io9: campy

Can Flash Gordon Be Saved?

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:35:19 PST

So the SciFi Channel just wound up the first season of Flash Gordon on Friday, and it's clear they're ramping up for a second season. No announcements that the show has been canceled, plus we ended on a serious cliffhanger. There was a lot to complain about in this episode, though we were mollified slightly by the random appearance of a green warrior lady who hits on Ming and makes him her bitch. This show has been our guilty pleasure for months, but one cannot thrive on guilt alone. If SciFi is going to keep Flash going, things need to change. Here are our recommendations for five ways this show could be saved.

1. More better aliens. This is a cheesy show, and when it embraces its cheesiness via silly alien culture, Flash is at its best. Some of the best episodes delved into the goofy/fun alien groups on Mongo, like the Hawkmen who fly using their magical Gwar capes. And who didn't love the Frigia episode with the ice worm and crazy blue ice ladies? The costumes on this show have always been one of its best features, and more aliens = more costumes = more fun for us, the audience.

2. More Baylin. Not only is Baylin fun to watch, but she's a great character: an assassin with a troubled past who acts a little dorktastic on Earth (she doesn't know the local customs, OK?) but is the gang's fearless leader on Mongo. She's kind of like Xena, and we love that. Give her more back story, let her get her Xena on, and for godssake give her more screen time than the lackluster Dale.

3. Make Aura the ruler of Mongo. The petulant Deviate brother subplot is annoying and dull. OK, so he's a poor wittle outcast. OK, so he's some kind of revolutionary leader. And now, as we were shown ever-so-unsubtly in Friday's finale, he's going to be just as authoritarian a leader as Ming. Aura needs to get tough, slit that fucker's throat, and really become a girl that daddy can be proud of.

4. Total Ming makeover. Seriously, folks, the whole Ming the Micromanager thing was a bad idea. We love the campy, bizarro, sparkly-eyeshadow, long-nailed, moustachioed, flowing cape Ming. That is the WHOLE FREAKING POINT of Ming. It makes him both evil and amusing to watch. I'm not saying turn him back into the crappy Asian stereotype Ming of the 1930s. But now that he's hanging out with the hot savage green queen chick, it's your chance to believably change his whole wardrobe and give him a new look. He should get some crazy clothes and a wild look. Maybe he can even start exhibiting some Deviate mutations. And let John Ralston, that poor actor who plays Ming, do something other than pursed-lip acting. We know he has it in him! Let the dude rip!

5. And hey, how about a little coherent world-building? While we're adding more cool aliens, why not actually flesh out the back story of Mongo itself and all the nearby worlds? We know there was this moment in the past where Mongo-ians were mining one of the moons. Are there other inhabited planets around? Why isn't there any space travel in this show? I'm not asking for bad voiceover explanations, or a moment where somebody says, "Well back in history we did blah blah blah." I'm saying give us an interesting plot arc that has to do with Mongo as a civilization. Or take us outside Mongo to a moon or other planet, so we have some perspective. Make Mongo more interesting, dammit!

Must See: The Prisoner

Annalee Newitz — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 11:32:03 PDT

Must-see TV shows are futuristic classics that shouldn't be missed. Of course, not every must-see is perfect. That's why we've rated them 1-5 on the patented "crunchy goodness" scale. Must see by James Rocchi.

Title: The Prisoner

Date: 1967-68

Vitals: Patrick McGoohan, chafing after years of playing a secret agent on Danger Man, re-invented the spy series as a mix of surreal paranoia and Kafka-esque estrangement. McGoohan plays an unnamed spy who wants to quit; he's gassed, kidnapped and awakens to a bizarre community where everyone smiles, he's addressed only as 'Number Six' and all the people in charge want to know is everything he knows. It only ran for 17 episodes, but it's a cult classic nonetheless.

Famous Names: Patrick McGoohan (Creator/Star).

Crunchy Goodness: 4

Spin-Offs: A big-screen adaptation's been rumored for years; DC Comics published a graphic-novel 'sequel' in 1988.

Bang for Your Buck: The killer weather balloon, 'Rover.'

Deadliest Spoiler: He gets out! Or does he?

The Anorak's Guide to The Prisoner

Must See: The Last Starfighter

Annalee Newitz — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 14:15:56 PDT

Must-see movies are futuristic classics that shouldn't be missed. Of course, not every must-see is perfect. That's why we've rated them 1-5 on the patented "crunchy goodness" scale. Written by Sherilyn Connelly.

Title: The Last Starfighter
Date: 1984

Vitals: A bored teenager in a trailer gets the high score on a video game and is recruited into an actual space battle. (The original premise, in which he gets laid because of the high score, was rejected as too far-fetched.)

Famous names: Directed by Nick Castle, a John Carpenter alum who started out strong playing Michael Myers in the first Halloween film and writing Escape from New York, but then directed three movies in the mid-nineties which are so foul, we dare not speak their name.

Crunchy goodness: 4

Stunt casting: Since both Mary-Louise Parker and Mary Stuart Masterson were unavailable to play the girlfriend, the filmmakers had to settle for third-tier triple-namer Catherine Mary Stewart—and Mary isn't even her first name, for Chrissakes!

Memorable product tie-in: Failing to learn from the success of the Tron video game two years earlier, Atari (the king of vaporware) produced an arcade game which was never released, and a computer game which was eventually released several years later, but not called The Last Starfighter.

Design breakthrough: All the special effects (except for the starcar on Earth) are CGI, and unlike Tron, they're meant to represent real, physical objects.

Cold Fusion Video Reviews: The Last Starfighter

Must See: Logan's Run

Annalee Newitz — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 00:14:27 PDT

Must-see movies are futuristic classics that shouldn't be missed. Of course, not every must-see is perfect. That's why we've rated them 1-5 on the patented "crunchy goodness" scale. Written by James Rocchi.

Title: Logan's Run
Date: 1976

Vitals: In a future gone mad, there's no need to worry about the funding crisis in Social Security — because everyone's killed when they hit age 30. Logan (Michael York) is a 'Sandman' — a cop charged with finding and executing people who run from the system - but when he's put undercover to find the 'runner' underground railroad, he learns a few things he's not supposed to. The cheese factor is high, the differences from William F. Nolan's original book numerous — and the remake's on the way.

Famous Names: Michael York, Jenny Agutter, Richard Jordan, Peter Ustinov (Cast).

Crunchy Goodness: 3

Most Painfully Dated Moment: The design of Box, the protein-harvesting robot.

Life Lesson: Don't trust anyone (who tells you that you can't live) over 30.

Stunt Casting: Farrah Fawcett-Majors, in all her '70s glory.

City of Domes fanpage

Must See: Plan 9 From Outer Space

Annalee Newitz — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 23:07:46 PDT

Must-see movies are futuristic classics that shouldn't be missed. Of course, not every must-see is perfect. That's why we've rated them 1-5 on the patented "crunchy goodness" scale. Written by Jason Shankel.

Title: Plan 9 From Outer Space
Date: 1959

Vitals: Alien zombies try to prevent mankind from developing some sort of cosmic gasoline bomb that's never really adequately established or explained.

Famous names: Bela Lugosi Vampira Edward D. Wood Jr.

Crunchy goodness: 3

Elevator pitch: The Day the Earth Stood Still meets Night of the Living Dead, only not good

Life lesson: Go for broke: there's no percentage in making the second worst movie of all time.

Design breakthrough: Shower curtains really do look like cockpit doors...who knew?

Review Including Screenshots, Audio & Video