regardless, this episode certainly delivered both manifestations of creepiness in every possible way. We begin with Starbuck strung out on her visions, glassy-eyed, painting more planets on the ceiling of her cabin and searching through grubby piles of coordinates to figure out where her second-in-command Helo should hop them to next. They've been out in space for two months, and she wants to keep returning to the same coordinates, and when Helo questions her judgment she goes Crazy Vision Chick on his ass and does a recon mission herself.

While zooming around in a Viper, Starbuck stars muttering to herself batshittily, "Where are you? Where are you?" Just as the guy out doing recon with her starts to ask what's going on, they stumble upon a wounded Heavy Raider — the exact same kind of ship Starbuck followed down to her doom last season. Turns out there's a Leoben on board the ship, and he's all dumb-grin happy to see Starbuck because apparently (according to him) she's shed her doubts and is a new person with a desire to follow the path or the quest or some other Caprica-version-of-Joseph-Campbell thing.

Starbuck not only decides to bring Leoben on board, but invites him to stay in her quarters and starts doing the ceiling-painting dance with him. Literally. When the rest of the crew finally burst in on the two of them, Leoben has his arm around Starbuck's waist and his hand on her painting hand and they're practically doing the let's-make-a-hybrid twostep.

So the Demetrius crew throws Leoben in the brig, beats him up for a while, and starts to talk seriously about mutiny.

Back on Galactica, Baltar's wearing pajamas and this shiny-collared robe as he does culty pirate radio broadcasts via what looks to me like a gold-painted CB radio. He's still doing the "you are perfect" thing only now he's added into it a lot of hugging and talk about how "there are no gods" (except his one god). More and more folk rock ladies are flocking to him, and a couple unfortunate looking hippie guys.

But Tyrol is listening to Baltar on the radio while he skips rope maniacally in his cabin with the ever-whining hybrid baby. We discover that Tyrol has gotten himself a nice shaved head and is doing the Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver thing: getting psycho, getting hairless. You practically expect him to start looking into the mirror and yelling, "Hey Cylon, you talking to me?"

He's also obsessively visiting the airlock where Foster sucked Cally out of the ship, and Foster keeps stalking him and telling him about Baltar's idea of god. Eventually Tyrol wanders in a hate-filled daze to one of Baltar's revivals, and Baltar tries to get him to hug and touch and accept Baltar as his personal savior. Hello — don't try to pet the bug-eyed, shavey-headed guy! And indeed, Baltar is rewarded with a punch in the face, which is something he seems to like anyway.

Meanwhile, on the Demetrius, Leoben is having a little religious mania heart-to-heart with Anders. In between beatings, he spits blood and talks about how there's a war between the Cylons "who embrace their nature" and "those who do not." He wants Anders and Co. to join forces with him and his pals (we can only assume the Sixes and Sharons and Xenas) against what he calls his "savage brothers." He also thinks that if Starbuck would only follow her shining path, she could go visit one of the Cylon hybrids, those ladies on LSD in goo baths who seem to guide the Base Stations by talking like language poets.

Anders actually decides to consider Leoben's request, and goes back to the rest of the crew with the idea. Gaeta practically smacks him upside the head, and everybody else is just worried that the Demetrius won't make its rendezvous point with the Fleet in time. If they don't meet up at the designated coordinates, the Fleet may assume they're lost and leave them behind on their next jump.

Starbuck doesn't seem to give a crap about this, and just as the crew is getting really pissy about the rendezvous, Starbuck walks onto the bridge and says they're definitely joining up with the Cylons to go to Earth. This whole issue is probably the most interesting and rewarding part of the episode, since some kind of alliance between the Cylons and the humans is both narratively intriguing and inevitable. I also like bringing Leoben back to lead the call for alliance, since he's always wanted to mingle with humans but in an incredibly wrong way (witness his captivity of Starbuck, whom he claimed to love, on New Caprica).

That's why it's disappointing when we have to go back to Galactica and visit with Baltar and his sermonizing yet again. I'm all for the idea of making Baltar an ambiguous cult leader, but do we really have to hear all his sermons? Really? I think we'd get the idea that he's mouthing a bunch of platitudes if we heard just ONE sermon instead of twenty-million like in this episode. Probably the best Baltar moment is when Foster tells him — after a roll in the sack — that President Roslin knows about his pirate radio broadcasts but doesn't care because "nobody of consequence" is attracted to his ideas.

