No more, I say, NO MORE!

I propose the Elias Initiative. A joint venture between MIT, the Commerce Department and Disney's Imagineers (living and bio-stabilized), with the intent of creating the next generation of horrific pseudo-men. And what else to base their misshapen forms on then beloved characters familiar to all?

Imagine Robo-Donald, a mist of chemically prepared artificial saliva spraying from its Corfam beak as it advances on you, raving and ranting, for some imagined slight. No need to worry; it's got the grip strength of a sugar glider, so the only scars it leaves are on the psyche.

Robo-Goofy, a digitized chortle echoing from deep within its terrible, gap-toothed, chrome-and-rubber maw. What's so funny, you ask? That it's a dog forced to wear clothes, while Pluto struts about in Rousseauean majesty? Partly...but the whole answer's a secret, and legions of innocents will destroy themselves trying to find it.

And of course, Robo-Mickey, their basileus and master. The ears alone put the hypothesis of a loving God under severe ontological strain. And the voice...merely thinking about it bends neurons in ways that mere psychotropics could never hope to accomplish. But if only one of the benighted souls left in its wake is a physicist, we might get an FTL drive out of them before they cross the mental event horizon. So there's that.

Can we build it? YES, WE CAN!

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It's the flailing on its back when confronted with a koosh ball that I can't get over. Because it looks funny, and I might laugh a little, and then I'm pretty sure its little air-pressured brow would crease, and it would kill me.

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