Is she saying the folk rock ninja ladies are of no consequence? How can that be? They're so good with lead pipes!

After an explosion on Leoben's Heavy Raider kills one of Starbuck's crew, she pretends to be a folk rock ninja lady for a while and kicks Leoben's jaw with her boot a few times. That's when he calls her an angel blazing with the light of god, and we're obliged to remember how the goo hybrid in Razor said something about angels leading somebody somewhere. At that moment, you'll be so blanged out on the whole flaming angel on a path thing that you'll yearn for a Baltar sermon.

Unfortunately, show creators Ron Moore and David Eick are not afraid to give that to you, and the episode ends with a spectacularly yuck moment where Baltar goes to Tyrol's cabin to beg his forgiveness. Tyrol is in full Taxi Driver mode, a gun on his chest and pate clean-shaven. Surprisingly, he lets Baltar prattle on about being sorry and finding god and how Cally would have wanted Tyrol to be his friend. Then he says, "I wish I could have known [Cally] better," and Tyrol takes Baltar's hand. WTF? It would have been way more realistic to have Tyrol blast one of Baltar's knees off.

So just as Tyrol is being saved (or is he?), the Demetrius crew decides to mutiny. led by XO Helo. And Starbuck is seriously pissed. Just as her angry squinty eyes fill the screen, we get the dreaded "to be continued" message and are forced to spend the rest of the evening debating whether an episode without Adama is an episode not worth watching.

WB To Give Back Alien Teen Drama Roswell

Meredith Woerner — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:00:00 PDT

Everyone's favorite angst-ridden teen aliens will be back on the internet, thanks to The WB. Fans can stream all of Roswell's old episodes from the WB's new website, which is set to launch in August of 2008. Too long have we gone with out the Royal Four of Antar. Science fiction shows are burning up the internet these days: BSG, Firefly, At The Earth's Core, Surface, Land Of The Giants, Buck Rogers and Lost in Space are among the most popular shows on online video site Hulu. It's only a matter of time until more teen scifi such as The Secret World Of Alex Mack join in on the streaming fun. [Syfy Portal]

Is Starbuck The Worst Commanding Officer Ever?

Charlie Jane Anders — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:00:00 PDT

Starbuck continues to make some weird command decisions, in this clip from tonight's Battlestar Galactica, "The Road Less Traveled," which just went up on Hulu. It's like Apollo slipped her some cubits to make his stint as commander of the Pegasus look great by comparison. But at least she's not about to elect a Cylon president, like we are. Oh, and the first 10 minutes of tonight's episode are streaming, every hour on the hour, at SciFi.com, from 9 to 4 EST. [Galactica Sitrep]

Do We Need Graphic Torture in Our Dystopias?

Annalee Newitz — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:43:30 PDT

Welcome back to Horrorhead, a column all about the connections between horror and scifi. On Battlestar Galactica, there's an ongoing theme of torture: humans gang-rape an imprisoned Cylon; the Cylons beat a man so badly he loses his eye (not to mention all the humans they kill outright); and there's even a little human-on-Cylon washboarding early in the series. These are not scenes that take place entirely offscreen. We see beatings; we see the bloody, freaked-out face of Six the Cylon after she's been raped so many times she can't stand up and has lost the will to eat. The question is, do we need to see these scenes? Would this series be as powerful without them? And by extension, would any torture-laced scifi flick like The Hills Have Eyes or Cube be as enticing if it lost the mutilations or the razor net that falls from the ceiling and reduces living humans to little cubes of flesh? (Spoilers ahead.)

The answer is obviously complicated. For some people, torture puts any story beyond the pale: a couple of weeks ago, scifi writer Karen Joy Fowler told me in an interview that she refuses to watch Battlestar Galactica because there's too much torture in it. But millions of movie fans have turned near-future flick Hostel, about an imaginary Eastern European country that houses a torture-entertainment center for the rich, into a cult hit and franchise. And the TV series 24, which is also a near-future dystopia, also has millions of drooling fans who don't seem to mind that superspy Jack, our main character, is constantly torturing people with everything from ugly lamps to fists.

Enough has been said about torture porn that I don't need to repeat the arguments too much here. They all boil down to one question: Does watching torture make us more likely to tolerate it in real life?

I had a brilliant professor in college who always answered that question with a roll of her eyes. "Look," she would say, "If it were true that we always did what the media told us, then every single advertisement would work. We'd buy everything we see advertised." Because she's right about that, we know it's not the case that everything we see in the media leads to behaviors in real life. The question of torture then boils down to whether it's necessary for a given story.

Let's look at one of the most famous examples of torture in scifi. Canadian flick Cube, which came out in the late 1990s, was your classic, Saw-style "a bunch of strangers trapped in a weird place have to solve puzzles to escape horrible grody death" kind of flick. For people raised with videogames, a form of entertainment where you solve puzzles to avoid dying, the scenario was familiar. And the puzzle was even pretty cool: the characters have to figure out a sequence of prime numbers in order to escape from a giant cube building full of rooms that move around all the time. As they're figuring out the prime number sequence, they venture into rooms that stab them, poison them, chop them up into little cubes, and generally spew gore everywhere. Do we need the torture along with the cool math game? I'd say yes. The entire movie depends on the audience understanding the characters' urgency, but at the same time the scenario is surreal enough that bringing in the torture enhances our sense of bizarre otherworldliness.

But how about Wes "Scream" Craven's The Hills Have Eyes, a classic cult movie from the 1970s that was just remade into a less-than-amazing franchise? In the original, gritty-freakout movie, a family whose truck breaks down is waylaid by atomic cannibal mutants in the desert. The torture is campy and hideous at the same time. In fact, the entire point of the movie is really the torture, and the escape, of our normal American family. Like Hostel, The Hills Have Eyes is literally about torture and what it can do to you. So the movie couldn't exist without torture, and in fact the torture itself is the point. How will people be dismembered? Where will the blood splatter? Will they really DO that? Without torture, there would be no movie.

Let's return to Battlestar Galactica's torture with these two examples in mind. Unlike The Hills Have Eyes, BSG is not about torture. It's about a horrific dystopia where torture has become part of everyday life. Like Cube, BSG uses torture to explore the urgency of the situation its characters are in. So do we need the torture to feel that urgency?

One might ask the same question about a scene in Iain M. Banks' novel The Algebraist, where we are treated to an intense scene of torture in order to show how evil one particular character, Luseferous, really is:

[Luseferous] had decreed that the final punishment of the assassin should be his own teeth . . . Accordingly, his four canine teeth had been removed, bioengineered to become tusks which would grow without ceasing . . . These great finger-thick fangs had erupted out of the bones of his upper and lower jaw, puncturing the flesh of his lips, and had continued their remorseless growth. The lower set curved up and over his head, and after a few months worth of extension, came to touch his scalp near the top of his head, while the upper set grew in a scimitar-like paired sweep beneath his neck . . . Both sets of teeth then started to enter the assassin's body, one pair slowly forcing themselves through the bony plates of the man's skull, the other entering rather more easily into the soft tissues of the lower neck . . . The fangs burrowing through his skull and into his brain were the ones which would shortly, and agonizingly, kill him . . . This unfortunate, nameless assassin had been unable to do anything to prevent this because he was pinned helpless and immobile against the wall of the chamber . . . his nutrition and bodily functions catered for by various tubes and implants . . . The fellow's ears and mind still worked.

Could we have learned that Luserferous was a twisted person, as well as a dictator, without that passage? Did it need to be so detailed and creative?

Perhaps it could have been less detailed, but I would not have remembered it so vividly if it had not. Similarly, I would not have felt the horror of the humans' and Cylons' situations without seeing Six tortured by humans, and Baltar tortured by Cylons. I am not sure if making something memorable is justification, but it is certainly emotional realism. And in a genre whose entire narrative substance is the unreal, the science fictional, a dose of emotional realism can be potent indeed.

Child Actors Never Escaped From Witch Mountain

Meredith Woerner — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:21:26 PDT

Succumbing to the Richard Hatch effect, the original child actors from the 1970s science fiction flick Escape to Witch Mountain are set to appear in the Disney remake Race to Witch Mountain, which stars The Rock. Ike Eisenmann is cast as the town sheriff and Kim Richards will play a waitress at a diner. No word yet if Eisenmann lent the new little boy the infamous harmonica that could harness his telekinetic powers. [Hollywood Reporter]

Surprising Twists On BSG, Smallville And Doctor Who

Charlie Jane Anders — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 06:00:00 PDT

This morning's spoiler roundup lets you know how the new Star Trek movie ends, just in case you were wondering. Our spoiler-bash also includes even more hints about the inevitable Iron Man sequel, plus some clues about the slightly less inevitable Superman Returns sequel and the Wolverine prequel. And there are new clues for Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Smallville, and the Amazing Spider-Man comic. All this, plus two new clips from tomorrow night's Lost episode. It's spoiler season!

Iron Man:

As you've probably heard, Iron Man doesn't feature the rumored cameo by Samuel L. Jackson as eyepatch-wearing superspy Nick Fury. At least, not the version shown to preview audiences. But some people are claiming the final version released to theaters will have an extra added scene that was left out of the preview version, in which Jackson shows up as Fury, recruiting for a group called the Avengers. Whether this is towards the end of the film, or after the end credits, I'm not sure. [JoBlo]

Also, director Jon Favreau has a slight cameo in the film as Happy Hogan, a supporting character from the comics who will be much more important in the second film, if any. And the DVD of the first movie will include a deleted scene at a party in Dubai where Tony meets Ghostface Killah and they know each other. [Superhero Hype]

Robert Downey Jr. says he thinks the Iron Man sequel will deal with Tony facing his newly godlike power, and Tony will turn to drink as he contemplates the enormity of what he's done. And Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts gets a boyfriend, and Tony says he's happy for her while taking a drink to console himself. Then Tony gets drunk and shows up at Pepper's place during her date, dressed in his Iron Man suit, demanding to know what the boyfriend has that he doesn't. [Sci Fi Wire]

Superman: The Man Of Steel:

And speaking of actors who aren't named Edward Norton but still have script ideas, Brandon Routh has some hints about the sequel to Superman Returns, which seems to be officially called Superman: Man Of Steel. Routh says this time around, Superman will have a "good villain that we can actually have physical altercations with." Because Superman didn't get to punch anyone/anything in the first movie, so it'll be good to have more punching this time. And there'll be more humor from Clark, plus more funny Clark/Jimmy interactions. And maybe things between Superman and Lois will be more smoothed over, and Lois "can afford to be nicer to Clark." Routh still believes Superman and Lois will end up together. [Superhero Hype]

Wolverine:

The new Wolverine-focused X-Men prequel movie, due out in 2009, is much darker than the X-Men trilogy, and is more along the lines of Batman Begins, promises star Hugh Jackman, who could star in another 10 or 11 Wolverine movies. [MTV Movies]

Star Trek:

The new Star Trek prequel movie starts with the crew going off on the start of their five-year mission, says Uhura actor Nichelle NIchols. [TrekToday]

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is scouting for two new recurring characters: Becky, a "hot teenaged hipster" who may be John's new girlfriend. And Catherine, an "unusually earthy" business leader in her early 40s, who's sort of a female Bill Gates. [Ask Ausiello]

Battlestar Galactica:

On Battlestar Galactica, the search for Earth may not take as long as you might think this season. [Ask Ausiello again]

Lost:

Here are two more clips from tomorrow night's new Lost episode, in which Jack needs medical attention. [Spoilers Lost]

Doctor Who:

More about those Doctor Who spoilers from Death Ray magazine: Gwen and Ianto from Torchwood are definitely in the season finale, the magazine says. And maybe they recruit Mickey and Martha into the depleted Torchwood team? Also, Martha is in episode six, "The Doctor's Daughter" — where the Doctor meets his daughter. And faces aliens called the Haff. Oh, and Death Ray speculates that his daughter really does come from stolen DNA. [Thanks to Keith]

Smallville:

Here are some more new images from Thursday's Smallville episode which takes place in an alternate universe, featuring Lex Luthor as president of the U.S. and Clark as the bespectacled version from the comics. And in an upcoming Smallville episode, another regular character is going to die. [Buddy TV]

Also, in the season finale, Clark's cousin Kara tells Lex that he's destined to defeat the Traveler, and offers to take him to the Fortress of Solitude to learn how. Clark is shocked that Kara would go to Lex, but she turns out to be Brainiac in disguise — the real Kara is trapped in the Phantom Zone. Chloe gets arrested by the Dept. of Domestic Security, and Lana awakens from her coma. And then Clark and Lex face off in the Fortress, and Lex learns Clark's secret. [Turkey Whisperer]

Amazing Spider-Man:

The Amazing Spider-Man comic will feature a new character named Anti-Venom, who's sort of an inverted version of the old Venon symbiote, who sported a white-on-black version of Spidey's costume. (Image below by John Romita Jr./Marvel.) Another image reveals some more upcoming stories: A shadow falls over Kraven the Hunter's grave, and Mary Jane is back. Also back are Eddie Brock, the original Venom, and Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin. [Entertainment Weekly]

Speed Racer's Son Meets A Robot Chimp

Charlie Jane Anders — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:00:00 PDT

If you had a robot butler scheduling your TV viewing (and maybe showing programs on a Teletubbies-style belly screen) he would have an upbeat lilt in his synth-voice when describing this week's TV options. There are actually some worthwhile items, on days other than Thursday and Friday. For instance, might we suggest mutant ghetto rats and robot apes (not actually appearing in the same show)? Plus, Darth Vader wants to cheat you out of all your money. (Daddy needs a new Death Star!) Oh, and there are new episodes of Lost, Smallville, Doctor Who, Sarah Jane, Ben 10, Transformers, Spider-Man and Battlestar. Listings (with minor spoilers) below.

Tonight

The special two-hour Star Wars episode of Deal Or No Deal airs at 8 PM. According to the official Star Wars blog, it features models dressed in the famous Leia slave-girl outfit from Return Of The Jedi, plus Carrie Fisher herself in the audience. Chewbacca and R2D2 are there to provide moral support to the two Star Wars fans competing for money. Oh, and Darth Vader takes place of the "villainous banker." (Why is the banker villanous? Is this some kind of Bear Sterns reference?)

Tonight's Letterman features Gwyneth Paltrow promoting Iron Man. Expect pithy quotes about how her Pepper Potts is a new type of comic-book-movie heroine. And tomorrow night, Robert Downie Jr. is on Letterman promoting possibly the same movie.

And early Tuesday morning, TMC has Aeon Flux at 1 AM and Encore has the original Robocop at 2:30 AM.

Tuesday

On the History Channel at 9 PM, The Universe gives major spoilers, with an episode that reveals "the future of the universe." Who lives? (Nobody.) Who dies? (Everybody.) Here's the blurb:

The Universe as we know it is condemned to death. Space, matter and even time will one day cease to exist and there's nothing we can do about it. Harsh realities are revealed about the future of our Universe; it may collapse and burn or it might be gripped by a galactic ice age. Either of these scenarios might be a long way off. However, our Universe could suddenly be destroyed by a "random quantum fluctuation", a bubble of destruction that can obliterate the entire cosmos in the blink of an eye. No matter how it ends, life in our Universe is doomed.

And on Wednesday morning at 2:00 AM, BET is showing Hood Rat, about a swarm of super-intelligent mutant rats that go around killing people in a housing project. It's sort of a remake of Willard, except that instead of training them, I think Isaiah Washington's character just sort of befriends them and they turn out to be super-rats. Ice-T is the comic relief in this film. And it features a scene where rats "come out of a toilet to devour a crackhead's anus." This either just got on your must-see, or your must-avoid list, depending on your taste in bizarre horror films.

Wednesday

This has nothing to do with science fiction, except tangentially, but the worst pain from last winter's writers' strike is yet to come. The proof comes in the form of a new reality TV series which premieres tonight on The CW, called Farmer Wants A Wife. It's about a farmer. Who wants a wife. Suddenly Flash Gordon is sounding really great right now.

Speaking of which, Sci Fi is showing another Flash Gordon marathon all day, allowing you to experience the greatness of croptops, hairgel, hawk people and castrating amazons if you missed it the first time.

Also, the History Channel brings us yet another new UFO Hunters at 10 PM, about a UFO sighting at a U.S. military base.

Thursday

Tonight's Smallville is the 150th episode, and it's directed by star Tom Welling. Clark visits an alternate reality, where ~~Buffy never came to Sunnydale~~ Clark never came to Smallville. In this alternate reality, as in all right-thinking universes, Lex is president of the United States. Here's a pretty great scene from the episode, which airs at 8 on The CW (sorry about the sound quality):

And then there's a new Lost at 10 PM on ABC. Jack's doing poorly, and hovers on the brink of nasty death. Meanwhile, Sawyer, Claire, Aaron and Miles try to make their way to the beach, but something goes horribly wrong. We featured two clips from the episode on Friday.

At 7 PM, Sci Fi is re-running Warbirds, its TV movie about pterodactyls in World War II.

You face an impossible choice on Friday morning at 3:00 am: AMC is showing the original Species, while Sci Fi is showing Decoys 2: Alien Seduction. I would advise watching (or taping) Decoys 2 instead of Species. Sure, Species features the super-hot Natasha Henstridge as a human-alien hybrid who's desperate to find someone to reproduce with. But Decoys 2 features a whole squad of alien women who transform themselves into college boys' naughtiest fantasies so they can seduce them and implant their alien eggs inside them. It's like Species mashed up with Alien mashed up with a weird teen sex comedy. We featured a clip from it a while back.

Friday

At 7 PM, NickToons is premiering a 90-minute "TV movie" of Speed Racer: The Next Generation. It's basically the first three episodes of this cartoon series mashed up together. The movie is also getting a DVD release on Tuesday, May 6. In this new series, the son of Speed Racer studies to become a race-car champion and rebuilds the Mach-5. Racer X is the new Speed Racer's brother, and his uncle is the school's headmaster. Oh, and Chim Chim is a robot monkey. The TV movie is written by Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti, who wrote the fluffy but fun Heroes For Hire comic among others. Here's a clip:

At 8 PM, Sci Fi has two episodes of Doctor Who's kid-friendly spin-off The Sarah Jane Adventures. She polishes off those evil nuns, and then squares off with an alien army that's recruiting teenage humans through a sort of laser-tag arcade. The second episode features my favorite Sarah Jane scene of all time, where she builds a weird energy-detector machine out of bits and pieces, wearing a badass welding mask. You go, Sarah Jane!

And then at 9, there's easily the best episode so far of the current Doctor Who season — the Doctor visits Pompeii right on the eve of its destruction by a volcano. His new companion Donna asks some tricky questions about where the Doctor draws the line on interfering with history, and the Doctor has to struggle with his answers a bit. Here's our recap, including a clip from the episode.

And at 10, there's another new Battlestar Galactica. "A possible truce with rebel Cylons leads Starbuck to put her trust in an old enemy." It looks like Starbuck and Leoben are reunited, and it feels so fine. Here's the trailer:

Sci Fi is showing episodes of Stargate SG-1 all day, in case you need to catch up.

Saturday

There are two episodes of Spectacular Spider-Man at 9:30, including one new episode at 10 AM: "Reaction" introduces Doctor Octopus to the cartoon universe, and also brings back the Green Goblin.

And also at 10 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Ben 10: Alien Force. Ben and Gwen start to trust Kevin 11 — but then he steals the Rustbucket and tries to trade it for alien technology.

And then at 10:30 AM, the Cartoon Network has a new Transformers: Animated, called "Mission Accomplished." (Is this some kind of subtle dig at George Bush?) Here's the episode description: "Convinced there are no Decepticons left on Earth, the Elite Guard prepares to take Optimus Prime and his crew back to Cybertron — unaware of the increasing Decepticon activity taking place under their very noses." They're not called Decepticons for nothing.

And at 1 PM, The CW has Virus, featuring Jamie Lee Curtis and one of the Baldwins versus an alien disease.

Sunday

At 2 PM, TNT is showing The Tuxedo, which isn't in the top 100 Jackie Chan movies but does have a few great scenes, most notably the "pants-only mode" scene, when Jackie is only wearing the super-suit's pants — so only his legs are super-agile. It's not a bad thing to watch on a slow Sunday afternoon. Oh, and then there's this bit, where Jackie Chan knocks out James Brown and has to take his place, complete with a moment of weird ass-fetishism.

Sci Fi is showing horror movies all day, starting with Children Of The Corn at the churchgoing hour of 9 AM, and ending up with Final Destination 2 at 9 PM. I don't think any of those films are actually science fiction.

Oh, and at 8 PM, FX has the sort of scifi-ish Mr. And Mrs. Smith, while Spike is re-running Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith. If you flip back and forth, you could mash them up into one totally awesome movie called Mr. And Mrs. Sith.